Rango

bRANGO/b

Rango! Rango!

Rango!

We are gathered here today

to immortalize in song

the life and untimely death

of a great legend.

So sit back, relax, and enjoy your low

calorie popcorn and assorted confections,

while we tell you the strange and

bewildering tale of a hero

who has yet to enter his own story

Hmmm. Hmmmaoh. Muh. Mmmuh!

Mmmmuh! Hmmmuh!

Crunchy-creamy-cookie-candy

-cupcake.

Okay, everybody!

Let's take it from the top.

The stage is set. The night

moist with apprehension.

Alone in her chamber, the princess

prepares to take her own life.

It is far better to nourish

worms than to live without love!

She reaches for

the poison chalice.

Meanwhile, the wicked Malvolio

plots his ascension to the throne.

While her aging father

lies gravely ill.

Yes, I'm gravely ill...

Hark, who goes there?

It is I!

The much anticipated hero

returning to rescue

his emotionally unstable maiden.

Unhand her you jailers of virtue or

taste the bitter sting of my vengeance!

The sting of my...the....

Doctor Marks? Doctor Marks,

I'm not getting anything from you!

People, we've talked about this!

Acting is reacting.

Victor, you were wooden!

There, I said it.

Mister Tims, you were good.

Perhaps a little too good!

What's that, Victor? My character's

undefined? That's absurd!

I know who I am. I'm thee...

I'm the guy! The protagonist, the hero!

Every story needs a hero!

I mean, who else is better qualified to bask

in the adulation of his numerous companions!

The stage is waiting.

The audience thirsts for adventure.

Who am I?

I could be anyone!

I...I could be the sea captain

returning from a mighty voyage,

to reclaim his mechanical arm!

Or the rogue anthropologist,

battling pythons down in the Congo!

Down, Chunga!

And if you desire romance, I will become

the greatest lover the world has ever known!

Hola!

I couldn't help but notice

you noticing me noticing you.

You know the womens find me

uncomfortably good looking.

But you seem remarkably at ease.

Oh, stop it!

No, really...

Well, if you must!

Ha ha! What are you doing?

Oh! That tickles!

Are those real?

That's it! Conflict! Victor, you

were right! I have been undefined!

People, I've had an epiphany!

The hero cannot exist in a vacuum!

What our story needs is

an ironic, unexpected event,

that will propel the hero into conflict.

Mister Tims?

...oye...

That's right! You!

Don't be shy. Come on.

Is okay.

That's it,

a little closer...

Ah. Good.

I won't bite you.

I need a little help here.

Uh...are you okay?

I must get to the other side.

The other side? You mean just now

that was you crossing the road?

That's why... Why did you do that?!

- This is my quest. He waits for me.

Whe... What...Who?

The Spirit of the West, amigo.

The One.

They say he rides an alabaster carriage

with golden guardians to protect him.

Wha...

What are you talking about?

Enlightenment.

We are nothing without it.

Nothing?! Your delusional quest

just ruined my life!

I had an incredibly complex social network!

Highly sophisticated friends! I was very popular!

Friends? I don't see no friends. - Well,

uhm... - You are a very lonely lizard.

Now...Help me up, and I'll

help you find what you seek.

Uhh...You will? - Quickly now.

I must get back to my quest.

You mean, you've done this before?

- O, yes. Many times.

Come, come. - Argh... - That'sit.

Pull my finger.

Uhh... - The Spirit is

waiting for me!

Okay, okay...

Okay! That's not gonna work.

- I must get to the other side.

Why don't you just wait

until there are no cars coming?

Is not so easy as it looks...

A what?

Is a metaphore.

Hey, there's another one!

I knew it!

You need a little help,

amigo?

I think the metaphore broke my spleen.

- The path to knowledge

is fraught with consequence.

Yeah... I'm just lookog for

the path to water.

If you want to find water,

you must first find dirt.

Dirt?

Destiny, she is kind to you.

Tomorrow is Wednesday,

the water comes.

At noon the towns people gather

for a mysterious ritual...

Wow! What uhhh...a town? Like

with real people and everything?

Where? - A days journey.

Follow your shadow.

You want me to just walk out

into the desert?

Uhumm... Tha's the way.

Okay. So you're saying there's a town,

a real town? Not a metaphor town?

Go on.

It's okay.

Okay. Well, then I'm going.

I am leaving the road

- now!

I'm walking ... into...

the desert!

Alone!

- We all have our journeys to make!

I will see you on the other side...

Welcome, amigo,

to the land without end,

The desert and death are

the closest of friends...

we sing of his courage

in this gleeful sung song,

Better pay close attetnion,

he won't be here long...

Here in the Mojave desert, animals

have had millions of years to adapt

to the harsh environment.

But the lizard, he is going to die.

Four score and seven years ago...

Our fathers... - Don't move!

What?

Don't move!

- I'm not moving!

I'm not moving.

- Try to blend in.

What? Blend in?

Wha...whaaa...what do you mean?

Blend in!

Huh? Wh..wha...wha...

what are you saying?

Too late. - No! No! It's not too late!

I..I'm blending! I'm a blender!

Calm down!

What are you doing?

Don't move!

Try not to look conspicuous.

Hey, pst!

Whad'ya doing?

I'm blending.

- Go and blend somewhere else.

Don't distract me!

- No room at the inn!

It's an art not a science!!

- Find your own hiding place!

This is good. - Oh, here she comes!

You better run, Mojito!

What? But you said "don't move".

- That was before. Now... you run!

Adios, amigo.

Oh, hey!

Where's your basket?

Oh, thirsty?

Please! Please don't! Please don't!

I have vertigo! My glands are swollen!

Please, no...

Hey...Madre de Dios!

You! I kill you, you stupid lizard

Get out of there!

I can't help but taste the days

of action! - Oh just shut up and shoot!

No, wait! Come back!

I was just kidding!

We friends, hey?

- I...I don't know you.

Lizards, frogs...- Move over!

- We' practically related!

Move over! - I let you

kiss my sister!

You son of a ....

Where are your friends

now, amigo?

Heeeeeeeelp!

Get your slimy,

webbed phalanges off my boots!

Oh! Uh...sorry!! - I got a beat on you,

stranger. You get up real slow.

Or you wanna spend your afternoon

pickin' your face back together!

No, no, no, no, ma'm,

I don't...

Who are you?

- Whhhoo...am I?

I'm askin' the questions here!

We're in the middle of a drought

now someone's

dumping water in the desert.

Now I suppose it's indeterminable s

omethin' to mention

but I intend to find out

what role you play in all this.

Role? - What are you involved in?

Oh! Well, I...I'm glad you asked. I've got

two one acts, a mystery and a musical

I've been gestating.

I've got the words. I'm just kinda

workin' on the melody. It's like a...

It's...I think it's gonna be

a western.

Hey, monkey got a cracker... Hmhmhm

His mother's making supper.. La-la-la-la...

You ain't from round here,

are you?

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