Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre Page #4

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You're good, boss.

- You're real good.

- That's what they tell me.

Listen, now we actually caught

a lucky break.

There's two blue stripes

running down the side of it.

Excellent.

You get the plate?

Already up

on the comm lines.

And by any chance,

is there LoJack

on any of these vehicles?

I don't think so.

Mm. How 'bout a description

of the woman?

Well, the guy inside said

she was a real looker,

had red hair.

Hmm. That's helpful.

You pull the videotape?

- Nothing.

- What do you mean, "nothing"?

Well, they have

two video cameras,

but both of them are fake.

Well, that'll teach 'em.

Yeah.

So, where to new?

I'm hungry. Lunch.

Good idea.

[ Engine rumbles]

Here we are.

Peaches and beans,

my specialty.

- Breakfast is served.

- Oh, no, I'm good.

I just got a heaping helping

of Carl's peaches and beans,

and I'm done.

- Sorry.

- Yeah, I bet you are,

Spungebob Brownpants.

Tie him up again.

He's an old man.

He's not going anywhere.

Just let him sit here.

I said tie him up.

Why don't you tie him up?

I'm gonna go

have a cigarette.

Hey, hey.

Just wait a hot second here.

I'm tired of waiting.

So, can I interest anyone?

[ Birds chirping ]

[ Flicks lighter ]

[ Gasps]

Sarah.

Everybody.

- Oh, no. Sarah.

- What's going on?

Something's happened to her.

Come on. Hurry.

[ Gasps ]

What happened?

I don't know,

but she's dead.

Looks like she fell

into a wood chipper.

Come on. We better go

take a look around.

That is so not a good idea

right now.

But we're doing it anyway.

- Even him?

- Him most of all.

Come on.

Okay, move it.

[ Bugs buzzing ]

Here. Over here.

Oh, my God.

That was no wood chipper.

This is a tooth.

Not just a tooth.

That's a shark tooth...

like this.

But then

what happened to her?

Yeah, there ain't no sharks

in these woods.

Yeah, not that we know of.

How do you know

there ain't one

swimming in that stream

over there?

Last time I saws "Jaws,"

they were limited

to salt water.

Plus, when she crawled in,

she was hone-dry.

Those ruts over there,

they were made recently.

Whatever killed Sarah

made them.

What kind of creature

does that?

Honey, have you got an idea?

Not a clue,

but we got a body to bury,

ladies.

You want to tell me

how she ended up here

with this sticking

out of her leg?

I don't know.

Maybe it was

just laying on the ground

for some strange reason.

Yeah, it could be

a fossil or something.

It's a shark's tooth.

It's some kind of mutation,

a monster.

Oh, it's a monster,

all right.

Hold it right there, buddy.

Whoa, nice to meet you, too.

Put that away.

Or don't.

What the hell

are you two doing here?

Ah, we're waiting

on the next bus

out of the swamp.

Why?

What happened to your ride?

- It was eaten.

- Eaten?

Eaten by a monstrous

prehistoric shark.

- Oh, my God.

- We gotta get out of here.

Sorry, ladies, but our van

is staying put right here,

and so are you.

You two, come along.

- You got this?

- Yeah.

They're kidnapping us.

I know,

but look at that rack.

What were you two

really doing out there?

Hold on. I got a question

for you first.

Do you know of anyone

doing any blasting

or drilling in the area?

We're not from around here.

Don't know.

All right, look,

I'm a geologist.

John here is my assistant.

We're here

to monitor vibrations.

What kind of vibrations?

What, like good vibrations,

like the song?

Bad vibrations, actually.

Yeah, about two weeks ago,

Delgado Petroleum

started fracking

some old wells in the area.

What the hell's farking?

Fracking. It's short

for hydraulic fracturing,

and it seems like Delgado

may have gone too far

and completely shattered

the subterranean shale bed.

Mister, all I just heard

was blah-blah- blah.

Now, you start making sense

before my trigger finger

gets itchy.

Hold on a second.

Look, in 2007,

scientists discovered

an ocean

lying 1,400 kilometers

below eastern Asia

about the size of Texas.

Now, if I was a betting man,

and I am,

I would say

the good old U.S. of A.

Has an underground ocean

of its own.

What the hell

does that have to do

with what happened to Sarah

and your van?

Oceans are teeming with life,

including predators

like sharks.

Now, my fear is that Delgado

may have inadvertently

opened a superhighway

between the Earth's surface

and one of these vast

underground waterways.

And while

Delgado's greasing palms

in Little Rock

and Washington,

we might be facing

a prehistoric monster

we haven't seen

in about 40 million years.

A sharkasaurus

13 to 20 feet long,

and a natural-born

killing machine,

both in water and on land.

On land?

And believe me when I say

this is definitely not

a fossil.

Crap on a cracker.

Everybody listen up.

We are getting the hell

out of here right now.

- Hallelujah.

- But how?

That creature may be out there

waiting for us.

We'll figure a way.

Pack your stuff.

Shannon:

You think we can make it?

Who can tell?

I say we risk it.

It's only 100 sweet yards

to that van.

Then by all means,

chopstick, lead the way.

Here's the keys.

We're right behind you.

Well, what's the matter,

Tokyo Rose?

Thought you were willing

to risk it.

I'm thinking. I'm thinking.

Give me those.

I'll do it myself.

[ Earth crumbling ]

- [ Screams ]

- Hey, get back here!

Come on!

- [ Gunshots ]

- Get back here.

Get, come on, come on.

Anita:

Hurry! Come inside!

- [ Gunshots continue ]

- Come on, come on.

- [ Earth crumbling ]

- [ Screaming]

[ Gunshots ]

Anita:

What is he doing?

Oh! what's going on?

- [ Tire deflates ]

- What are the-- Oh!

Just-- Just go.

Oh, my God.

This is crazed.

Okay, does someone have

just a cell phone, a AAA card?

So, what do we do now,

professor?

Well, first,

stop waving those guns.

I don't know.

I need to think for a minute.

Oh, come on.

Pretty hyped-up group.

Yeah, they got good reason.

I don't think we've been

properly introduced.

I'm John.

Shannon.

Pleased to meet you.

50, what do you do

when you're not fleeing

prehistoric monsters?

Five to ten.

[ Bell on door rings]

I'll take this

when you guys are ready.

[ Phone rings ]

[ Phone beeps ]

- Yours from Wilson, too?

- Yeah.

Read it to me, will you?

Left my glasses in the car.

What?

Nothing. I just thought

I saw something.

Um...

says the choppers

may have spotted a van

parked nut

near Wrightson Swamp.

So, did they land

and check it out?

Negative. Wilson says the area

was too heavily wooded

to put the choppers down.

Pack up your chalupas.

Let's blow this taco stand.

Did you pay?

It's your turn.

It's always my turn.

What's cooking?

Just more peaches and beans.

- Hold the beans, please.

- Yeah, me, too.

[ Screen clangs ]

My Lord.

God bless Ronald Reagan.

What is it?

Two words...

Merry Christmas.

Well, this ought to even

the odds a little bit.

And there's a lot more

in there.

[ Birds chirping ]

You okay?

We're gonna get through this,

you and me.

I'm tired.

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