Santa's Slay Page #4

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Caulk?

That's not Captain Caulk.

Oh sh*t!

We gotta get out of here now! | Floor it!

Okay, under the seat! | Get my father's gun!

He's gone!

Oh my God!

- Bullets! There's no bullets! | - Where is he? Where is he?

- What the hell are you doing?! | - Trying to make it harder.

Yeah? For him or me?

- Now what? | - Here.

- Unlock the barrel. | - Huh?

Just break it open!

Put the shell | into the breech.

Put the bullet in the hole!

- "Top Gun"! | - What?

Slam on the breaks | and let him fly right by.

Now step on it!

Damn it!

Here, hold this.

Let's go!

Come on, hurry up.

Grandpa! Grandpa!

Mr. Yuleson! Mr. Yuleson!

Grandpa! | Basement, he's in the basement.

The Day of Slayings. | You were right, Grandpa.

- I'm so sorry I doubted you. | - Were the two of you followed here?

Kids, did Santa Claus | follow you here?

He tried to pull us over

and-and Nicholas shot him!

You shot Santa?!

- What is this place? | - How much time to we have, Grandpa?

Uh, it'll be midnight at the Pole

in three hours and eight minutes.

If Santa followed you here, | we're all in great danger.

I've built this as a shelter, | not a fortress.

What are those people | doing here?

- Who carols? | - Especially during the day.

- I'm gonna go warn them. | - Mary, wait. Nicky...

I'll go get her.

Silent night

- All is calm... | - Go home! Get out of here!

- All is... | - Run away! Santa's on the loose!

Excuse me.

Downstairs!

Come on, we have | to get out of here now!

We're trapped in a closet | on Christmas

with Santa trying to murder us. | How f***ed up is that?

- What are we gonna do? | - Mary, be a dear

and fetch me that can | of Tinactin there.

Oh, genius, we'll use some | Tough Actir Tinactin on Santa.

What are the chances of calming | Claus down when we

- cure him of his athlete's foot? | - Mary, please.

Okay, you're crazy again.

- Here. | - What do these do?

These are gonna do us | a lot of good in here.

Besides, how are we even | gonna get to the garage?

Have faith, Nicky, | and follow me.

Nicholas, I'm scared.

I know. You're doing | a good job of faking it.

We only have to make it | in another 2.5 more hours.

- Then we should be okay. | - I'm still scared.

Voil.

We'll head towards the Hell's Bells | and alert everybody we can find.

Now, fire up these bad babies

and let's get out of here.

You've really let yourself go, | haven't ya?

What are you packing around there? | An extra two bills I bet.

Mrs. Claus, | she's one hell of a cook.

Not much of a hairdresser, though.

Oh, I've waited a long time | for this day.

Not half as long as I have.

Unfortunately, | your time is about to expire.

So you're done spreading joy

and warming the hearts | of children everywhere?

I hate children! | For centuries,

I've received | millions of their letters,

and now I'm free to hunt down

every last one of those brats.

Such a long time | and nothing learned.

Enough! | There's only one thing

that can make this | Dag of Mort complete.

- Nicky, go! | - I won't leave you. Get on!

Grandpa!

No!

Aww, grandpa got run over | by a reindeer.

Get on!

Christmas time, | Christmas time

- Up there, up there! | - Christmas time, Christmas time

Ho ho ho!

When I was a young boy

Santa was nice to me

The streets of the town were paved | with presents on me

- You got to get out of the open. | - Really?

The woods! | Head for the woods.

Chopping down | all our trees

I wonder whatever happened

To Christmas time for me

Aaah!

Yeah, we got to get | out of the woods.

You think?

Aah!

Hold on!

Christmas time, | Christmas time

Christmas time, | Christmas time

Christmas time, | Christmas time

Next time, | I'm driving!

Next time?

Pull!

Oh my God!

- Look out! | - Look out!

Both:
| Sorry!

- Run away! Santa's on his way! | - What the...

- Santa's coming. Get out of here! | - Run for your life!

- Look out! | - Run for your life!

- Save yourself! | - Damn kids!

Minister!

Sorry, okay, | here we go.

Ready and one | and two and three and...

What the hell?

- No! | - Look out, Harry!

Move, you skanks!

Holy sh*t!

Nicholas, | get off the sidewalk!

Okay!

Sweet Jesus!

I see you've met | my hell deer.

What in God's name | are you doing?

Why, I'm just trying to spread | a little Yuletide fear.

What do we do now?

We make ourselves scarce | and we hope and we pray

that the "12 Days | of Christmas" song is bullshit.

We got to go now!

Oh.

Think you better find | something else there, Superman.

Great, he'll never find us now.

Okay, shut your hole | and help me through this window.

All right... you're going to need | to suck it in.

You're going to need | to push from the top.

I swear to God, Nicholas! | Am I going to have to make

every first move | in this relationship?

- How much time do we have? | - The clock's in my backpack.

- What's this? | - It's a nutcracker.

- You think? | - Don't pull that!

My grandpa must have | slipped it in there.

It was the last thing | he was working on.

Look, there's | a tag on it.

A Christmas present?

He loved you a lot.

58 minutes, | that's it.

So what's the plan? | Just hide out and wait

for Christmas to pass? | He'll be here soon.

He's just going to keep killing. | We have to try and stop him.

I don't think | he's unstoppable.

You saw what happened | on the truck, when I shot him?

We have two choices... | defense or offense.

We can be defensive | and try to distract him

until midnight | when he's powerless,

or we can go on the offense | and lead him back

towards those skeet shooters | and finally put an end to Christmas.

Let's take a swing.

Let's get out of here. | This time we use the door.

- Sh*t, it's out again. | - Well keep hitting it.

It's cashed.

You call this a practical gift?

A practical gift would be batteries.

Yeah, that's really helpful | right now, Mac.

- That was you, right? | - Mm-mmm.

Who's your daddy?

Father Christmas.

Come on let's go!

- Where to?! | - Anywhere!

Forget about earlier. Let's go with | the defensive chicken plan.

- Maybe we should split up! | - How cliche of you!

Oh hell no!

Let's just hide.

Sssh.

Not a creature is stirring?

Christmas can sure scare | the Dickens out of people.

Oh. Oh.

Goddamn it, | that really hurt!

Quit using the Lord's name | in vain, A-hole.

You sound | just like my grandpa,

except for | the A-hole part.

- Whoa! | - Aaaah!

You okay, Nicholas?

My head hurts.

Oh, come over here, | you baby man.

I still can't believe that we're being | hunted by Santa of all f-ing people.

We're going to get through this.

We'll be home safe soon.

I just realized | that I have no one.

I'm so sorry, Nicholas.

You have me.

Besides, I know your grandfather | will always be looking after you.

But whatever happens, | I'm glad that I'm with you.

I just love how the holidays

always seem to bring people | closer together.

I'm Santa Claus! | Not f***ing Dracula!

Again, | the foolish archangel,

Hellsgate Yuleson.

The only angel to give up | his immortality for an earthly woman.

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