She's Funny That Way Page #2

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It's always for you anyway.

Hello? Hi, Vickie.

Who is it?

It's my boss, mom.

Can't they never

leave you alone?

I'm trying to earn

a living, okay?

Hi, Vickie, what's up?

When can you get to Manhattan?

Maybe an hour.

Give me an hour.

Great. You got a pencil?

-Here's the name. Derek. D-E-R...

-I can spell it.

Okay. Thomas, room 1369.

Okay, got it.

Where'd you say?

-The Barclay.

-Done.

So the rumors are true?

-You really did work as a...

-A muse?

A what?

A muse.

That's a real job?

Yeah.

It was for me.

My clients were

mostly poor souls.

Completely empty of magic.

So it was my job to

breathe life back into them.

-Look!

-You make a person feel special.

You treat them like they're the

most important thing in the world.

And for an hour...

They are.

There was one particular

client which...

I'll tell you more

about him in a minute.

He hired a private eye, called

him a gumshoe, to follow me.

I didn't mind.

It was kind of flattering

that someone wanted to know

where I was all the time.

Okay.

Hold it.

Who is it?

It's me.

It's Glo.

-Hi. Hello.

-Hi, how are you?

Good.

Glo, right?

Yeah. That's right,

but don't wear it out.

Say, can I use your bathroom?

Yeah. It's right,

it's right over there.

-Hello?

-Derek? Is she there yet?

Yeah, she's in the bathroom.

But, hold on.

Glo, I'm sorry.

It's Vickie.

Yeah... Tell her

I'll be right there.

Vickie, she'll be

right there... Here.

Here she is. Okay.

-Hi.

-Why didn't you call?

I had to go. I'm fine.

I'll call you in an hour.

You know, it could

be more than an hour.

He says it could be

more than an hour.

Well, then have him pay you now

for two hours, and see how it goes.

Okay.

-Hi.

-Pay her now for two hours

and see how it goes.

And I'll call you back in two hours.

Okay. Sounds good.

Can I get you a glass of wine?

Sure. Yeah. You want

jasmine, citrus, or pear?

-What?

-Lotion? Foot rub?

No, no, no. I just

put my socks on.

Well, I can't rub your feet if you're

going to be wearing socks.

No, no. I thought

maybe we could go out.

-We're going out?

-Yeah, let's go to dinner.

-Wh... Are you serious?

-Yeah. Come on.

You mean, we're going to go

out and then we come back again?

Yeah, you know, it could be three

hours, it could be four hours.

Big spender.

Where do you want to

go? Are you hungry?

Yeah, I know a place.

Do you like indian?

-Okay.

-You don't like indian?

No, no, I love it. I

love it. Yeah, yeah.

-Not too spicy.

-No, mild.

That was not mild.

How about a carriage ride?

-I could use the air.

-Fun!

Derek...

How come you're such a nice guy?

-Me? I am?

-Yeah.

Yeah, you are. You're a

real nice guy, you know.

No other client ever

took me for a drink,

or for a meal or a

buggy ride, you know?

They just want to, you know,

"wham, bam", thank you, ma'am.

I guess, I'm the romantic type.

Yeah, you are.

You are.

You are a romantic guy.

What do you want to do?

I mean, besides this.

What do you want to do?

I want...

I want to act, you know.

Yeah, I want to be an actress.

But then, of course, my dad

thinks I'm on cloud nine

-with the whole acting thing.

-Why?

'Cause it's like I just do

this as a way to earn a living

while I wait until

my break, you know.

Also help my folks out a little.

Well, maybe there's a

better way to earn a living.

Well, you know, you date guys...

What do they want?

They want you in the sack.

So this way, guys I meet,

that's all they want, too,

but at least they're

gonna pay for it.

You know, you meet a guy and

they expect it for nothing.

So this way I figure

I'm ahead of the game.

But it doesn't really

make me feel good, really.

I think you're terrific.

You know, you are the most

detailed kind of lover!

-Detailed?

-Yeah.

Like... That was amazing.

I really like you.

Listen...

You wanna make a deal with me?

What kinda deal?

No, no, no. I'm,

I'm leaving tomorrow.

But if you... If you

promise me tonight, solemnly,

on your word of honor,

that you'll never do this again,

I'll give you $30,000.

What... To have sex?

No, no, you know, for money.

Promise me you'll only do it when you,

when you like someone, or for love.

What you're gonna give

me $30,000 for that?

Yeah.

I mean, it'll give you a

fresh start on your acting,

and whatever you want to do.

You are a romantic guy!

But you're not really serious?

No, I'm serious. It's,

it's in the suitcase.

No strings attached,

I promise. I just...

I think you're great.

I do.

You're kinda the

first one, you know?

Like, my, my dad always said that

I was just crazy for wanting to act

and he said it was never

going to be "my place in life",

He called it.

-And my mom, too.

-That's ridiculous.

Nobody can tell you

where your place is.

Where's my place?

Where's anybody's place.

You want to know where it is?

Wherever you're happy.

That's where your place is.

And you're the best judge of that.

In central park, for instance,

some people like to feed

nuts to the squirrels.

But if it makes someone happy

to feed squirrels to the nuts,

who am I to say nuts

to the squirrels?

-That is just terrific!

-It's good, right.

Say, could you,

could you kiss me again?

Before the 30 grand?

You know, this man,

this beautiful person,

all he wanted to do

was care for me.

For me...

And he did.

And he changed my life,

in a New York minute.

You know, I think I felt

something for him

that I never felt

for anybody before.

Love?

Gratitude.

He inspired me the way

that I inspired my clients.

Even a muse needs a muse.

I'll miss you, Glo...

I mean, Izzy.

No, I'll miss you...

You have a good trip.

Okay. Be safe.

You know, I'll never

forget you, Derek.

Me too.

Justin!

That client I told you

about earlier, was a judge.

And he couldn't write his

judgments or opinions or whatever.

So, I worked with him a little bit

and yeah, totally helped him out.

The problem is that when

you inspire people

they want to keep getting

inspired, over and over again.

Sometimes for hours.

It's like a drug.

Highly addictive.

If you don't get it,

you start to go batty.

Hello, this is Vickie's.

We're not here right now,

but leave a message and

we'll call you back soon.

Hello, Vickie?

This is Dr. Dolittle.

-You can't call me...

-Hello, hello, Doc.

Why are you whispering?

Where are you? Niagara falls?

No, no, no. But I just

had to call you because...

Glo... You know. I

need to see her again.

-She's quit.

-Quit?

-What do you mean, quit?

-Quit means quit.

Now, would you

like anybody else?

I have a very nice

blond I can send over.

Not now.

I'll call back.

This is Dr. Vivian Claremont.

I have gone on sabbatical and

will be in Tuscany for six months.

Any of you who need immediate

help may speak to my daughter,

who is very empathetic,

her name is Jane Claremont.

In an emergency,

call her cellphone.

Eight million people in New York

and it seems like

everyone knows everyone.

Will somebody answer

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