Roald Dahl's Esio Trot Page #4

- The charity must mean a lot to you.

- Er... Oh, yes. Absolutely.

Very close to my heart.

Oh, really?

My grandfather was in a wheelchair.

Thank you so much. Training guide

dogs is such an important cause.

He'd had a terrible fall.

Being blind.

I'll just go get the money.

The price of love.

Chi-Chi-Chi

Di-di, di-di-di...

OK, Alfie.

You're about to go for the ride

of your life.

Well, well. We meet at last.

Both in love with the same girl.

Yes, we are.

You want to know something,

young man?

If I could have been anyone

in the history of the world,

I wouldn't have been Julius Caesar

or Leonardo Da Vinci,

not even the great

Louis "Satchmo" Armstrong. No.

You know what I would have been?

I would have been you.

Cos you're a lucky guy.

OK, this is it.

I hope you're not shy, Alfie.

If you are, this is going to be

a traumatic point. See?

It's just like the first day

of school.

Over there's the tough gang.

Probably smoking.

And right over there,

the jocks going for gold.

Never opened a book in their lives.

And here's the ones whose parents

should really be worried.

Don't look.

Good luck, Alfie.

Life part two starts here.

Here you go.

Here you go.

Make some friends.

As for you, Alfie 2,

give my love to the most delightful,

exotic woman in the world.

Hm-hm.

'Hello, my darling!

Where's my lovely boy? Have

you missed me?'

Oh...

Oh, my goodness!

That's very strange!

- Everything all right, Mrs Silver?

- No...

Something very odd has happened.

- Very odd?

- Yes.

This isn't my Alfie.

Not your Alfie?

Not at all.

- Are you sure?

- Well, of course I'm sure!

Oh, OK. OK...

Oh, God! Er...

Mrs Silver, I... I...

I have a huge conf...

Usually his morning feed lasts him

all day, but I've come back and...

And it's all gone.

He's eaten the lot.

Well, that's not like

my Alfie at all!

Oh...

- Oh, my gorgeous goodness!

- Hm.

- It's working!

- Mm.

- Your spell's doubled his appetite!

- Mm-hm.

Mr Hoppy! Oh! This is very,

very exciting!

Isn't it ever!

Oh!

Alfie!

She didn't notice a thing.

I'm quite a happy Hoppy!

I'm..quite... a... happy... Hoppy!

Yes, I am!

Happy Hoppy! Yes, yes, yes!

Alfie! We did it!

Spot of tea? Come on!

Mr Hoppy's secret plan

was a cunning one. See,

If a creature grows slowly enough,

you'll never notice it grows at all.

Be a very different story

if it happened all at once.

Let's say you had a small puppy.

You drop it off at school

in the morning

and pat its little head goodbye.

- Bye.

- Bye-bye.

Then you come back

in the afternoon...

- Argh! Mummy!

- Down boy! Sit!

Not nice. But do it gradually

and you get away with growing.

- Dad, you're late!

- I'm sorry,

Roberta. I caught the wrong bus.

I was telling them about Mr Hoppy.

I got carried away.

Where have you got to?

Have you got to the death scene yet?

Sorry!

So, Mr Hoppy had completed

his first tortoise swap.

Now all he had to do was keep

swapping every couple of days

until Alfie doubled in size,

whilst living with 100 tortoises.

Hello, Dolly

This is Louis, Dolly

It's so nice to have you

back where you belong

You're lookin' swell, Dolly

I can tell, Dolly

You're still glowin'

You're still crowin'

You're still goin' strong

I feel the room swayin'

While the band's playin'

One of our old favourite

songs from way back when

So

Take her wrap, fellas

Find her an empty lap, fellas

Dolly, you'll never

go away again...

I should have done this weeks ago.

Bernard, Harvey, Bob...

Hello there, Prince Philip.

Spartacus...

No, you're Spartacus.

No...

Ah! You're Spartacus.

You are my Satchmo.

