Porky's 3: Revenge Page #5

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and the place.

Impatiently yours, Bubbles. "

I named the time and the place.

She's gonna show up?

The Moonbeam Motel,

right about now.

- But not with Snooky.

- Who with?

Pee Wee.

All right. Let's keep

it down. Here he comes.

Come in.

Oh!

- Is that you, darling?

- uh-huh.

Hurry! Hurry, please!

Please? Oh!

Oh! Oh! Flowers.

I love this!

- Wish we had a program.

- Hey, here come the girls.

- Everything okay so far?

- Yep.

Great.

Oh, candy!

It tastes so good!

Ah! Hurry.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah. Yeah!

What the hell is this?

It's Pee Wee.

I don't get it.

Hi, guys.

uh, what's goin' on?

What are you doin' here?

What am I doing here?

What are you doing here?

You're supposed to be

in there with Balbricker.

Balbricker?

Well, Jesus, Pee Wee, ifyou're

not in there, who the hell is?

Tommy Turner.

What, do you think I was

made with a finger?

Where's the camera

when we need it?

Oh, Inga!

Snooky?

- "Snooky"?

- "Inga"?

Sh*t. Sh*t!

I'm gonna... Get off!

I've got you now, you freak!

You juvenile obscenity!

I've got you now, Tommy Turner!

You poor excuse for humanity!

Beulah!

Introducing the

Angel Beach Gators!

Welcome to the state

championship game.

Now taking the floor,

the Harmon Hornets!

I'm gonna break his

f***in' finger off.

Just be happy you're

in the game at all.

Well, turns out we didn't need those

photographs of Miss Webster after all.

Wendy tutored me,

and I'm pretty sure I passed.

- Why didn't you tell me?

- What are you talkin' about?

I told Billy. He said that he

was gonna leave the photographs.

No. No, I left them right

on Miss Webster's desk.

Shoot.

- Busy hands are happy hands!

- Cut it out!

- Son of a b*tch.

- What's the matter? Huh?

- He's got a lot of right answers.

- Well, that's good.

Not as far as I'm concerned.

I'm gonna make sure that

that Anthony Tupperello

doesn't play in that

basketball game.

Why didn't you tell me

the final game is tonight?

Everybody knows it's tonight.

It's for the state championship.

Well, if it's such an important

event, why aren't we going?

I promised I'd take

Sharon and the kids.

You're taking yourwife

to a school function?

- Darling, it'sjust for tonight.

- Don't you "darling" me...

you two-timing pervert!

- Get out! Out! Out!

- Okay. Okay. All right. All right.

I never want to see you again.

Freak! Out! Out!

Howdy, Coach.

What are you doin' here?

I- I don't have the money yet.

Hey, don't worry about a thing.

That's already been taken care of.

I got a bundle riding on this game

tonight. You understand me?

I hope you bet on Angel Beach.

You're a very funny man, Coach.

Very funny man.

The teams are returning

to the dressing rooms...

for last-minute instructions.

Tonight you have the

chance to be champions.

And if you do that, I'm the

coach that got you there...

and that's what my

life is about.

Now, I want you to go out there...

and win.

Locker room.

Coach?

Coach Good enough. Oh, Miss

Webster. What can I do for you?

Hold it, Meat.

- I can't let you play.

- Why not?

That was Miss Webster.

You failed your biology exam.

Aw, come on, Coach.

That's impossible! I know I passed!

Come on, you guys. Quit stalling.

Get out there and play.

Coach, there's no way

we can win without Meat.

Who's gonna play for Meat?

Quit stallin'.

You guys got a game to win.

Bullshit!

Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit!

Bullshit! Bullshit!

Bullshit! Bullshit!

Your daddy's gonna win

a bundle on this one.

You having a good time?

I'd have a better time

if my Meat was playing.

- Say what?

- Nothing.

Halftime buzzer!

The score:

the Harmon Hornets, 39;

Angel Beach Gators, 19.

I thought I told you to get out!

Ifwe don't do something

about these, we'll both be out.

I know they're bigger and stronger...

but ifwe don't start crashing

the boards in the second half...

the score ofthis game is gonna wind up in

the Guinness Book of Embarrassing Records.

Locker room.

Coach?

Coach Good enough.

And upon closer scrutiny,

I discovered that Mr. Tupperello

has passed his biology exam.

So should you decide

that his participation...

would enhance your chances at

the basketball championship,

please feel free to use him.

Meat! Keep scoring!

Bastards! Damn bastards!

Edward Morris, the

last available substitute...

reporting to the scorer's bench.

Sons of b*tches. Those dirty,

little rat-f***ing bastards!

They double-crossed me again.

Now someone's gonna pay for this sh*t!

What the hell are you

so happy about?

- Meat won the game for me.

- Who did what for you?

Meat. Meat Tupperello.

He's my boyfriend.

You know that boy?

- We went all the way.

- You what?

We went all the way.

- Sh*t.

- You want him dead orjust crippled?

I want that bastard married to her.

"And then with two seconds left...

"a reserve guard with nerves

of steel came to the fore.

"Edward 'Pee Wee' Morris took

the last shot to win the game...

proving that this young man

has ice water running in his veins. "

Pee Wee's gonna love that.

Come to think of it,

where the hell is he?

Guys!

- What's with him?

- How do I look?

- You look like you ate a rug.

- Oh, yeah?

Well, when Porky comes

looking for you guys,

remember who was smart

enough to wear a disguise.

He's not gonna come looking for us.

uh-uh.

Yeah, you made the winning shot.

It says so right here in the paper.

Oh, sh*t! It was luck I tell ya.

It was just luck.

The ball landed in my hands. I just threw

it so those Harmon guys wouldn't kill me.

I didn't even know where

the basket was. I swear.

Hi, guys.

- Hi.

- Did you see who's on the beach?

Balbricker.

She's been there all morning.

God, I feel awful.

- Why?

- Look what we did to her.

We built up her hopes to see somebody

she's been crazy about all these years...

and then we zapped her

with a sick practical joke.

What do you mean "we"?

All right, I started it.

It's my fault. I feel terrible.

How do you think I feel?

I was in bed with her.

Boy, she looks in pretty bad shape.

Well, there's nothin'

we can do about it now.

Yes, there is.

We can find Snooky Kelton.

What are you, nuts?

How are we gonna find him?

Yeah, he could be dead

already for all we know.

He's alive and living in Miami,

and we can be there by this afternoon.

This is pure filth.

Pornographic filth.

I sat through every disgusting

frame ofthis film...

twice.

And as a result...

I am physically ill.

Mr. Carter, art is a

very subjective phenomenon.

Can it, McCarty. You're not gonna

pull the wool over my eyes again.

Now I have no choice but to...

Good morning, everybody.

I'm so sorry I'm late.

Oh, no, no, no. You're not

late at all, Miss Balbricker.

About the film... Now you...

you were perfectly right.

It is the worst piece of pornographic

trash that I have ever seen.

It's raunchy, degrading,

beneath the human dignity.

Oh, come on, Harold.

Don't be such a tight-ass.

Ah, I-I beg your par...

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