Porky's 3: Revenge Page #3

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go into her old man's illegal

casino to take pictures?

- What are you, nuts?

- Well, you have to, um, distract her.

Distract her with what?

My friend, there comes a time

in every man's life...

where he must rise

to the occasion.

Oh, come on, man.

Every time you guys get

a wild hair up your ass...

I gotta go stick

my neck out, you know?

Not my pants!

Not my pants!

Come on. Come on, please?

Not my pants.

- Not my pants!

- Yes! Come on!

I like a man who

plays hard to get.

Will you stop it?

Not my pants!

Huh? Come on!

Not my pants!

Will you stop it? Please? Huh?

Come on, will you get off of me?

- I want to ride you, jungle beast.

- Hey, come on. I...

- Sh*t!

- Please! I ripped my shorts.

- Sh*t!

- Come on! Leave me alone!

Aah! Sh*t!

Cut it out!

Well, what's going on?

Well, Meat's doing

pretty great up there.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah, he's doing terrific.

Yeah, he's getting a lot of pictures.

Okay, boys.

What the hell you doing here?

This is private property.

What the f*** you all

think you're doing?

You was trespassin', boy.

According to the law,

I could shoot...

Great galloping gobs

of goat sh*t!

You're the little bastards

that ruined my place.

Well, I'm glad to see

you back, boys...

'cause now I'm gonna

ruin you for good.

Hey, wait a minute.

uh, look.

You really don't want to do this.

I don't, huh?

Porky, do you really think

we came all this way...

down here to see you without...

without a good reason?

I mean, we knew we were risking our lives.

At least give us a chance to talk to you.

You better talk fast, boy...

'cause I've been wanting to find

you kids for one hell of a long time.

Look, uh, do you think we

could go ashore and talk?

This is kind of

complicated business.

- Y-Yes. We'd like to talk business.

- Business.

Business.

Kill the little f***ers!

Do the words "state championship"

mean anything to you?

Yeah, it does.

All right.

Let's go into my bar.

Maybe we can talk some business.

Get in there! Don't argue with me!

Where are you?

What are you doing, huh?

Where's my pants?

This ain't funny here.

Where's my pants?

- What the hell are you doing?

- Come here, big boy.

Now, what is this bullshit

about the state championship, boy?

Yeah, uh, state championship.

That's...

That's what we were talking

about, wasn't it? uh...

Tommy, why don't you

explain what we mean...

when we say "state championship. "

Right.

uh...

Billy, I think you're probably

better at this sort ofthing.

uh-huh. No, thank you, sir.

I don't drink.

Hey, I don't do business

with pussies. Drink up.

- Drink! You.

- uh...

You were saying?

This ain't funny, man.

There's somebody downstairs.

We got to get dressed

and get out of here.

Come on, big boy. Ride me!

Yeah, come on. Ride me!

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes! Yes!

You're gonna throw the state

championship? Bullshit!

- Yes. Yes.

- You have our word on it.

Yes. Yes.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

We told Porky we'd throw

the game, right?

So the coach is offthe hook,

and now it's our asses, right?

I don't believe it.

Four years of practice.

We finally get to the state

championship, and we've got to lose.

Look, I mean, we at least got the

coach out oftrouble, right, guys?

Yeah, and ourselves into it.

Hey, what's life all about?

Living.

It's definitely about living.

Yeah? Well,

I ain't throwin' no game.

- Hey, that's it!

- What?

This is so simple.

All we have to do

is win that game.

- Win?

- Yeah. Sure. And then we're heroes.

And nobody fucks with heroes.

- He bought the funny farm.

- Wait a second. I like his idea.

Look, ifwe hold

a press conference...

afterwe win the game...

and announce that certain

unscrupulous elements...

wanted us to throw that game...

nobody'll be able to touch us.

We'll be a shining example...

of good, clean, American youth.

us?

We believe in Mom, apple pie

and the American flag, right?

Yeah.

People eat that stuff up.

Including me. Especially the

part about winning games.

- Well, Angel Beach Gators!

- Yeah!

You may notice the pericardium...

which is that little

sac around the heart.

Once you find it, be...

Mr. Tupperello, you haven't

made your dorsal incision.

- I don't feel so hot.

- Make the incision.

I can't.

Here is your scalpel.

Now cut.

Oh, God.

You expect me to believe...

that the captain

of a basketball team...

would faint at the

sight of a mere frog?

It wasn'tjust a frog.

It was a dead frog.

She wanted me to cut the

thing open. She hates me.

Miss Webster is one of the finest...

most dedicated teachers

in this school.

She wants you to get the best

education possible. Ifthat's possible.

Even... now, get this,

Tupperello...

Even if it means giving up

all extracurricular activities.

I'll do anything,

as long as I can play basketball.

I was talking about basketball!

I can't give up playing.

We're going to the state championship.

Fail your biology exam...

and the team will have

to win without you.

Miss Webster's recommended that you

not be allowed to play basketball...

unless you get a passing

grade on her biology exam.

And I'm backing her

up on that 100%!

Get the hell out of here!

I got it covered.

Sh*t!

- What's the problem, buddy?

- The door won't open.

- Try the knob.

- Nice work. Come on.

Okay. Spread out.

Search the drawers

shelves, everywhere.

Hey, Meat.

What's the exam look like?

It's fury,

and it's got balls this big.

What the hell do you think

a biology exam looks like?

I didn't know. I'm not in your class.

Hey, Meat. Human brain.

You could use one, huh?

Hey, Meat. You okay?

Meat?

Let's get him some air.

Over here.

Geez!

Are you okay?

- Come on, Meat. Meat! It's just a brain.

- You're not helping.

I can't find the

dang test anywhere.

Maybe it's in her apartment.

You crazy?

We're gonna break in to

Miss Webster's apartment...

and steal an exam?

Think about this, Tommy.

Ifwe get caught,

we could get sent to jail.

Think about this.

If Meat doesn't pass

that biology exam...

we can kiss the state

championship good-bye.

Shh!

Whoa!

- Not bad.

- Somejoint!

Let's just hurry up, get the test,

get the hell out of here. Okay, guys?

- Hey. Maybe you better check that desk.

- Yeah. Check the desk.

Yeah, check the desk.

Ah!

Hey, guys.

Come here. Quick.

What?

You can see my grandmother's apartment

from here. She's dusting her furniture.

Oh, this must be our lucky day.

Maybe we can watch her

give her cat a flea bath.

My grandmother

doesn't have a cat.

But if she's in yourfamily,

I bet she has fleas.

Will you guys cut it out?

We gotta get back to work.

She's here! Sh*t!

Sh*t!

Sh*t!

The lights!

- That was a lovely dinner.

- Mmm. Great pasta.

And the service

was extraordinary.

- And the ambiance.

- Mmm, and the music. Oh, the music!

You know,

that Anthony Tupperello...

really is a dumb son of a b*tch.

He's gonna win the state

championship for us. We need him.

Need? I don't need him

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