Rachel Getting Married

I want my f***ing Zippo now.

Walter, that is a behavior

that will get you...

F*** you!

Are you making a choice?

Hold on.

- Hello?

- Don't you get it yet, Waldo?

She's making a choice

not to give you your lighter

because you'll torch

the self-help library again.

My name's Walter.

Did you kill anybody recently?

Did you run anybody over

with your f***ing car?

Is that them?

Yeah. Yes, finally.

You're not going to let her drive, are you?

Walter, you are only responsible

for yourself.

- This all your stuff?

- Yeah.

So you never gave me

your cell phone number.

It was a mistake. I'm lucky I didn't

get fired. We've discussed this.

Hey. Here you are.

I thought you were going to

abandon me in rehab.

- No.

- It's 10:
30. You're half an hour late.

I was just standing out here

with these lunatics.

- Oh, my God, you look so great.

- So do you, darling.

- Can I take care of that? Hi, Paul Buchman.

- Rosa. We met last time you came up.

- Yes, hi. Good to see you again.

- Hi.

Okay, let's go. Let's go.

- All right. Sure.

- Great.

- Good luck to you.

- Thank you.

Kym. Good luck to you.

Thank you.

All right. Hey, where is everybody?

- Hey, Carol.

- Hello, Kym.

Where is everybody? Where's Rachel?

She's back at the house getting ready.

There is so much going on at the house,

I cannot tell you, dear.

And you know your sister's doing

everything herself.

My sister's bending the environment

to her will? Really?

There's no wedding planners

or anything like that. It's just her

and Sidney and a whole lot of their friends.

And she is so thrilled

- that you're coming home.

- Great.

- Now, do we have everything?

- Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Can we just go?

Is there somebody that...

Anybody you need to say goodbye to?

God, no.

So are all of these energetic, young

wedding helpers staying at the house?

Because after nine months of constantly

revolving cell mates and crazy people and...

You weren't in a cell, Kym.

What? I was sort of looking forward to

a little privacy for once.

The only extra person at the house is Emma.

- Rachel and Emma.

- Yes.

Good God, how relaxing.

The only two people on the planet

less capable of delegating than Hannibal.

- On the eve of a wedding. Nachtmahr.

- Nachtmahr?

Nachtmahr. You don't know Nachtmahr?

Nachtmahrwas a nightmare so bad

it's in German.

I see.

Rachel must be, like, totally freaking out.

Is she too tense?

Are all of her latent food issues

rearing their heads?

Is she still hoarding Snickers

and Cool Whip under the bed

like when she was in high school?

She never did put that one to rest.

I don't think that's a problem

for her, darling.

No offense, Dad, but you never thought

that was a problem for her.

So I'm really looking forward

to seeing Mom.

You'll see your mom tonight and Andrew

at the rehearsal dinner.

Well, maybe I'll head over there,

to her house, after I see Rachel.

Well, I don't know.

Can we pull over, please?

I'm sorry, I feel nauseous,

and I need something to drink.

- I have a Diet Coke for you.

- I prefer Pepsi from the fountain.

Hey, didn't I see you on Cops?

- Olive.

- Hey, there's Olive.

Rented chairs, tribes of people.

Yep.

- Hey, Dad, don't worry about it.

I'll get it. - Got it.

Hi, gentlemen.

Hello.

Anyway, I'm sorry. I just saw a ghost.

- Is this too short?

- Oh, my God! You are just minute!

Kymmie!

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

I have pins all over me.

- Yeah, I can feel.

- Kym, could you not smoke in here, please?

- You look great.

- Oh, no, I'm so fat.

Well, rehab makes you fat.

It's all the vending machines.

- No, stop it.

- No, you!

I would swear to God

that you were puking again.

- Hi, Kym.

- Hi, Emma.

Seriously, you're so tiny,

it's like you're Asian.

So what's the deal?

Are you an actual shrink yet?

Even though you're like 12 years old.

Rachel's taking psychology, not psychiatry.

You know the difference, right?

You should prescribe something soothing

for Emma, like Vicodin.

I will have my PhD in a year and a half,

and psychologists don't get

prescription pads.

I think they do in Guam, actually.

Could you please put that out?

Emma designed this dress,

and there's, like, 47 yards of fabric,

and it's going to go up like the Hindenburg.

- Okay, okay. I'm sorry. It's going out.

- Thank you, Kym.

Angela Paylin is coming to the wedding.

Angela Paylin is not coming.

- Really?

- Yeah.

Oh, my God!

I ate so much cookie dough and did

so many whippits with Angela Paylin.

I know.

And she confessed to you

her secret Elvis Stojko fantasy.

- How did you...

- What?

- I spied on you.

- Elvis Stojko, the figure skater?

Oh, my God!

She had this fantasy where

she was wearing her hair up,

- and these very serious...

- Very, very

...professional glasses because...

... very serious.

She was an Olympic judge.

A world-renowned judge. At the men's...

- Skating final in the winter Olympics.

- In the winter Olympics.

- And Elvis Stojko was skating...

- For the gold.

In the finals to Could This Be Magic.

By Barry. By Barry!

And just when Barry gets to...

- Now, now, now, and hold on fast!

- Now, now, and hold on fast!

He skates over to the table

and he stops in front of her.

Their eyes lock and he reaches for her hand.

- And she takes it.

- Takes it.

- Undoes her hair!

- Oh, my God.

And they skate as a pair

to the rest of the song.

- And he gets disqualified.

- But he doesn't care!

- But he doesn't care.

- Right. Oh, my God!

I'm going to go downstairs and find Olive

and get some unconditional love.

You look great.

- Welcome home.

- Thank you. Emma.

Speaking of dogs, when am I going to

meet this fianc of yours, anyhow?

He went to pick up some stuff with Kieran.

He'll be back.

I'm making hot dogs and hungabungas.

Who wants what?

- It's too hot.

- I don't eat gluten, Paul.

- Two...

- May I have one, too?

Yeah. You don't eat what, dear?

Gluten.

- Where's Kym?

- Besides, I'm in my dress.

You're in your dress? Let me see it.

- No!

- No!

- All right. Okay.

- Come on, Olive.

- What can I get for you, Kymmie?

- Actually, I'm late for a meeting.

And I have to pee into a cup

and register as a general biohazard.

Okay, I'll drive you, honey.

No, that's okay.

Just tell me which car I should use.

Well, honey...

- Can I get a hungabunga, Paul?

- One hungabunga.

- Can I get one, too?

- Two hungabungas.

Which car?

- Kymmie, do me a favor now.

- Excuse me.

- I have my license.

- I know, dear.

You just wouldn't believe my insurance

right now, and I'm not that comfortable.

Can we figure something else out?

Hi. Hi, I'm here to pee into a cup.

She's here to pee into a cup.

Someone will be right with you.

Okay. There's a meeting I have to get to.

- The meetings are over in the other

building. - I know that.

Someone will be right with you. Have a seat.

I'm an addict.

Cocksucker!

- Only once.

- Sorry.

Only once, my dealer.

- I was very hard up for cash.

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