Tup no taf, Esio Trot. Tup no taf.

Hello, Dolly. How'd you get in here?

It's all guys.

If I were you,

I'd keep your head in your shell.

Elbbog doof.

Toohs pu, gnirps pu, wolb pu...

Voldemort! Is that you?

What are you doing in there?

I feel the room swayin'...

Freddie! What are you doing

on your back again?

Come here.

Come on. Stay away from the poop.

Be a good boy.

Golly gee, fellas

Have a little faith in me, fellas

Dolly, never go away...

OK, OK. Good luck, Alfie 9.

Dolly'll never go away again.

Hello, my darling.

I don't know who holds

the land speed record,

but my bus driver's certainly

just broken it.

The death scene.

- I so thought he was dead!

- I know. - The first time I heard it.

I know.

Alfie!

Alfie?

Alfie?

Alfie?

Mummy, Mummy!

A tortoise just fell out of the sky!

Yah! I hear so many things!

So many things...

Alfie?

Oh! Mr Hoppy...

Mr Hoppy?

Yes.

- I'm here. - I don't know what's

happened, but... Alfie's gone.

Gone?

I think he's jumped.

Oh, my darling!

Oh, he's always had

very powerful legs!

I think he's just bounced

himself over the edge!

- Oh!

- Oh! I can't bear to look!

Don't! Please, don't!

Maybe he's gone back into the flat.

I don't... Well...

- Yeah, I'll check that first.

- OK. - Alfie!

OK, OK, OK...

Put Alfie 8 back on the balcony

and then go get Alfie 9.

What's left of him.

I know. I know...

Oh!

Better luck for you, Alfie 8.

There you go.

Oh!

Oh, Alfie!

I've looked everywhere!

I... Oh!

Alfie!

There you are!

Oh, my holy aunt! You frightened

the living daylights out of me.

Oh! Oh!

Oh, dab, dab Esio Trot.

Oh!

Oh, it's all right, Mr Hoppy.

I've found him.

All's well.

Thank the living Lord!

Evening, Hoppy.

Oh, good evening, Mr Pringle.

And... what a...

- ...relaxing evening it is.

- Yes, indeed.

- Are you cooking anything special?

- No, I don't think so.

Just something out of the fridge...

Frozen chicken pie...

Sounds good to me. Love a pie.

Love chicken.

LOVE chicken pie!

- Oh.

- You haven't forgotten?

- Forgotten?

- Did I hear someone mention chicken pie?

You certainly did, Mrs Silver.

We're having chicken pie,

round at Hoppy's tonight.

Join us.

- Oh! Oh, no. I couldn't possibly.

- Course you can!

- You don't mind, do you, Hoppy?

- Mind, wha... - Excellent!

My motto - two's company,

three's a party!

- Are you sure, Mr Hoppy? - No...

Yes. Oh, no problem.

It'll be wonderful to have

you come around, Mrs Silver.

Oh! Oh!

Oh!

Oh, no.

No! Guys! Guys, I need your help!

Nngg!

Oh.

- You look gorgeous, Mrs Silver.

- Oh, thank you, Mr Pringle.

- Lawrence, please.

- Lavinia.

Come on, Hoppy!

Oh, look...

Come in!

Come on in.

- Oh, thank you.

- You're welcome.

Oh! What a lovely big room!

- Oh, I love that look you've gone for.

- Mm.

- What's it called?

- Erm... - Prison cell.

- No, minimalist. Yes, that's it. Oh!

It's very stylish! - Thank you.

Can I get you a drink? Er...

I have wine and...

- Well, wine.

- A glass of white wine would be perfect.

- Er... I... - Although, red's my real

favourite. I love lovely red.

So glamorous.

Thank you.

I'm a little short on glasses today.

- Mrs Silver...

- Thank you.

And Mr Pringle. I'll have...

...this.

Well... Serve yourselves.

Er...

I have to just get back

to the, er...

- Get back to...

- Chin-chin!

...cooking. Excuse me.

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