She's Funny That Way Page #4

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Come on. Come on.

Go on, scram! Scram.

Come on.

God, you're neurotic,

that's for sure.

My mother's calling from a

Detox Center outside of Pisa.

Hello, I really need

to speak to somebody

about my obsessional problem.

Maybe I could make an appointment.

I'm on the Verge here...

The very Verge.

That voice sounds so familiar...

Yeah, well, it's starting to

sound way too familiar to me.

That guy is a total loon!

But I cannot talk

about my clients.

I cannot talk about

my clients...

Because that's private.

So I can't tell you who it is,

so don't ask me.

Now, where was I?

So if you would just embrace

the softer side of yourself,

and stop living

on that hard edge,

you would be in

such better shape.

Just start calling

yourself Isabella

and you may solve many,

if not all, of your problems.

Well, today I've stopped

being a call girl.

That's great!

That's great!

You see how therapy works!

It's like a... It's

like a swiss clock.

That's fabulous. You don't need

therapy any more. We're finished.

Just get yourself a large dog...

They're great company.

Congratulations,

Izzy... Isabella.

You've graduated.

Well, your name is the first

thing people learn about you.

You know, it's how they think

of you. It's who you are.

Dr. Jane gave me that, but...

I wasn't going to be Izzy Finklestein

from Brooklyn any more.

I was going to be

Isabella Patterson.

From wherever I wanted to be.

What a thrill to

see you walk in!

-Delta, you know Josh?

-Of course.

Your play's only

gotten better, Joshua.

Thank you! I can't

wait to see you do it.

Hey, guys, sorry I'm late.

And you know Seth, of course.

Do we know each other?

How long's it been since London?

Too long, dear.

Come here.

Nice to meet you.

Let's get everybody going.

Sandy!

-You're looking gorgeous.

-Seth, you're such a charmer.

Well, I hope so.

Did you know Seth Gilbert was

going to be at the audition?

No. No idea.

I didn't even know he did theater

any more, since those movies.

What's the one where he had

like pink, fluffy sleeves

and the trained Bumble Bee

in his belt buckle?

-Red Bee man?

-Yeah...

Well, after all five of those

I sort of stopped following him.

What about Delta Simmons?

You want, you want to hear

something really funny?

Sure.

One time, she comes into the

salon and my ma washes her hair.

So we got this picture of ma and

Delta above the fake fireplace.

Talk about cosmic forces...

Now, I had the chance

to work with her.

It was fate, but I

never got to tell her.

"Let me just ask

you one question.

"Do you promise that

whenever I ask the...

"Whenever I tell you something

"that you'll always stand by

me and that you'll never be...

"That you'll always be my

friend, and that you'll always...

Do you promise that no

matter what I tell you..."

Producer's daughters...

"Do you promise that no matter

what, you'll always be my friend..."

Great, thank you.

That was excellent.

I think you're a little bit young,

but thanks so much for coming in.

-Thank you!

-Thank you!

Very good, darlings.

Okay, Sandy, next!

This is Isabella Patterson.

Goodness!

Hey, hey, hey!

There we are.

-Sorry. I'm so nervous.

-Don't be nervous. Just relax.

Jesus, no! God damn it!

She's not right.

-Why not?

-Because she's not the right type.

-Josh...

-I think she looks great for it.

Just relax.

Are you okay, Isabella?

If you're not feeling well...

Sandy, why don't we

get her information

and come back another time when

you're feeling more up for it.

She's sick, unfortunately.

No, no, I'd rather do it today

because I looked at

astrology zone today

and it said it was going

to be a special day for me.

Okay, well, we don't

want to argue with that.

Let's proceed.

Maybe we'll get surprised.

So, I've prepared three scenes.

We're only going to do one because

we're under a lot of pressure.

Okay...

So which one should I do?

Arnold, don't you think we should

do the intimate scene with me?

No, no. We're going to do

the scene with the two women.

You look familiar. Were

you at the barclay recently?

No.

Seth, you're not in this scene.

So, why don't you take a breather

and we'll let the ladies begin.

I'm sorry.

Are you okay, dear?

Do you need a second?

-No.

-Sure?

Yeah, I'm fine.

"You sure you

don't want a drink?"

"No, no. I just don't

know where to start."

"Well, start anywhere you like."

"I just don't know how

it all happened, but...

"It was sort of a

very grecian evening.

"You see,

"I got into this line of

work where you usually...

"You don't know who

you're going to end up with

"until you get to

your destination.

Sort of like a temp,

but more intimate."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, this is really difficult.

"Because you are my very close

friend and I do tell you everything

"and that's why

I'm telling you this.

"Otherwise if I didn't care

for you, I wouldn't tell you.

"And I could go on forever

being your best friend

"and you really wouldn't have to

know, but I really need to tell you."

-"What are you talking about?"

-"Well...

"I was a call girl

"and I pretty much

am a call girl."

"A call girl!"

"Let me just ask

you one question.

"No matter what I say,

"Please don't judge me

"And whatever I tell you, promise

me you'll always be my friend

"and you'll always stand by me."

"Of course.

Anything.

"I care about you.

"But I'm also very,

very shocked.

"And I also feel so sad.

Those rotten bastards!"

"Put it this way.

"Do you want the bad news?

"Or the bad, bad news?

"Or do you want the bad,

bad, bad news?"

"My God, there's more?

"Okay, give me the bad news."

"The condom broke."

-"No..."

-"Yeah.

"And the bad, bad news

is that I'm pregnant."

-"God!"

-"Yeah..."

"Well, I guess I'll be an auntie...

That's not so bad."

"Well...

"The bad, bad, bad news?"

"Yes?"

"Gosh..."

"What?

Tell me."

"It was your Fred.

"Please don't hate me.

And don't hate him.

"It was just one of those crazy,

stupid, weird things

"that happen to you in life

"and you can't predict

it and you can't judge it!

"So please...

Please don't hate me."

That was brilliant, darling.

That was so good!

Darling.

Wasn't she so good, Arnold?

Very good.

Very good.

Thank you so much for coming,

we're running late, so...

I'll show her out, Sandy.

You bring in the next girl.

-Very good, Isabelle.

-Thanks a lot.

-Yeah. Bye.

-Goodbye!

Hey, I'll walk you out.

Well done.

Wasn't she good?

She was. Very.

She nailed it!

Wasn't she good, Arnold?

I did think she was good.

She really moved me.

Okay, so what's next?

Let's move on...

-So, you were a call girl?

-In the play.

No, that's not what

you've been implying.

Yeah, no.

Izzy was. Yeah.

But you're Izzy.

I am.

So, are you by any chance

free for dinner tonight?

I don't know. Yeah, I guess.

Good. Good.

I was so impressed

with that reading today.

But, to be honest, I was impressed

before the reading too, so...

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