She's Funny That Way Page #3

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their God damn phone?

Didn't your mother leave

you an emergency line?

Sh*t! Sh*t!

I like to think that coincidence

is a way of reminding us

that there's somebody up

there with a master plan.

Yes? Hello?

Who is it?

Hello, is this the

Claremont daughter?

Yes. Who is it?

Well, I'm having a

bit of an emergency.

An emergency? All right, you

probably just think it's an emergency!

I have just dropped all of my stuff

on the street in New York City.

Now, that is an emergency!

What's yours?

Well, I'm, I'm having a problem.

It's kind of an obsession...

An obsession?

All right, can I just tell

you something from experience,

obsessions are not emergencies.

They stick with

you your entire life

so you better just face it, that

this thing is going to be with you

for a really long time.

Either you just

have to get over it,

or deal with it, all right?

So, if you would like to call me

during office hours, that's fine.

I work monday, tuesday,

not wednesday morning,

which is right now.

Not thursday mornings,

which is tomorrow.

So you can call

me this afternoon,

tomorrow afternoon or

friday all day, all right?

I don't want to be

bothered with nonsense.

Please, you're a grown man.

Grow up!

Me, me, me...

Me, me, me, me, me.

Joshua! Please, please,

can you just hold the dog?

Please. I'm on the phone,

I'm dealing with emergencies.

People need me. I'm a

caregiver, it's what I do and...

Well, then, you know, you should

really try to be more polite to people.

What is it with you today?

Did someone take a

piss in your cornflakes?

Nothing. I'm just a little

nervous about tomorrow's casting.

What is the big

deal? It shouldn't...

-I told you to please not call...

-No, it's my phone.

It's not a good

time right now, dad.

I cannot believe you're

talking to your father.

-He just called.

-Your father!

-I'm calling him back.

-Please!

He calls you all the... It's like

its father's day with you every day!

I mean, the guy calls

you all the time!

-No, he doesn't.

-It's a little weird.

-Honestly, I'm getting fed up with it.

-He's called me once.

In fact, I am fed up with it.

I'm out of here.

Taxi!

Taxi!

Don't you want your

dog or your bags?

You are the rudest person

I have ever met.

Come on.

Come on, shep.

Taxi!

Maybe that judge or Dr. Jane

wasn't as nutty as I remember.

Good girl.

But memory isn't a video camera.

Is it?

Hello? Fleet detectives.

We're never too busy.

I can't give up. I've

thought about it all night.

I've got to see her,

is that too much to ask?

Just a minute, judge.

Her wiretap just came on.

-What's happening?

-Her agent is calling her.

Hello? I've got an

audition for you.

-When? What time?

-Tomorrow.

-Can you make it at 11:00?

-Yeah, sure. I can make that.

-What's the, what's the part?

-It's a leading role.

It's a lead?

No kidding.

Yeah, I'm thrilled.

What's the character?

She's a hooker?

-A hooker?

-Yeah.

No kidding.

That's kind of funny.

What... What's

like the director?

Arnold Albertson.

Arnold Albertson?

-Yeah. He's very good.

-Never heard of him.

-He's one of the best.

-Okay.

-Bye.

-All right, bye.

Okay, judge, don't worry.

I'll follow her.

I feel better now that you're

still on the case.

-Hi, Derek.

-Hi.

Remember me? Elizabeth!

Elizabeth, right.

We...

Squirrels To The Nuts?

My God, yes!

Yes, Chicago.

No, Dallas.

Dallas, that's right.

Yes. Yes.

How have you been?

How have I been?

-You absolutely changed my entire life!

-Have I?

I can't believe I'm running

into you right now.

I started a dress line with that money.

I just got back from Paris.

I'm going to Rio to start a deal!

How have I been?

Well, it's great to

see you, I'm just...

Derek, how do I find you?

I feel like I've been asking myself

the same question the last 40 years.

And I still don't

know, but listen,

I'm just rushing off,

but we'll always have Dallas

and I'm so happy

I was able to help.

Okay, well, thank you again.

-And I hope I see you again.

-I know.

Okay. Okay...

So there were others. He

helped me and he helped them.

And I'm not saying

what he did was right.

I'm not defending him.

But he did it for the high,

and after every high there

always comes the crash.

Arnold!

How was the flight?

One of my clients gave me a

lifetime of therapy as a gift.

And my therapist was a drunk.

So she left to dry out.

Her daughter took over, Dr. Jane.

And she wrote this book

finding your softer side.

Do you know it?

-No.

-Big best-seller.

She seemed like a sweet woman

and I was excited to talk to her.

Yes, yes. My mother has

been gone for three months.

If you would like

to talk to me, fine.

If you would not like to

talk to me, that's fine.

-Have you decided?

-No.

No. I mean,

I'd like to talk to you.

She'd been through a rough

break up the year before

with a hot yoga teacher.

Well, I mean, the yoga

was hot, not the teacher.

Well, actually, the teacher was,

too, but that's not the point.

They meet in class, and he starts

to give her these private lessons.

And then they move in together.

It turns out

he had been giving every other woman

in the class private lessons, too.

Can you imagine?

I mean, no wonder her latest book

is called Bitchy Is Beautiful.

That one I read.

Yeah.

-All right, have a seat.

-Yeah, thanks.

So, I've taken a look at your file.

What's your name again?

Izzy.

That's short for something.

What's your full name?

I beg your pardon?

What's your full name?

Pay attention!

My name is Isabella.

There.

Isabella.

And you've cut it down to Izzy.

That means you are cutting

off the sweet part of yourself

because Isabella is so

sweet and Izzy is so hard.

There's some insight into

your personality right there.

It seems that you're insecure

with your sweet self,

so you're emphasizing

your tough self.

Am I right or am I wrong?

Where's your file?

Okay...

A.K.A. Glo stick...

Why A.K.A. Anyway? Do...

Call girl?

Well, that's disgusting.

I mean, how do you feel when

you're even doing that?

Honestly.

Are there any up

sides to this job?

Well, there were a lot of ups...

That wasn't really the problem.

You don't joke in therapy.

I'm just... I'm feeling

kind of nervous.

You know, I've got this really

important audition tomorrow.

What? So you're auditioning

to be a call girl?

No, no, no.

I do that on the side,

like, just to kind of

support my acting.

So you have an audition.

-What's the role?

-A call girl.

Wait, I just asked you that.

I know, it's so ironic,

but life is like that sometimes.

All right, well that's great.

At least you have a lot of experience.

Sh*t!

-Hold on a second.

-Hello? Hi!

Can you hear me?

I guess you're

probably in a session.

Great, it's my mother.

She's drunk!

Does he bite?

I don't know. It depends.

Yeah, 'cause...

What are you doing?

Excuse me!

Please get off the chair.

-Are you insane?

-I don't really like dogs.

Don't like dogs.

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