Scared Stiff

Hey!

Oh, hey! Hello, honey.

- Am I going to see you later?

- You certainly are.

Wait. You can't go out there like that.

- Pierre?

- Yes?

The Big Boy wants to see you.

- But...

- Now.

- I'll get my hat and coat.

- You won't need them.

Come on, get in here quick.

- Boy, it's sure raining cats and dogs.

- Oh, it sure is, Pop.

There you are, Pop.

Find a home for them.

- Brother and sister.

- Brother and sister?

Yeah.

- Hello, honey.

- Hi, Rosie.

Crazy.

Oh, Larry, I'm just an average girl.

Honey, if you're an average girl,

I've been going out with boys.

Oh, Larry.

- Am I going to see you later?

- You certainly are.

I know a wonderful place

for just the two of us.

Yeah, where?

In a telephone booth.

Remind me to bring along

plenty of dimes, huh?

You're on, Mr. Todd.

So here he is, ladies and gentlemen,

that clown prince of song,

the one and only Larry Todd.

I don't care if the sun don't shine

I get my loving in the evening time

When I'm

with my baby

Well, it's no fun with the sun around

But I get going when the sun goes down

And I

meet my baby

That's when we kiss and kiss and kiss

And then we kiss some more

Who cares how many times we kiss?

Well, at a time like this

who keeps score?

Well, I don't care if the sun don't shine

I get my loving in the evening time

When I'm with my baby

I don't care if the sun don't shine

I get my loving in the evening time

When I'm

- I'm living it up

...with my baby

Well, it's no fun with the sun around

But I get going when the sun goes down

And I

I want you to meet

Meet my baby

That's when we kiss and kiss and kiss

Then we kiss some more

Who cares how many times we kiss?

Well, at a time like this

who keeps score?

I don't care if the sun don't shine

I get my loving in the evening time

- When I'm with my baby

- I'm with my baby

Pretty baby of mine

Where is Pierre?

All of his tables are full,

and there is no Pierre to wait on them.

Please don't get excited.

Pierre has been here,

then Pierre disappeared.

- But I arrange everything.

- How?

I sent Myron

to take care of Pierre's tables.

- Myron? Myron the busboy?

- Yes.

- You put a busboy on Pierre's tables?

- Yes.

Where is he?

He just went out

with an order of spaghetti.

Oh, no.

In my estimation

I had to call

'cause you've got so much on the ball

You hit the spot

Like the first embrace

when the knot is tied

Well, you hit the spot

Like a pipe and slippers by a fireside

Matter of factly, don't know exactly

what it is that you've got

But you hit the spot

You hit the spot

Like a balmy breeze on a night in May

You hit the spot

Like a cool mint julep on a summery day

You hit a new high

In my estimation

I had to fall

You, busboy!

I'm sorry, sir, but you know I'm nervous.

I could have spilled everything all...

Oh, shut up.

I'll get something to clean it up

right away, and don't you do a thing.

Oh, there you are. He's gonna get

something to clean you up right away.

I'm awfully sorry, sir, but I'm nervous,

and the man yelled

when I served the spaghetti.

- I'm not too well, anyhow.

- Hey!

Hey, hey! I'm not bothering you, am I?

Oh, no, sir. I'm just trying

to get this straightened out.

You don't mind if I finish my number,

do you?

- Oh, is the show on?

- No. I'm waiting for a bus.

Well, you're in the wrong place, buddy.

It's about three blocks down...

Oh, get out of here.

Let me finish my number.

You know what? I'll get that, lady.

- Oh, get out of here.

- Lady, the show is on, lady. I'll get this.

Just hold still.

You idiot!

- Who do you think you're pushing?

- Get away from me!

- I'm going to get the manager!

- I want the manager!

- I want the manager!

- Oh, yeah? The show is on air!

I was bringing the spaghetti,

and I fell down, that's all.

Hello.

It seems you like to get laughs

around here.

- Oh, no, this wasn't... Laughs?

- Yeah.

Oh, sure.

Well, how would you like to get

a few laughs with me on the floor?

- What would I do there?

- I'll show you.

- What about this?

- I'll clean you up later.

- Now, you ready?

- Yeah, what do we do?

Well, we'll do a very dramatic scene

where you play the debonair, suave...

- Oh, I'm a debonair slob.

- No, suave, S-L-O-B. Suave.

Now what we need is a girl. Rosie?

Myron, this is Rosie. Rosie, Myron.

All right, easy, easy.

Down, boy.

Hey, you want me to walk you around

for an hour?

No, I'll be all right.

All right. Now you take her in your arms

and you kiss her.

- How do you feel about that?

- Oh, I like it. I like it.

I thought so. I knew you would.

No, wait. No, wait for the cue!

When I say "ready," then you kiss her.

Wait for the cue.

All right, now you get set now. When

I say... Easy, not yet. When I tell you!

I'm anxious. I'm all excited.

Okay, now I'm the husband,

you're the lover and this is my wife.

I come home unexpectedly,

and I find you kissing her, all right?

Not yet. Wait till I say "go." All right?

Go!

My best friend kissing my best wife...

My wife.

Well, no...

- Save him! Oh, save him!

- Wait, wait, wait!

Wait!

- What's the matter?

- This is a good part you gave me.

- You don't like it?

- No, I don't like it.

- What part would you like?

- Your part.

- Oh, you want to be the husband?

- Yeah.

- All right, I'll be the lover.

- Right.

All right, now we'll pick up

right where we left off.

No, you've already hit me.

I'm down here. See?

- Did I hurt you?

- No.

- No.

- I get up and I say,

- boy, you got a lot of nerve.

- No!

- Oh, no!

- Wait, wait, wait!

- All right.

- Wait!

- What in the...

- I don't like that part, either.

Well, there's only one part left,

and that's Rosie's.

- I'll take it.

- All right, you be Rosie,

Rosie will be Myron,

and I'll be the husband.

And we'll pick up right where we left off.

See? I get up and I say,

Myron, we shouldn't fight like this.

We've been friends too long.

- You're right, Larry.

- And besides, it's all her fault.

No, no, no, wait!

Wait, wait, wait!

Come on, Myron.

- He's just a troublemaker, anyhow.

- You're right, Larry.

I don't know what I'm going

to do with you, Myron.

You don't know? You've already done it.

Oh, look, Myron, we've been friends

a lot of years, ever since we were kids.

You made a fool out of me, Larry,

and I'm hurt.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you.

I like you. We're buddies, aren't we?

I'm your chum

I forgot. You're my chum.

I'm your friend

Through thin and through thick

I'm your pal

That's right, you're my pal

Till you die

- Already I'm sick.

- Which reminds me.

When you were sick

remember how I nursed you?

Stayed by your side

and wouldn't go away

Yeah.

But what have you done for me lately?

What did you do for me today?

Today? Every day, everywhere I go,

I find something for you.

And every time you let me down.

Now, take tonight.

I get you a job as a busboy,

and what are you doing?

- You're waiting on tables.

- Well, they told me to do that, Larry.

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