Picture Perfect

I... I really don't

need to wear one.

What?

Yeah. I tested

negative, and, um...

I've got this

unbelievable control.

Ahem. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Up, up, up.

What?

Something wrong?

No. No, that was great.

I had a really

nice night.

Did-Did I

miss something?

Nope, nothing.

You didn't miss anything.

Nothing.

Look...

I'll-I'll-

I'll wear one.

I'll happily wear one.

But I just gotta

tell you right now it's...

it's just... it's not

going to be as good.

It's not going

to be as...

I feel like I know you.

I feel like I can

be honest with you.

Yeah. Um... you should really

ignore all those feelings.

Can I call you?

No.

Is that a real no

or a...

No, you should

consider that a...

hard no.

Hey, Ma, do me a favor.

Don't ever fix me up again.

I'm sitting

Sitting in a boat all day

I been thinkin'

Thinkin' what I might say

I been lookin'

Over the top of that hill

And I been battlin'

Battlin' with my will

I got somethin'

to say to you

Yeah, I got something I want

you to show me how to do

'Cause I'm hungry, Lord

The lake is full

Show me how to catch a fish

I don't know

what happened.

Somewhere along the way,

I screwed up.

Either in high school

or college

or my early twenties.

I mean, you know, I really

thought, hey, this is a snap.

I like men. Men like me.

But then somewhere

in the last year or so,

I just... I've just gotten

so screwed up.

This might not make

any sense to you, Darce.

I mean,

you've been married

since you got

out of college.

I was born married,

baby.

But I think I'm finally

coming to realize

I like being single,

you know?

Love being

self-sufficient.

And I truly believe

that this is

my nature, you know?

So what I'm

going to do is

I'm just taking myself

out of the game.

Put my mother

out of her misery,

put me

out of my misery.

Why are you looking

at me like that?

Sorry. Let me

understand this.

So if Sam

asked you out-

Darcy! Shh!

You would just say,

"No, Sam."

What are you doing?

He works here!

Do you want him

to hear you?

Sam. Sam.

Shut up.

Sam. Sam.

Shut up. Shut up.

Oh, hit me. Hit me.

I love it, Sam.

Oh, God. You are

unbelievable.

Okay, kids.

Gulden's mustard has traditionally been

the number two mustard in America.

What the Gulden's people are

looking for is increased sampling.

They're convinced that if they can

get people to try their product,

they'll keep on using it.

Three other agencies

in addition to ours

have been invited to participate

in the review.

The pitch is on Friday...

and we don't leave this room

until we're solid on a concept.

You have

a good night now.

Yeah, you, too.

Ahem. Um...

Didn't Cindy Crawford

graduate second in her class?

Did Cindy Crawford

graduate?

I think she did.

Second in her class.

In biochemistry, I think.

Excuse me?

Please. My friend-

my colleague-is having an epiphany.

Oh.

Okay.

Um, I'll...

I'll, uh, I'll give you

the print first.

Um, okay. Big picture

of Cindy Crawford.

Already

this is good.

The headline reads "If you

never gave number two a try,

think what

you'd be missing."

In comes a picture of Cindy,

and beneath that,

a little log line that says,

"Cindy Crawford graduated

second from Podunk University,

a B.S. In biochemistry."

Then on the facing page,

a beauty shot of Gulden's mustard.

And beneath that

in big letters,

"Gulden's mustard. Number two,

and that ain't bad."

That was impressive.

I have to tell you.

I could hardly keep

my legs together.

You were so...

Darce?

I want that.

Well, we all want that.

No, I mean I want that.

You know what I mean?

I want a billboard in the middle

of Times Square, okay?

I want... I want

a commercial

in the middle of

the Academy Awards,

and I want a 10-page

layout in Vanity Fair.

And that's...

that's what I want.

Yeah, me, too.

God, we're shallow.

Argh!

Ha ha ha!

I am making money

I am loaded

Well, your day

is coming soon.

They're going to give you

an account of your own

and a window

and some new furniture.

My furniture.

I like old furniture.

Anyway, let me tell you

why I'm really here.

Oh, I know

why you're here.

I've been going over

my expense report,

and, uh,

I want to let you know,

in case anyone from

accounting should ask,

that I had dinner with you

on the ninth, on the 11th,

a humdinger on the 23rd,

and a light lunch

yesterday, okay?

You know, I think I would really

feel a lot better about this

if we actually did

have dinner onetime.

I can't have dinner

with you, Kate.

You know that.

I do?

Yes. Of course you do.

Do I know why?

Yes, you know why.

We both know why.

You're simply...

too nice.

I think you're mistaken

about that, Sam.

I'm not.

I can be a bad girl,

Sam.

Not bad enough for me,

Kate.

Oh, really?

Truly.

Uh!

Yes.

Okay.

All right. All right.

Let's get down to business-

The business of servicing this

multimillion-dollar account.

Our account executive

in charge-

Darcy O'Neil.

Yes!

Whoo!

My girl!

And our creative team

is going to be headed up

by my good friend Sela here.

She has asked-She has asked

for Dominic, Nancy, and Jim to assist.

Kate. Kate.

Look, I'm sorry.

I don't mean to be rude.

I just want to get

my resume Xeroxed

before all this

healthy rage wears off.

Kate.

Kate? Look, Kate.

Look, I brought you to this agency,

and I'm glad I did.

I know you conceived

that campaign.

Let me talk to Mercer.

In fact, I'll get us a meeting

where the both of us

could talk to him.

Kate, I'm going to

talk to him. I am.

You have that wedding

this weekend, right?

Yeah.

Okay, then.

Just do me a favor

and please let me try

and make this right.

Enjoy the weekend.

I'll see you bright

and early on Monday, okay?

Sure.

You see that one

at Libby's station?

She's marrying

a chiropodist.

God's no fool.

He gave her bad feet

for a reason.

No. You know, maybe

that's my problem.

Maybe I'm just

too damned healthy.

I'm serious.

I bet there's an ob-gyn out there

who's just waiting for me to come

walking into his office, you know?

That would explain all those

damn yeast infections,

don't you think?

Don't be a smart ass,

and watch your mouth.

This is a place

of business.

You know who I met

at the supermarket the other day?

Who?

Mark Mclntyre. Whatever

happened with him, hmm?

He's gay, Ma.

So?

Oh.

Well, what are you

making faces?

You think I don't know

I sound neurotic?

I know.

I can hear myself.

I'd like a grandchild.

So...

Shoot me.

All right, Ma.

Well, you'll be happy to know

I'm looking into

getting some eggs frozen.

Wonderful. I can tell everyone

I'm having a grandsicle, hmm?

Ha ha! Oh, come on, now.

That was good.

Well, it was cute.

It was definitely clever.

Okay. Any idea what we're planning

up here with these rollers?

Well, for once I want your hair

out of your eyes.

I want your eyes and your

ears open at this wedding.

A wedding is a wonderful

place to meet new people.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes