Porky's Page #7

- What we gonna do?

- Just sit tight.

We're gonna give Porky a night to remember.

- Hey, Brian, where are you goin'?

- To do some reconnaissance.

Hey, Brian. Wait a minute.

Look, when we go to Porky's,

do me a favour, OK?

Don't tell him your name is Schwartz.

Those guys are prejudiced out there.

All right.

What about Paddy Aloysius O'Brien?

Nah, too Jewish. Let's

not take any chances.

All right. What about Sean Mulcahy?

Wait a minute.

Go ahead.

OK, thanks. We're just waitin'

for the guys from the bridge.

Oh, sh*t.

Come on.

Billy. Billy. Tommy.

OK, I gotta go relieve Coach.

- Everything go all right?

- Like a precision drill team. Thanks.

Well... Good luck, kiddo.

I'll have everything ready.

Get ready for Jarvis's revenge.

- Hey, man, this better work.

- Don't worry.

There it is.

They're ready.

- What do we do now?

- Wait.

All we gotta do now is wait.

Billy. Billy.

Billy loves those bird calls.

All right. Now, If there's any sign of

guns, don't bother hookin' this up.

- We're gettin' the hell out, all right?

- Billy, be careful.

You'll never get one to fit me

out of that rubber machine.

What's that? What the hell is that?

- I wanna see Porky.

- Who wants to see Porky?

Tell him the boys from

Angel Beach are here.

Tell him to bring the best he's got

and meet us in the parking lot - now.

Jesus Christ.

Hey! Do you believe that?

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Porky?

The boys from Angel Beach are here.

All right, now. Remember -

any sign of guns and we're gone, OK?

Yo. Billy.

Where are these little virgins

that think they've reached manhood?

You wanna tangle ass with me?

Come up here, you sawed-off punk.

I'll educate ya.

I'll wrap this right around

your damn neck. Come on.

Boy oh boy, Porky, we're really scared.

I guess we'd better go now.

- Get your ass on home.

- I hope sh*t floats.

You'll float if I catch you here again,

you little sh*t.

What are they up to now?

All right. Grab everything that kills.

I'm gonna kill em', the dumb shits.

I got splinters in my butt.

Let's go.

Don't you son of a b*tches know the

difference between drive and reverse?

- I did have it in drive, boss.

- Get us outta here.

It's gone.

Porky's is gone.

You're dead, you sons of b*tches.

I'm gonna get you.

I'm gonna kill you with my bare hands.

Get that Pigmobile up here.

I'm gonna break your f***in' necks myself.

Get their asses.

- Sh*t.

- Come on, forget it. We're leavin'.

We're leavin'. Come on.

- Did you check that car out?

- Ain't nothin' wrong with this car, boss.

"Ain't nothin' wrong with this car, boss."

Let's go. Come on.

Come on, fellas. Come on. Step on it.

Pork. Pork.

Come on. Let's go.

Where the hell were you?

See what those kids did to my club?

Hit that pig whistle.

Come on, Billy, let's go.

We're gonna do it.

Come on, Billy. They're gainin' on us.

- All right.

- Come on. Let's go.

There's the county line,

goddammit. Step on it.

We're gonna make it.

I want those little nosy mothers arrested,

and I mean like right now.

- They destroyed my club.

- How'd they do that?

- They've been comin' in there for weeks.

- Which ones?

- This one, and that little bastard back there.

- All right, Mickey.

This 16-year-old, and this 17- year-old

youngster have been in your establishment?

They've been comin' in before,

This ain't the first time...

- Especially that little son of a...

- We may have made a mistake.

- What are you talkin' about?

- They're youngsters.

Those boys just destroyed my station house

and two of my cars.

I want them booked on felony charges,

destruction of private property, and assault.

- Hold on...

- Hold on, my ass.

You're in my county now.

I wonder what I could book you for?

Let's see...

Get him, brother.

Broken headlight.

That's a $50 fine in Seward County.

I got that right here.

Damn.

Blown tyre. That's too bad.

Broken radiator. This car is a mess.

- Sh*t.

- Broken hood ornament.

- Any questions?

- All right, how much do you want?

I'll let you off on the promise that you get

your fat ass back across that county line,

and the promise from your brother that

what occurred tonight will be forgotten.

- Why don't you stick it up your...

- Promise. For chrissakes, promise.

- I promise to shove my foot up his...

- Promise him.

Promise him, you a**hole,

or you'll be back shovellin' pigshit.

- I promise.

- I can't hear you.

I said I promise, you motherf...

I promise.

Now get this car out of Seward County.

You've blown away our engine,

we got one flat tyre. How?

Just put a little weight behind it.

I'm sure you boys can manage that.

OK, you guys. Get your shoulders

behind this thing. Let's get outta here.

Hey, listen up.

It's Tommy and Brian. Let's go get 'em.

- What a perfect ending?

- Yeah, perfect!

- What's with him?

- Take care of that, Mick.

What's wrong with you, Pee Wee?

We just blew up Porky's. That was my last

chance. Now I'm never gonna get laid.

- Oh, no, you... Wendy. Wendy. Come here.

- No, Tommy. Don't make me.

Yeah. You said if we pulled it off,

you'd break Pee Wee's cherry.

- A bet's a bet. Now you gotta pay off.

- I shoulda gotten better odds.

- Whaddaya mean, "break Pee Wee's cherry"?

- You wanna get laid or not?

- If you're not cherry, you don't get Wendy.

- I'm cherry.

You could put me on top of

a banana split, I'm so cherry.

Well?

Well... Oh, all right, all right.

Just... just don't tell anybody, OK?

- Hey, don't worry. It'll only take a minute.

- All right, Pee Wee.

Pee Wee. You idiot.

- Here he comes.

- Hey, it's Ready Eddie.

What now, Pee Wee?

- I need a rubber.

- Didn't I tell ya?

- Do you believe this?

- You have to do this with a little...

The Ramses, curse of the Pharaohs.

Hey, Pee Wee. Hey, Pee Wee.

It fits over your dick.

It's too big.

Pee Wee, we don't have

any training rubbers.

- Pee Wee, tie a knot in this one.

- I got ajunior size.

Hey, Pee Wee. Whaddaya think this is,

the return desk at Macy's?

Sh*t. Sh*t. Sh*t.

I'd know that penis anywhere.

I saw it. I saw it.

Arrest him.

Arrest him. I can identify him.

Positively.

Jeez.

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