Prego

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I'm pregnant

Oh yeah, it's pretty pleasant... Fancy.

can I get you anything else?

No. We're good. Thank you.

She's cute. I wonder what her deal is.

what?

I'm pregnant

Hey! Wow! Congratulations!

Who's the lucky dad?

You are.

No... seriously

Pregnant?

Yes. Pregnant.

What do you mean pregnant?

How are you pregnant?

You're kidding, right?

hmmm... mmm... this is good coffee

Hey!

Do you... do you get what's going on here?

What?

I'm pregnant!

So?

So? So, it's yours what do you mean so?

Mine...

Yeah!

What's mine?

The baby

Hey dad!

I'm gonna burn your f***ing house down!

Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!

You're pregnant

Yes!

And... it's...

mine...

It's yours alright...

Are you sure?

Can you double check?

Oh my God!

Oh! How could I let this happen?

I think I'm ready to settle down...

with someone else...

I'm breaking up with you

You know what?

F*** em'

Woo!

Girl... Power

Oh my God!

Shut up!

Ah!

Oh! When will death take me?

Say...

How the hell are we going to raise a baby?

hmmm...

Give it breast milk...

...and plenty of sunlight,

I'm sure it will be fine

It's not a f***ing plant

You give your plants breast milk?

Okay, you know what?

You're a real a**hole

Why?

You're not taking this sh*t seriously!

You and I are about to have a baby,

my friend. A real life f***ing baby.

Now I need you to man up and take some

responsibility because I am not raising a kid by myself

Now I need to know, right now!

Are you in? or are you out?

Hey dad!

Let's smoke this sh*t!

I'm in!

Count me in!

Okay...

You're in... That's...

It's good.

So how much money do you have?

Why?

You want money now? How much do you want?

I was hoping that you...

...was going to pay for lunch

No, a**hole! How much money do you make?

What do you do for a living?

I used to be a food tester,

but that didn't pan out

Food tester? Really?

Yeah, I did quality control for

a food company

What company did you work for?

Petco

Petco?

As in the dog food company?

No, this one didn't have a license

Oh, but you were eating

dog food for a living?

Dog food...

Cat food,

Fish food, bird food, all kinds

That is disgusting on so many levels!

Well, it's irrelevant.

They had to shut us down

Apparently some dogs died

of food poisoning...

PETA labeled our food as a form of

"animal abuse"

I don't know... I liked it.

Look lady! 9 out of 10 businesses fail

within the first year

We had a good month

Hold it!

Did you just call me "lady"?

What's my name?

Question mark?

Oh...

Oh! I'm go... I'm gonna...

I'm gonna kill him

I'm gonna...

I'm gonna kill him, I'm gonna...

Dude! Calm down!

What's your problem?

My problem?

You really don't get my problem?

You're broke

You have no income, no future, no prospects

no f***ing sense of reality

And I?

am pregnant!

with a baby! Your baby!

Your f***ing baby!

Babies cost money...

Babies need care, they need a mom and a dad

and you are weird as hell!

and... and...

we're dealing with a human f***ing life here,

what the f*** is the matter with you!

goddammit!

I knew it...

I knew that this was going to happen...

I'm going to have to raise

this baby all alone and...

...and I can't... I can't... I...

Okay, okay, okay! hey, hey, hey...

Don't cry...

You're right...

I'm sorry...

I'm just a little freaked out, is all

This is a lot to handle on a Sunday morning

it's Wednesday!

Whatever...

Look...

You won't have to raise this baby alone

I'll... help you with whatever...

And... I'll be there for you...

every step of the way

You have my word

You take care of the bills...

and the money...

...and all that stuff

and I'll have... an unlimited

...tainted, dog food supply

we're in this together...

I'm Mark by the way

Emily

It's a pleasure

So...

Are you okay?

mm? Yeah!

Sure! Okay!

Look... I'm going to take a piss...

and when I come back

we're going to sit down and talk details

I want to know... everything!

Do you have a bathroom here?

Down the hall, to your left

Oh! That dick!

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