Porky's Page #4

Now that's the back way up to the pen.

Go through the door and wait for a knock.

- That door over there?

- That door.

Wait for a knock, step through another door, and you're in.

And the girls'll be waiting.

- You like that, kid?

- Yeah.

I'll give you a night to remember.

You little piece of sh*t.

Did you see those broads?

They're really hot.

They're paid to be hot, Casanova.

- I don't like this. We're being had.

- Tim, it's under control.

- I smell p*ssy behind that door.

- I can't feel any door.

- I knew it.

- Are you ready, boys?

I told ya. Hell, yeah, we're ready.

- Are you sure you're ready?

- Yeah. Come on, let's go.

OK. Here comes your night to remember.

- I'm drownin'. I'm drownin'.

- A**hole. It's only two feet deep.

- Nice work, Jarvis. Great work!

- Mickey. You promised to get me laid.

- You're a horseshit procurer.

- I'll take care of it.

- We're out 20 bucks apiece.

- I'll take care of it.

Set 'em up, bartender. Whatever they want.

Shut the f*** up.

I wanna see Porky,

and I wanna see him now.

Get that piece of pigshit out here.

How was the p*ssy, boys?

- I want a piece of your fat ass.

- Sure you do.

- Let's step outside. We don't wanna...

- Play fair with me, fat man.

Mickey, I don't mind you

being stupid, but this is crazy.

Get outta here.

- Dammit. The damn sheriff.

- Hold it.

Hold it.

You better f***in' freeze, buster.

What's goin' on, Pork?

I was givin' the place an enema,

and this pile of sh*t...

Shut up, boy.

Just shut up.

Well, it looks like to me

we got five Angel Beach a**holes here.

Yes, sir. Five walkin', talkin' rectums.

- Where's your car, boy?

- Right there.

- You from Seward County?

- Yeah.

I don't know about Seward County,

but we got laws here

about drivin' with busted headlights.

- I don't have a busted headlight.

- Don't have a busted headlight?

Sh*t.

Now that's a $35 fine,

35 bucks or a night in jail.

Sh*t. I got 15 bucks.

- I got five.

- You got five, you got 15?

- I got 12.

- I think I got three.

Watch this.

Goddammit.

You got a busted taillight, too.

That's 20 more dollars. Can you cover it?

- I got ten.

- Give it to me. Gimme all you got.

I guess I can show leniency

for first offenders. Whaddaya say, Pork?

Shall I give these nice lads a break?

They seem like a nice bunch

of clean-cut Angel Beach pussies.

A little smelly... Yeah, give 'em a break.

You heard the man. You get your candy asses

back to Seward County, and keep 'em there.

This here's a man's county.

Go on, get the f*** out. Go on. Come on.

Go on. Here we go.

- Here we go. Go on home now.

- I don't think they'll be comin' back.

Let's get back inside.

Worst thing is, you guys are out 100 bucks.

- This is the kind of thing you write off.

- Here.

- Again?

- I got it last time.

- Mick, I'm telling you, they're bad mothers.

- I'm goin' back to get that pig.

- Yeah, right, Mick!

- Yeah, Meat.

Mickey, are you crazy?

- What are you, a big man?

- Forget it, OK? We lost.

What do you think this is?

What are you, a tough guy or somethin'?

- Evenin', boys.

- Hello, Ted.

You don't look too terrific, little brother.

I hear you tried to butt heads with Porky.

- I'd have whipped him without that sheriff.

- That scumbag sheriff sided with Porky.

- That "scumbag sheriff" is Porky's brother.

- What?

- Sh*t.

- Unbelievable.

- Now, just where were you headed?

- Back to Porky's.

Well, if he kicks your ass again,

then what are you gonna do?

I'll go back, and just keep goin' back.

This guy's dangerous.

He's playin' with you now,

but he's gonna get tired of you,

then he's gonna hurt you bad.

Am I gonna have to take you home myself?

All right, I'm goin' home.

Redneck.

- Do you think he's really goin' back?

- Runs in the family, I'm afraid.

- What's up?

- He wanted to go after Porky.

Just hope he lives to outgrow it.

The girls are waiting, Miss Honeywell.

- How's Lassie?

- Lassie's fine.

She's still a virgin, but she's fine.

You, on the other hand, are gonna be dead if

you don't tell me why they call her Lassie.

Cavanaugh, you get wiped out by that trick

every time. When are you gonna learn, son?

- Cavanaugh, off the floor.

- It was an accident, Coach.

Bullshit. That was no accident. Off the floor, now.

You're suspended indefinitely.

Nobody who plays like that plays for me.

Move.

You all right, son?

Yeah.

Anybody wanna go

fly a kite with me tonight?

I think it's great weather

for flyin' kites.

I wonder if there are

any kites around here we can fly.

Hey, listen, Cavanaugh.

It's not "kites". It's "kike".

K-I-k-e. Kike.

You know, you're too stupid

to even be a good bigot.

Behind the gym, Jew-boy, as soon as

the coaches have gone. Jew-boy.

Suit yourself.

A**hole.

- Sh*t. This guy's a ringer.

- Yeah.

- Get him, Tim.

- Come on, Timmy.

Nice move, Tim.

Get him, Tim.

Get him, Timmy.

Jeez.

All right, Tim. That's enough.

Knock it off. That's enough.

All right. It's over. Let me go.

All right, shake hands.

Go on.

How did you learn to fight like that?

Listen, when you're Jewish, you either

learn to fight or you take a lotta sh*t.

I don't like to take sh*t, so I learned

how to box, and I studied a little jujitsu.

That Japanese stuff, right?

How often have you had to use it?

Well, this was the first time.

- Were you sure you'd remember how?

- Well, I was hopin'.

Look, Brian. Tim's our buddy, but you

gotta understand, he's got problems.

I noticed.

It's easy for him to take it out on you,

cos he thinks you're puttin' him down.

He's not a bad guy.

He's a prick.

- You're right. He's a prick.

- He's a schmuck.

- What?

- A schmuck.

That's Jewish for "prick", right?

- Yeah, sort of.

- Yeah, well...

Anyway, even though he's a schmuck and...

We don't like everything he does,

but he's still our buddy, you know?

I... I understand.

Well, listen, I gotta go.

See you guys later.

- Take it easy, Brian.

- So long, Brian.

This is great. I'm gonna get her.

This is great. It's

great, Meat, it's great.

I know I got her.

- Wendy, hon, would you get that for me?

- You got it.

- Deadbeats.

- Hello. Hi.

I... I'm lookin' for a friend of mine.

He's supposed to be there.

- What's his name?

- His name's Michael Hunt.

- Mike. Mike, yes.

- Mike Hunt? OK, just hang on a minute.

Is Mike Hunt here?

Is Mike Hunt here?

Has anybody seen Mike Hunt?

Practically everybody in town,

from what I hear.

Hey, Frank, ask one of the carhops

if Mike Hunt's outside.

- Telephone call for Mike Hunt.

- I got her. I got her.

Is Mike Hunt in the parking lot?

Is Mike Hunt in the parking lot?

Do you know Mike...

Oh, God!

- Pee Wee.

- Got her, Tommy.

Pee Wee, I'm gonna get you.

You little prick.

And I mean that literally.

What's wrong with Meat?

I thought he didn't drink.

He doesn't. But he found out today

he got turned down by Princeton.

Princeton sucks. It sucks.

I thought he had scholarship offers

from 60 other colleges.

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