She's Funny That Way Page #10

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be talking about your patients

in any way, shape or form!

And you are?

Dad! What are you

doing in that outfit?

-My goodness.

-That's your father?

The man who calls you

constantly... Is a rabbi?

Come on, we're in the middle

of a God damn rehearsal!

-Yeah.

-Well, from what I've just observed,

I think you might be in the

middle of losing your wife!

Who is this person?

Who is she, Arnold?

I have no idea!

She's my ex-girlfriend, Arnold.

I am the person that

knows what's going on here

and I'm fed up with it.

This woman has been hired to sleep

with a number of people in this room.

Two that I know of,

by now probably three?

Really?

Then I'm going to beat

the sh*t out of anybody

who paid to sleep

with my daughter.

Who was it?

It was him.

-Him... And him.

-That's a lie!

A bullet can kill, but a punch

can change things for the living.

I'll give you spoilers.

John Wayne and

Randolph Scott tore

apart a bar fighting

for Marlene Dietrich.

John Wayne won, of course,

and they lived happily ever after.

We never did it.

Stop it, Al, just stop it! What the

hell do you think you're doing?

This is all just a play!

And who... Who is this?

My father tore a

hole in the sky.

Everyone felt a release.

Slow down, sir.

You can't just come in here and

ruin everything I'm doing, dad.

What is going on?

Don't come towards me!

Don't come, I'll blow

this whistle again!

If you don't let go of your

past, it'll strangle your future.

What is... Give me those!

Those are not playthings.

No, they're rubbers.

It's not nice to say

rubbers, darling.

-No, they're condoms.

-No, they're rubbers.

Wonderful plays your

father directs...

No, they're condoms.

I'm going to live my life!

So long!

What? What?

There's our baby!

-Our baby!

-Hey! She's mine.

Bravo! Bravo!

Bravo!

Bravo!

So the plays' reviews

were that good?

I thought it closed in a week?

Yeah...

I mean, the problem is,

Long Island house wives,

they don't want to spend their big

night out in the company of call girls.

They want dancing lions.

They want singing

mormons, you know.

They go to the

theater to escape.

It's ironic, isn't it?

But there was still a sprinkle

of magic waiting for me.

There was this guy in the audience,

sat behind my mother,

and he owned a movie studio.

And the rest is history.

Yeah, well, I was really lucky.

Is that what caused you

and Josh to split up?

Your success?

Well, you know, I just feel

like some things in life

aren't meant to last forever.

Hey, Seth!

-Hey, Vickie.

-Sorry we're late.

-That's okay.

-Who's that?

Why is she here?

Who are all those women?

Did you invite them?

Is this an activist group?

You could say that.

-Dear God, no! Get down!

-What?

-My feet are killing me.

-My God...

-Squirrels to the nuts!

-No, no, no...

That's the guy I always

talked to you about!

-I thought that was the end.

-It is!

You have no idea... You have

no idea! You changed my life!

I looked for every Michael Harrington

in the world, practically.

I took that money and parlayed it into

the best escort service in town, honey.

How do you like them apples?

Great to see you!

Bye, I'll catch you later.

That's the end.

And Arnold?

Well, I haven't seen him.

Last I heard he was working for

some sort of non-profit organization

making very large, anonymous

donations to women's charities.

And then Delta,

she fell for a new guy.

Some sort of rocket scientist. You

know, she's over the moon about that.

And then my therapist... I think

she's still with Seth Gilbert.

You know, the red bees.

So...

Yeah, it all wrapped

up real nice.

You know, sort of

just like a movie.

What about you? Is there

a person in your life?

Well, let's just say

I got a mentor...

He's actually a lot of the reason

why I'm telling you all this.

He's very into saying

it how it is.

He says that this town loves

an actress with a past

and he's sure right about that.

Well, it sounds like you've

found your place.

Wherever you are,

that's your happy place.

Squirrels to the

nuts, and all of that.

You're quoting cluny brown now?

What?

That "Squirrels To The Nuts" line,

it's from Lubitsch's Cluny Brown.

-Hey, darling.

-Hey.

It's what Charles Boyer

says to Jennifer Jones

just before they fall in love.

You mean to tell me after all

that, it's not even original?

What's original?

Honey, if we're going to get to

the Sonny Chiba triple feature

we need to leave right now.

He's a kung-fu actor.

He's the only guy on the planet

who loves movies more than I do.

Yep. True!

But you know a lot.

That's very interesting,

you don't seem to be inhibited.

Try to be more specific,

what made you think that

you were out of place?

I didn't think I was.

It's Uncle Arn.

He's always telling me,

"Cluny Brown,

you don't know your place."

Nobody can tell you

where your place is.

Where is my place?

Where is anybody's place?

I'll tell you where it is.

Wherever you're happy,

that's your place.

And happiness is a matter

of purely personal adjustment

to your environment.

In Hyde Park, for instance.

Some people like to feed

nuts to the squirrels.

But if it makes you happy to

feed Squirrels To The Nuts,

who am I to say nuts

to the squirrels?

What did you do?

Schmuck!

Thank you, Elliot.

All you could come up with

was this weak borscht

about professional ethics

because you are worried about how

this thug will handle rejection.

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