Say It Isn't So Page #5

Sorry, Walter! Oh, man, that musta hurt!

You all right?

I'm gonna kick your ass.

What's that, Walter?

You say you wanna lick my ass?

Everything's cool, Jack.

We got it under control.

Too bad you got that neck brace on.

You could be movin'.

I'm gonna get ya.

Bring him to the guest room, Jimmy.

Right up the stairs.

Gracias.

- Uh, hi.

- What's up, buckaroo?

- I have an appointment with Jo Wingfield.

- Jo's not here.

OK. Do you think that

you could give her a note for me?

- I guess so.

- Good.

Can I borrow a pen?

- Thanks.

- You're welcome.

Hey. Hey!

You!

You are the sick man!

- Prevert! Prevert!

- No. Wait a minute. No, I...

I'm going to dial 9-11! 9-11!

I'm calling!

Oh, man.

All units, subject last seen

behind Beaver Cuts.

- You diggin' my system now, ain't ya?

- Hey, Dig.

What? Stand down, Frito Bandito.

Can't you see I'm playin' keno?

- Dig, it's me, Gilly.

- I don't know no goddamn Gilly.

El Paso.

El Paso! Sit on down. You look like

you're all grown up, boy.

This is a disguise, Dig.

Apparently there are people

in this town that don't like me.

I need your help. I gotta find my truck.

Ooh, truck.

- Yeah, trouble.

- What's the problem?

Well, you see, Jack Mitchelson, right?

He had a charity event last night.

A dollar a pop to take a whack at the truck

with a sledgehammer. Sh*t, a good time.

- People paid to beat the hell outta my truck?

- Set me back ten bucks.

I think I threw out my shoulder

with your quarter panels.

Whacked it once, and again, then it broke.

That son of a b*tch! I cannot believe

Jo is gonna marry that Mitchelson creep!

Mitchelson?

- She's marryin' Jack Mitchelson?

- Yes, in two days, Dig.

I gotta find a way to stop it

and I need your help.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Slow down, Speedy Gonzales!

You can count Dig outta any plans to jack up

the jig for Jack. He's a good man. Am I right?

- Good friend of mine.

- Yeah, he's the best.

Folks like him round here.

Look. Why don't you just

leave well enough alone, OK?

Let her marry Jack.

Bein' with him is like winnin'

the husband Super Lotto.

Listen. If you really love this girl

as much as you say you do,

just tell her goodbye and good luck.

But I don't know if I can live without her.

- Hello?

- Jo!

- Hey, Zahf. How's it goin' at...

- It was the prevert, Jo!

- What?

- He was here, at the shop!

- When?

- He was dressed like cowboy.

Oh, my God.

Damn bees! Ugh!

Shoo.

- Morning, Mama. Morning, Daddy.

- Morning, Jo.

- Where are you headed off to?

- I just got somethin' I have to do.

Wait, wait. I'll go with you.

- No, it's something I have to do on my own.

- I could go with you, keep you company.

- It's just errands. It'll be boring.

- Not to me, sweetheart.

See you later.

Help!

- Walter!

- Bees!

Oh, my God! Stay absolutely still.

Ouch!

I gotta go get my camera.

God, this is too great for words!

Thanks for pickin' me up.

I've been walkin' for ever.

- Jo!

- Gilly, I've been lookin' all over for you.

Mama told me how you've been tellin'

everyone about your imaginary friend, Leon.

- That's what she said?

- You gotta accept the truth.

We can't be together, ever.

I'm glad that you said that because, um...

If you really love this girl

as much as you say you do,

just tell her goodbye and good luck.

You're right.

Then what are you doin' here in Beaver?

I just wanted to...

I just wanted to say goodbye...

and... good luck.

I want you to have a good life, Jo. I really do.

And I promise, after today

I'll never bother you again.

Don't make it sound so sad, Gilly.

We'll still see each other at...

family funerals and stuff.

Goodbye, Jo.

I love you.

I love you too.

Hey!

- Dig! What the...

- Settle down, El Paso.

Here you go, Benjy.

Now remember, you promised

not to smoke those till you're 12.

All right. Right on.

- You wanna tell me what's goin' on?

- He's an evil dude. He is one evil dude.

Who is?

- Mitchelson!

- Jack?

He's the snarliest cat

this town has ever seen, baby.

- But you said he...

- That was just show business.

You gotta toe the line for John Q Public.

This town's got elephant ears, baby.

Damn cryin' shame.

You can't trust anybody any more.

Come on, El Paso. Slide over to my place.

El Paso, you got your work

cut out for you, baby.

Jack Mitchelson got millions from his daddy.

He's what we call a multimillionaire.

And, in my experience, women like dead

presidents more than broke boyfriends.

No romance without finance, daddy.

Hey, Jo's not like that.

Sh*t.

Love may be blind, but it can

still smell that money, baby.

Not to mention... there's

a lotta cash in sellin' grass.

- What does that mean?

- Hey, Sherlock.

Jack Mitchelson is the biggest marijuana

grower in the Pacific Northwest.

You are not seein' the forest

for the weed here, man.

This dude's a pot grower,

a reefer salesman, a doobie doctor.

That's why Jack keeps Beaver squeaky-clean:

to keep Johnny Law from sniffin' around.

- How does he get away with it?

- Half the town's on the payroll.

The rest... scared to death of that wombat.

Man! We've gotta figure out

a way to get Jo outta there.

Amen to that.

What we need, my friend, is a plan.

I'm gonna sit on down here

and study on that for a minute.

- Aw! That's a nice doggy.

- Hell of a watchdog. Nothin' gets by him.

Hello, ladies.

Do you wanna dance?

- Be gentle with him, boys.

- Come on, sweetcheeks.

Wait a minute.

Look, if you're tryin' to scare me,

you've done a terrific job, OK?

Fellas, this is uncalled-for! Come on!

Look, this is unfair.

All's I want is ten minutes with Jo.

Hey, who doesn't?

Come on, Jimmy. Let's get down to business.

That's what you get, you dirty

little pervert! Right on the head!

- How come you hit Streak?

- What?

Maybe you oughta be wearin' your glasses.

Yeah, but they make me look stupid.

Pervert on the run! Go get him, Freddy!

Keep away from me!

You can't stop me from seein' Jo.

I'm gonna marry her, you'll see!

You're sick, man!

- He wants to marry his sister.

- He'd better not come back!

Yeah, that's right, or we'll tie you to a tree,

f*** you in the ass while we jerk you off!

Show you what we really do

to perverts around here!

- You sicko!

- Keep runnin', boy!

Oh, man!

Hey, Dig!

- Hey, Dig!

- El Paso! Up here!

- Dig, what are you doin' up there?

- What do you mean, what am I doin' up here?

You ever try jumpin' off a roof

with no legs? It stings!

- What do you wanna do about this?

- Don't worry. I got a leg for all seasons.

"Jo. I'm not...

your brother".

"Marry me".

Dig, this is great. Thank you so much.

Finally I'm gonna be able

to set the record straight.

- You sure there are two r's in "marry"?

- Yeah, there's definitely two r's.

Good enough.

Listen, Dig. Are you sure

you can fly with that thing?

I'm Dig McCaffrey, boy!

I could fly a can of Spam like this!

- How'd you lose those legs, anyway?

- Plane crash.

Come on, let's light this firecracker.

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