Rustlers' Rhapsody Page #3

for 50 cents an acre. An acre!

- l can get a steak for a dime.

- That's wondeul.

- Hi, Miss Tracy.

- Hi.

Would you excuse me?

OK.

- You wanted to see me, Miss Tracy?

- Yes.

You know that stranger

in here yesterday?

The one whose trousers

virtually suck to his legs.

Yes, ma'am.

Where's he hanging out?

You know what l mean, hanging out?

Yeah, yeah, he has a campsite

just outside of town.

What's his name?

You know, his handle.

Rex O'Herlihan,

The Singing Cowboy.

- The what?

- The Singing Cowboy.

Well, l want him.

l want to...

Tell the mule what happened.

Go on, tell him.

lt was something.

Really something.

Those guys even had

scope rifles too.

Yeah, it was incredible.

l knew the whole plan,

but who cares about that?

The thing of it was... The thing

was jumping on top of Wildfire

and those guys hitting the brakes.

Help.

On, Wildfire, on!

Help!

Whoa, whoa.

Where am l?

ln a small village,

just north of Oslo, Nomay.

Really?

No.

Actually, you're a few miles

outside of Oaood Estates.

Oh, you were teasing me,

weren't you?

Yep.

Oh, l like that.

Evey time Rex got close to having

some sort of relationship with a girl,

Evey time Rex got close to having

some sort of relationship with a girl,

you could bet something else

would happen.

- Thanks for washing my dress.

- Oh, my pleasure.

l never have problems

with ground-in dirt stains.

Blood and chocolate

are the tough ones.

Do you live around here?

Oh, you work around here, then.

You're on vacation.

No, not really.

- l wanna thank you...

- You know...

- You go.

- No, you.

- No, you.

- Well, what l was gonna say was

it certainly is some horse of yours.

Yes! Oh, he's been dragging me

around since last night.

He's an Arabian.

They have great stamina.

Yeah, l know.

His name is Wildfire.

- What?

- His name is Wildfire.

- Are you kidding me?

- No, l don't think so.

My horse's name is Wildfire!

- No!

- Yes.

- That's amazing.

- That's an incredible coincidence.

Don't you iust love

the name Wildfire?

Yeah, it's the greatest, the best.

Have you got more of that plant?

Oh, yeah, sure,

there's some in the...

What?

What is it?

Oh, don't wory about it.

You're just getting paranoid.

Someone's coming.

- l don't hear anything.

- Trust me, someone's coming.

Hide in those trees down there

just for a little while.

- Why?

- Well, how does it look?

Here you are, a nice girl without

any clothes on, and l'm a good guy.

l'd appreciate it.

All right.

- In the trees?

- Yeah. Just for a couple of minutes.

- What's your name, by the way?

- Rex.

Oh, my gosh.

- What?

- My dog's name is Rex.

Hello, Rex.

Hi.

Remember me?

Yeah, you're Miss Tracy, the town...

Hostess.

Yeah. Right.

Howdy, ma'am.

Howdy.

Most men l know

only have one gun.

Huh?

Oh, sory about that.

l'm kind of busy here.

l have to feed the fire

and keep the horses maintained.

Come on, Rex, can't you

even offer a girl a drink?

OK. One quick drink.

Why not?

l have a bottle of shery

that my mother sent me.

Hasn't been opened since Christmas.

l don't usually drink myself,

you understand.

OK, one little shery...

Well?

Oh, Miss Tracy,

you got the wrong guy, really.

l'm ready, Rex.

Ready for what?

A nice, long conversation.

Oh, no, no, no, you don't understand.

l can't talk like that.

So sing it.

l'd love to, but l...

What is it?

Someone's coming.

- Someone's coming?

- Yeah, out there.

- You'd better hide behind that boulder.

- Why?

Why? You're in your undemear,

and l'm... You know.

- l'm a straight shooter.

- Good.

Oh, please get behind that boulder.

It won't be long.

As a special favor to me.

OK.

But you owe me.

Thank you so much.

l told you to hide.

- l heard a woman's voice.

- What? No, you didn't. That was...

That's iust some old

hoot owl hooting.

Whose cape is this?

Mine. This is iust part of my stuff.

lt's cold out here, don't you think?

- Rex, are you OK?

- l'm fine, fine, just fine.

Go hide in the trees.

l'll call you when it's safe.

OK.

Oh, what a night!

Hi. Remember me?

- Sure, you're the town drunk.

- Yeah.

- How do you like my new outfit?

- It's nice, vey nice.

- So is yours.

- Thank you.

- Mine's a sidekick outfit.

- l know.

And you don't have a sidekick,

am l right?

That's right.

Well...

What about me?

Now, look...

- Peter.

- Look, Peter,

l don't have a sidekick.

l ride alone. That's my style.

You could use a sidekick,

couldn't you?

No, sory, but even my theme song

says l ride alone.

l ride alone

Change it.

- It took me four years to get that right.

- It did?

There's no sidekick opening.

So if you'll excuse me, l have to...

Mr. O'Herlihan, now, look,

l could provide comedy relief.

What's gonna happen to me

in Oaood Estates?

l'm iust the town drunk.

l want more than that.

l wanna see the world.

- l wanna see other towns at least.

- They're all the same.

But you don't know that for sure.

l do, Peter.

l know lots of things. One thing l know

for sure is l can't have a sidekick,

even if l wanted one.

You see,

l know what happens.

l know the future.

What?

Look, please go.

OK.

OK.

OK.

l made a fool out of myself again.

l ought to iust go back to the gutter

where l belong.

- What are you doing?

- Getting out of this outfit.

My drunk suit's here in the bag.

Can l have my drink, please?

- Who was that?

- Somebody who wants a drink.

The range is full of them.

l dropped the blanket in the dark.

That's OK. l'll find it tomorrow.

You gave her a blanket?

l had to nearly rape you

for a lousy shery.

He rides alone? You're the most

un-alone guy l ever met.

Look, l can explain all of this.

Oh, no.

- Now what?

- The sheepherders.

The sheepherders!

Oh, Rex, they can't see me here.

l'm the cattle baron's daughter.

You are?

Mr. Rex.

Over here!

Over here!

- Hello.

- Hello.

- Hello.

- Hello.

We're informal tonight.

l wasn't expecting you till tomorrow.

- You knew we were coming?

- He knows the future.

Why don't you come on in.

Just grab a seat anmhere.

- Thank you.

- Anmhere you like.

Fine, fine. Good, good.

- Mr. Rex, we need your help.

- l know.

You do?

Yesterday, in the bar,

they shot my son.

l'm sory, l didn't know

he was your son.

Oh, please, Mr. Rex,

you must help us!

- You are our only hope!

- l understand.

- Without you, we are doomed!

- l know.

- Doomed, l tell you! Doomed!

- OK, he gets it. OK?

- What the hell's wrong with you?

- Oh, sir.

- Me?

- Yes. Don't wory. l'm gonna help you.

Someone like me always helped you,

is helping you and always will help you.

- What?

- Excuse me, what is this?

lt's iust a root.

From now on,

l'm the town root junkie.

- Sir.

- What?

The cattlemen have ioined forces

with the railroad guys.

lf you scream one more time,

l'll tear your heart out.

Sir, l cannot defeat the cattlemen

and the railroad guys by myself.

l'll need the help

of sheepherders.

Oh, no, Mr. Rex, we don't fight.

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