Roxanne

Dixie, it's me.

Hi, how are you doing, girl?

Yeah, I'm on my way.

I'll be there in about five minutes.

I'm bringing it.

I've only had it a year and a half.

I told you I'd return it. Okay.

So long, talk to you later.

All right, all right. Bye.

I'm walkin', yes, indeed

And I'm talkin' about you and me

Yeah, I'm hopin'

Oh, yeah

Now I'm forming

Words with my tongue

Now I'm stumbling

But I'm okay now

Now I'm walkin' down the steps

Because it's easier

Than walkin' up the steps, hey

Didn't slide

Oh, that's a tough break for me

Oh, yeah

Now I'm having a small heart attack

But I'm recovering, hey, yeah

Now I'm seeing

Two coked-up hopheads

Comin' at me

Could be trouble...

Hey, off the sidewalk.

Other side of the street, scum.

Now, come on.

It's a cop.

Wait a minute.

If he's a cop, where's his gun?

He's the fireman.

Cut a wide swath, p*ssy.

All right, all right.

Thank you, ass wipe.

Christ, that's the biggest no...

Don't say it.

Quite a hood ornament

you got there, pal.

Oh, here it comes.

I really admire your shoes.

- What?

- I love your shoes.

What do you mean?

And I was just thinking that as much

as I really admire your shoes...

...and as much as I'd love

to have a pair just like them...

...I really wouldn't wanna be

in your shoes...

...at this particular time and place.

I don't really know karate.

I didn't think so.

Oh, damn. Get up.

- Son of a...

- Get pissed, Rich.

- I am pissed.

- Okay.

Oh, 15-love.

Help, my nose.

Okay, come on, come on.

Come on.

Okay, you want trouble,

you're gonna get trouble.

Oh, blood.

Fault.

Okay, that's the way

you wanna play?

You broke my nose.

All right.

Had enough yet?

Thirty-love.

Surprise.

Forty-love.

Are we having fun yet?

Service.

Game.

Let's play again sometime.

Grover.

Grover.

Grover.

Dixie.

Dixie.

Dixie?

Dixie.

Dixie.

Dix. Where the hell is she?

Oh, hi.

Here's your racket.

Thanks.

What's this stuff on it? Vitalis?

Oh, no, it's blood.

Where's my tea?

Berni.

You wanna tell me about it?

You're too young.

Come here, Grover.

Come here, Grover.

Grover.

Grover, come here.

Sh*t.

Damn it.

There'd better be a window open,

Grover.

I'm gonna have you neutered.

Oh, God.

Don't go anywhere.

I'll go around to the front of the house.

Oh, my God.

Oh, no.

God.

Oh, brother, I can't believe it.

More, more, more.

Yeah.

More, more. Thank you, thank you.

Goddamn it,

we're supposed to put them out!

Guys, guys.

Oh, what now?

- Oh, no.

- What's going on?

I have a dream.

It's not a big dream,

it's just a little dream.

My dream... And I hope

you don't find this too crazy.

- Is that I would like the people

of this community...

...to feel that if, God forbid,

there were a fire...

...calling the fire department

would actually be a wise thing to do.

You can't have people, as their houses

are burning down, say:

"Whatever you do,

don't call the fire department."

That would be bad.

Please, get it cleaned up.

Don't make me have to explain it.

- No problem, chief.

- We'll do it.

Hello.

Hello?

I'm locked out of my house.

I can get you back in.

Come on inside, I'll get some tools.

I don't have any clothes on.

You want a coat or anything?

No, I really like to stand naked

in this bush in the freezing cold.

I'll get the tools.

Thanks.

Hi, chief. What is it?

Somebody

locked out of their house.

- Need any help, chief?

- Looks pretty boring.

- I'll take care of it.

- Okay, bye.

- Ralston.

- We're in trouble.

Nobody had a coat?

You said you didn't want a coat.

Why would I not want a coat?

- You said you didn't want a coat.

- I was being ironic.

Oh, irony.

Oh, no, no, we don't get that here.

See, people ski topless here

while smoking dope...

...so irony

is not really a high priority.

We haven't had any irony here

since about '83...

...when I was the only practitioner

of it.

I stopped, because I was tired

of being stared at.

Oh, brother.

You shouldn't leave your lights on

when you're locked out.

You waste a lot of electricity.

You can hide in that bush over there,

and I won't see your nakedness.

I noticed you don't have any tattoos.

I think that's a wise choice.

I don't think Jackie Onassis

would have gone as far...

...if she'd had an anchor on her arm.

Well, every job has a perfect tool.

Let's see.

This lock doesn't accept MasterCard.

I'm gonna have to try the old reliable.

And when I say... old reliable,

I'm lying...

...because I've never tried

this before.

- You may not wanna watch this.

- Okay.

Careful.

God, I hate heights.

What are you doing up there?

I'm freezing.

For God's sake, put something on.

Thanks.

Hello?

There you go.

I'm averting my eyes, finally.

Oh, look what you got me into,

Grover. Thanks.

Do you wanna come in...?

I sort of already did.

I figured you must be starving...

...so I made us some cheese

and some vegetables au naturel.

Maybe you'd like some wine

with your nose.

Cheese.

Wine will be fine.

Do you have a straw?

No, I don't actually. Why?

No particular reason.

Cheers.

Party trick.

Well, a nose by any other name.

Would smell as sweet.

My name is C.D. Bales.

I'm the fire chief.

You can call me Charlie if you want.

My name is Roxanne.

Thanks for helping me before.

I've been in this house.

I know who owns it.

Dixie? I liked her.

She gave me a real good deal

for the summer.

Oh, yeah, nice and cheap, I'll bet.

Oh, it's worth it.

This house has a great spot for that.

I thought you'd never ask.

I didn't.

What is it, a mummy?

It's a telescope. It's beautiful.

- You must know about M31.

- Yeah.

Now, see, I like it when they give

astronomical objects names...

...you know, like Andromeda

and Saturn and Sea of Tranquility.

This whole numbering thing

is just too boring for us civilians.

Do you know how many objects

are up there?

Well, I know it's over 50.

They've done pretty well, considering

how many things they have to name.

How about muon?

Gluon?

Quark?

You know what a quark is?

I used to. I just forgot right now.

Oh, well, we don't know

everything, do we?

Sit down, I'll show you.

Let's see.

Here it is.

No one's actually ever seen a quark,

but we know they exist.

There's at least six different types.

There's up, down, strange,

charmed, bottom and top.

That's their flavor.

The top and bottom quarks

are the most common kinds.

But only an unusually

exotic collision...

...can produce the strange

and charmed quarks.

It's beautiful, don't you think?

Oh, yeah, yeah,

these are astronomical objects, then?

No, subnuclear particles.

I thought so.

So, what are you looking for?

I can't tell you.

Why is that?

I can't, it's a secret.

Oh, I got you.

I got a few secrets myself.

Some pretty important ones too.

Well, actually,

I have one pretty impor...

Well, actually, I have one lousy one.

Well, actually,

I don't have any secrets at all.

It's just so depressing.

Did you say your name

was Roxanne?

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