Porky's 3: Revenge Page #4

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throwing frogs down my blouse.

- Ah, he's just a kid.

- He's no kid.

Okay, he's a dumb son of a b*tch.

What'll it be tonight, hmm?

I could be the

Southern bartender.

And you can be the impotent

alcoholic monk...

thatjust escaped

from the monastery.

Oh, goody!

That's my favorite!

What will it be...

honey?

Gosh, I don't know.

I'm-I'm not much of a drinker.

You don't look like you're

much of anything to me.

I know.

That's what they tell me...

at the m-monastery.

How about some Benedictine?

S- Sure. You're the boss.

Isn't that what they

drink at the monastery?

On the... On the rocks.

On the rocks.

Oh, yeah!

How come you left the monastery?

I guess because I always wondered

what it would be like to...

to...

- to...

- Say it, big boy!

To see a woman's breasts.

- Cough!

- Aah!

Now I know how she

affords this apartment.

Come on.

Come on, big boy.

Hyah!

Hyah! Hyah!

Well, if it's tits you want...

take a look at these.

Oh, my God.

Give me strength.

Touch me, big boy.

No, I can't. It's a sin.

It's a sin.

I'd feel terribly ashamed.

But you can't control yourself,

can you?

I can! I... I have to!

Then I'll take off everything

and make you beg.

No, no!

Please... Please don't.

- No! Don't!

- Come on, big boy. Beg.

Come on! Beg!

I ain't beggin'!

You're... You're coming with me, b*tch.

- What about the monastery?

- Oh, I'll f*** the monastery!

Oh, oh, Billy, when can

I view the Svlinken film?

uh...

Svlinken, the Swedish director.

Remember?

- You said you'd arrange a screening.

- Oh, right. Yes. uh...

You're really gonna

love it, sir.

There's this man in

black socks and a mask.

He represents the loneliness

ofthe Hungarian peasants.

Oh, that's very interesting.

I'll schedule the film just as soon as we

stop running those personal hygiene films.

- Hygiene films?

- You know...

Keep clean, Billy.

Yes.

I couldn't believe it.

I'm looking through this keyhole.

I have this incredible view, right?

Guys, I'm telling you,

these two are hot.

- They're really hot.

- Dobish and Miss Webster?

Then what happened?

I had to leave when they started

singing "Mack the Knife. "

Pee Wee says Dobish

and Miss Webster

are going at it again in

her apartment tonight.

- So?

- So?

We might be able to get some photographs

ofthem. Perfect blackmail material.

Forget it. We blew it last time

with your stupid camera.

Look. I'll take the

photographs this time.

I'll even rent a better camera

with some telephoto lenses.

How do we get the shots?

Easy. Pee Wee's grandmother

lives right across the street.

Whoa, whoa. Time out. Come on.

Let's leave my grandmother out ofthis.

Pee Wee...

if you let us use your

grandmother's apartment...

I'll give you your own private...

personal collection of photographs

of Dobish and Miss Webster...

including "Mack the Knife. "

So what time do I tell

her to expect us?

I can't wait to share

this recipe with my mother.

I wish I had a grandmother

just like you.

Thank you, boys.

Thank you.

- I sure do appreciate your help.

- Oh, it's our pleasure, Grandma.

To be in the company

of such a gracious...

charming,

attractive woman is a joy.

Yes, and to allow us

into your kitchen...

and teach us all your

great culinary secrets...

My husband, Fat Harry...

may he rest in peace...

always used to tell me,

"never sh*t a shitter. "

Here's his teeth. You know,

he was such a great eater.

Pee Wee, you got a great grandma.

Isn't she great?

- One of a kind.

- Yeah. Made her and threw away the mold.

Oh, Edward, where did you

ever find these slick boys?

Did you just meet 'em?

No, Grandma. We've been

friends for a long time.

Well, how come you never

told me about 'em?

Well, I-I've been busy.

Never say you're too busy

to visit your grandmother.

Now, eat your soup.

I already broke the

bread for you.

You sure you know how

to work these things?

Yeah.

You know,

they're pretty complicated.

So simple,

a child could use 'em.

I don't mean that as

an insult, Meat.

Say anything you want.

Just take the pictures, huh?

Okay.

Tell me again about that boy

at the window with the camera.

uh, you see,

he's studying photography...

and he needs these pictures

for his term paper.

And it's only from my window...

that he should get such pictures?

- You have a great view.

- The perfect angle.

Hey, could you excuse

us a second, Grandma?

We'll be right back.

- You hungry?

- I'm always hungry.

He's always hungry, Grandma.

- Want to eat?

- Yeah.

Who?

That's funny, buddy.

Yeah, Grandma's funny.

We just hit pay dirt.

- Whoa! look at that!

- You getting it?

- I'm getting it all.

- "Mack the Knife"?

Got a chain.

Cat-o'- nine-tails.

What are they doin'?

Whippin' up Meat a

4.0 grade average.

Hey, here's a picture of

my mom in the drama club.

They sure dressed funny then,

didn't they?

There's Balbricker.

Look.

"Beulah Balbricker. "

Says, uh,"debating team,

arts and crafts and wrestling. "

"Bubbles may be the captain

ofthe girls' wrestling team...

but Snooky Kelton is the one she'd

most like tumbling around with. "

They called Balbricker "Bubbles"?

Let's see what old

Snooky looks like.

Here he is.

Sam "Snooky" Kelton.

You know, I wonder

what would happen...

ifwe got old Bubbles and

Snooky back together again.

You just gave me

a wonderful idea.

- You guys hungry?

- Yeah, let's hit Deadbeats.

My dearest...

darling...

Bubbles.

It's been so long

since I've felt your...

grip.

Ooh!

Hey, you little devil.

You latched on to that Inga, huh?

Told you it's not the size of the dog;

it's how hard he bites.

Tommy, you're not gonna

believe this. It's great Pee Wee.

It's incredible!

I can't believe it!

Look. She's meeting me in a

motel room. I can't believe it.

- I can't believe it.

- Believe it.

The girl must recognize

that I'm in my prime.

You know, she's Swedish.

They have knowledge.

This says she's gonna meet you

in the Moonbeam Motel, room 48?

"Naked and ready"?

Oh. Hey, hey. Easy, easy.

- Naked and ready.

- Geez.

What, you gonna go

dressed like that?

- Yeah, what's wrong with the way I look?

- For Inga?

From a foreign county with

the great gazoombies?

Tsk. Your old man got a tux?

Tuxe... Oh, yeah. Why?

Why don't...

Why don't you get it?

You show up, all

distinguished... a tuxedo...

a nice, big bow tie.

- She'll like it.

- Thanks, Tommy.

No. Don't take flowers and candy.

Show up like a man.

- A man. Thanks, Tommy.

- Yeah.

- Oh, great.

- Lucky us.

- Hello, boys.

- What's goin' on, ladies?

How about old Balbricker

in the raw...

in a motel room waiting

for her true love?

Yeah, what's that

supposed to mean?

Balbricker sent this reply

to the post office box...

I assigned to Snooky Kelton.

She wrote:
"Dear Snooky. "

"After all these years and

after all that's happened...

"it was wonderful

hearing from you again.

"I would love to see you

whenever and wherever you want.

"Just name the time

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