Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise

---

(man) In 1984, the "Nerd Revolution"

began on the campus of Adams College.

Despite prejudice, persecution

and painful pummelling,

the members of Lambda Lambda Lambda

fraternity overcame the powerful Alpha Betas

and gained control of the Greek Council.

It was a victory that underdogs throughout

the free world would always remember.

It was a defeat the Alpha Betas

would never forget.

Now the Tri-Lambs face their next challenge.

As representatives of Adams, they prepare

to join delegates from across the nation

at the United Fraternity Conference

in legendary Fort Lauderdale.

It is a time for fraternity leaders

to discuss the philosophy of brotherhood,

to set guidelines for their organisations...

and get laid.

# (man) She... wore... an...

# Itsy bitsy teenie weenie

yellow polkadot bikini

# That she wore for the first time today

# She... wore... an...

# ltsy bitsy teenie weenie

yellow polkadot bikini

# That she wore for the first time today

(braying laugh)

(# "ltsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie

Yellow Polkadot Bikini" by Devo)

- Hey, Gilbert.

- Hi, Lewis.

I got you some more reading material.

- Great minds, huh?

- Yeah. Hey, how you feelin'?

- Actually, I'm feelin' pretty stupid.

- Why?

I'm the only guy in the world

who could break his leg playing chess.

Hey, don't get down on yourself, Gilbert.

That was a very tricky move.

- Thanks.

- Sure.

- What's on your mind, Lewis?

- I'll tell you, Gilbert.

You're the president of this chapter

and I don't know if I can lead these guys.

Lewis, you're a born leader.

You got the looks of a Kennedy

and the brains of an Einstein.

And the prowess of a Skolnick.

- (braying laugh)

- (car horn)

Hey, that's my dad. I gotta go, Gilbert.

OK.

- Bye.

- Knock 'em dead.

- (braying laugh)

- I'll be in touch.

- Tickets?

- (nerds) Check.

- Money?

- (nerds) Check.

- Prophylactics?

- (nerds) Che...

(braying laugh)

You kill me, Dad.

You really got the pedal to the metal.

Yeah, I do, Dad. I got

the cruise control locked in at 35.

I'll tell you what. Kick it up to 37.

- Let's live dangerously.

- Dad!

(beeping)

Uplink. It's my pager.

Here you go, Dad.

Just plug that into the lighter.

(Mr Skolnick) OK.

- It needs 13.8 volts.

- Uh-huh. "Gilbert to Lewis."

- Hey, it's Gilbert.

- (Lamar) Gilbert.

(Gilbert) Hi, guys.

Ifyou've kept to your timetable, and I bet you

have, you're now travelling Highway 116...

"approaching the Duttonhoffer cutoff."

- God!

- God, Gilbert!

"Watch out for that pothole."

That Gilbert.

In any case, guys,

I just wanted a chance to tell you to have

a good time and beware of those Alphas.

They're here.

Nerds.

- (Poindexter) You know what?

- What?

According to this, the year-round mean

temperature in Fort Lauderdale's 72 degrees.

Well, it's located 26 degrees,

four minutes north longitude,

80 degrees, nine minutes west latitude.

What did you expect? 68 degrees?

(braying laugh)

Excuse me, miss. I just want you to know that

I don't intend to sleep with another woman

until I'm back here in your arms with my head

resting between your creamy thighs.

Jerk.

Excuse me, miss. I just want you to know

that I don't intend to sleep with another...

Excuse me. Are you with

the group from Adams College?

- Yes, sir.

- Great. May I see your tickets, please?

Good. Follow me. I'll take you directly

to your plane through the VlP entrance.

Wow, did you hear that,

you guys? We're VlPs.

- This is gonna be awesome.

- Where did Booger go?

- (slap)

- (woman) You pig!

- We're VlPs.

- Right here.

Very lmmense Penises.

Uh!

Well, men, we finally made it.

(Wormser sniffs)

Is this change in climate

affecting your allergies?

So far, I'm a little clogged.

I wish I had some Hexidol.

- 30 or 50 milligrams?

- Do you have the liquid?

Coagulant or deconstrictant?

Just blow your nose on

your shirt. That's what I do.

Wow.

Guys, I think that limo's for us.

- (Wormser) Sure this is for the conference?

- (Lewis) Yep.

Take this, please? Thank you.

(# "Back To Paradise" by 38 Special)

Oh, my God.

I love you!

I love you!

We're staying at the Royal Flamingo!

555-4369!

Hey, you missed a spot!

(braying laugh)

Hey, guys!

Hey, guys! Have a nice time!

Wargh! Get the window! Get the window!

To Fort Lauderdale.

(nerds) To Fort Lauderdale.

Look at the size of those coconuts.

- (Lewis) Gee, those are big ones.

- Wow. I've never seen anything like it.

You know, guys, I see no reason

why you all have to check in.

I mean, I'll do it if you guys

wanna hit the beach kinda early.

(Booger) Wait up!

(# "ltsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie

Yellow Polkadot Bikini" by Devo)

(Booger sighs)

(Booger) Boys, our ship has come in.

- May I help you, sir?

- Yeah, I'm here for the fraternity council.

- Ooh!

- Whoa!

- Are you OK, sir?

- I'm fine. Is my hair OK?

- Yeah. Um...

- Ooh!

Stewart!

- What's your problem?

- Lots of problems.

Starting with a painful childbirth, leading up

to this embarrassing, awkward moment now.

- Com...?

- Comstock. Jeffrey and Helen.

- C-o-m...

- S-t-o-c-k. Yes. That's fine.

Sir, excuse me. I just wanted to say that

that accident wasn't his fault. It was mine.

So I hope nobody was hurt.

Or will be.

Ow.

And that's how we won the Greek Council.

I play the violin.

Can I get you a drink or something?

Don't go away.

- Hey, Poindexter, she got a sister?

- I don't know.

- She's kinda shy.

- Yeah. I'm gonna buy her a drink.

Jesus.

Anybody know how to say

"Bite my crank" in Spanish?

"Muerde mi manubrio. Por favor."

I'm a polyglot.

I gotta buy this girl a drink.

But, Poin...

It was really cool of you

to take the blame for me.

I thought this was gonna be another in the

never-ending series of poundings in my life.

- Really?

- Yeah. People pound me all the time.

- I guess I'm a little screwup.

- That's not necessarily true.

If you believe in yourself,

you can be a big screwup.

(braying laugh)

What I meant to say was if you believe in

yourself, you can be a giant. Lewis Skolnick.

- Stewart Lipsey.

- How you doin'?

- Hi.

- I'll see you around.

- Sure.

- OK.

Two rum and Cokes, please.

Welcome to the Royal Flamingo.

May I help you, sir?

- Sir?

- Yeah? Yes!

Um, sorry. Lewis Skolnick,

of the Lambda Lambda Lambda delegation

from Adams College. We have a girlfriend.

Uh, I mean, a reservation.

Oh, no. This computer hates me.

Let me get someone who can help you, OK?

Uh, you know, I know a thing

or two about computers myself.

Um, maybe I could help you out.

Oh. Well...

I type in your name,

press "Search" and... nothing.

I spotted your problem. It's stroke technique.

- Excuse me?

- Stroke technique.

See, you have to arch your fingers.

Try that.

- Like this?

- Uh-huh.

- It worked!

- Yeah. See. Look. "Lewis Skolnick. 10..."

"Cancelled"? That can't be right.

I'm sorry, but your rooms

have been given to someone else.

We're the Tri-Lambs from Adams College.

It's really important that we stay here. I mean,

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