Seven Days' Leave Page #3

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Kenneth...

What word was that?

I hope you're pleased with me

now you see me! -I'm very pleased!

Do your folk live in England? -Canada.

Both living? -Aye.

Is your mother terrible

proud of ye? -Naturally.

Where did you come to stay in London?

I don't see that that's

any affair of yours!

So... she's in London!

Who? -Your young lady!

Are you jealous? -No

You needn't be. She's a young thing.

Wouldn't surprise

me. A beauty no doubt.

You may be sure. She's a titled person.

She's equally popular as

maid, wife, and munition worker

Tell me more about her, man.

She sends me a lot of

things, especially cake!

And a 'Worcester's Waisted'

with a loving message on the...

enclosed card!

You'll try one of my cakes!

Not for me.

They're all my own

making! -No, I thank you.

That's exactly the kind of

cakes Her Ladyship sends me!

Was the waistcoat right? I hope the

Black Watch colours pleased you...

What? Was it you

I daren't give you

my own name, you see,

and I was always reading

hers in the papers

Woman... is there no

getting rid of you?

Are you angry?

Give me some tea!

What?

Don't be thinking Mrs for one

minute that you have got me!

No, no!

I have an appointment. Tonight.

How long is your leave, Kenneth?

Oh, couple of weeks.

Kenneth, this is a queer first meeting!

It is woman. Oh, it is!

And it's also a last meeting!

Yes. Yes

What was your trade? -Me?

I was a farmer.

A farmer? Planting

and growing things...

You're a proper man to look

at! -I'm generally admired.

She's an enviable woman...

Who? -Your mother!

Well, that was just

protecting myself from you.

I have neither father, nor

mother, nor wife, nor grandmother.

Is that true? -Gospel!

Heaven be praised!

-See that? None of that!

I was a fool to tell you but don't

think you can take advantage of it!

Pass the cake.

Kenneth?

I dare say, it's true

we'll never meet again,

but, if we do,

well, I wonder where it'll be?

God, if I ever get to Berlin I believe

I'll find you there waiting for me!

With a cup of tea for you, in my hand!

Aye, and very good tea too!

We could come back by Paris

All the ladies like to go to Paris!

Oh Kenneth, I wish

just once before I die,

I could be fitted for a Paris

gown, with a dreamy corsage!

You're all alike, old woman.

We have a song about it!

Mrs Gill is very ill and

nothing can improve her,

but to see the Tuileries and

waddle through the Louvre!

Oh Kenneth you must learn me that!

Mrs Dowey's very ill, nothing

can improve her... -Stop!

But dressed up in a Paris gown

and waddle through the Louvre!

Hairy legs!

Mind your manners!

Well... I must be gone.

Thank you for the tea!

Where are you living?

No place just this

minute, but I have an idea!

I'll tell you this. London's no

place to be in without a friend, or...

a connection!

That's my quandary too Kenneth!

I feel sorry for you, you poor old lady.

But I see no way out for either of us!

Do you mean that?

Are you at it again?

Kenneth, I've heard, that the one

thing a man on leave longs for,

more than anything else, is

a bed with sheets, and a bath!

You never heard anything truer!

Go into that pantry Kenneth

Dowey, and lift the dresser top,

and tell me what you see!

It's a kind of a bath! -You

could do yourself there pretty!

Me?

How? -Half at a time!

There's a woman through the wall,

who'd very gladly give me a shakedown

until your leave is up!

Oh, is there?

Kenneth, look!

My word!

That's the dodge we

need in the trenches!

That's your bed now! -Mine?

Let's see how it works!

You queer old duck!

Would you think it routine to want to

be burdened, burdened by a lump like me!

I've been a kickabout all my life, and

I'm no great shakes at the war either!

How can you say that, and

you with a wound, child?

Suppose that makes me

a hero? -Yes, it does!

How many have you killed?

Just two for certain.

There was no glory in it.

It was just cause they wanted my shirt.

Oh Kenneth. You're just

a wonderful soldier.

You're easily pleased.

Listen old lady, if you

really want me I'll stay.

Mind you, I don't

accept you as a relation.

For your own personal glory you can

go on pretending to the neighbours!

The best I can say for

you is you're on probation!

I'm a cautious character, I'm waiting

to see how you turn out! -Yes, Kenneth

Now, I think that's that.

I have an appointment later.

You'll be sure and come back?

Yes.

Here's my gift and

pledge -Oh, Kenneth...

don't liquor up too freely!

You're the first to

care whether I do or not!

I promise. I'm damned looking

forward to being waked up

in the morning by you saying

"Get up, you lazy swine!"

I kind of... envied men that had

womenfolk with the right to say that!

What is it Kenneth?

The theatre!

It would be showier if I took a lady!

Tell me this instant, what do you mean?

Nope. Couldn't be done.

Don't keep me on the jump!

Was it...

me you were thinking of?

For the moment, but you

had no style. -Not in this!

But you should see me in my merino

It laces up the back and

it's the very latest...

That's none so bad!

be a bit of chiffon for the neck,

It's not bombs, nor Kaisers, nor

Tipperary that men in the trenches

think about!

Chiffon!

I swear I have, and I have a bangle!

and a muff, and gloves!

A'ight, A'ight.

You think you could give your

face less of a homey look?

I'm sure I could!

Alright, then you can have a try!

But mind you!

I promise nothing, it all

will depend upon the effects.

Oh Mrs Dowey's very ill,

and nothing can improve her,

But to see the Tuileries and

waddle through the Louvre!

Oh Mrs Dowey's very ill

and nothing can improve her!

But dressed up in a Paris gown...

-And waddle through the Louvre!

Hey!

Let's see em!

Name? -Lilac!

C'mon!

Who's that?

She out with the bag lady?

Alright!

This way, Kenneth!

Good day to you, Mrs Dowey!

-Good day to you, Mrs Upson!

Amelia! Amelia!

Ain't he a whopper!

He'd fix the door alright!

Gorgeous!

What do we do between

now and the theatre?

Well, we could go to the zoo!

Perhaps that's too far.

We could go to Lyons'

restaurant first, and eat!

Or we could go to the waxworks!

But perhaps it would

be better, to go first

to Sam Isaacs' Fish and

Chip Emporium, and eat...

Or we could go to the skating rink,

and if you don't like that, we

could go somewhere and... eat.

Alright! The 'eats' have it!

And then after the theatre, if

you like we could go on to...

Whoops, hold your horses old lady!

The YMCA told me to beware of

conniving females! You're on probation!

Very well, Kenneth, just as you say.

I. M. Shelley and his Union

Jack monsters, songsters!

Every soldier over there,

every airship in the air,

shows a lonely, some boy there...

Where are your bags? One song...

Kenneth, this is the shilling side!

The gallery only costs sixpence!

Let's forget that you're

Scotch. We're going in the fifth!

Violets! Sweet violets!

Here you are ladies,

sweet-scented violets!

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