She's Funny That Way Page #9

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Nothing of the sort at all.

She loved you!

Not that I can see why or how!

Why? Maybe because I'm

a good guy and I like...

-Who likes hookers!

-Yeah. Checkmate!

Because I'm not perfect,

okay? Neither are you!

Jesus Christ, this is a waste

of time. It's a waste of time!

I'm going to go to

sleep now, okay?

Tired! Tired!

All I can say is

that in the morning

it's going to be a distinct

pleasure working with you, Arnold.

-Yeah. Your room's over here!

-I knew that!

There were those

nights when you get home

and there's no one to call.

And there's no

vodka left to drink.

And you got nothing on TV apart

from those stupid infomercials.

And you're stuck with yourself.

And that's what they mean

when they say the word terror.

Because all I wanted was to be

wrapped up in somebody's arms.

Anybody's arms.

Even a stranger's.

I hate... I hate being alone.

But when I am,

I look into the mirror

and I tell myself something

that Audrey Hepburn once said...

"I believe in pink.

"I believe that laughter

is the best calorie burner.

"I believe in kissing.

"Kissing a lot.

"I believe in being strong

"even when everything around

you seems to be going wrong.

"I believe that happy girls

are the prettiest girls.

"And I believe that tomorrow

is another day.

And I believe in miracles!"

I believe in miracles.

You know, that...

That works every single time.

Hey, Isabella.

Thank God.

I was trying to call you all night last

night, you didn't pick up your phone.

I didn't really know what to do.

You know, I figured

I'd just show up.

-Morning Josh. Izzy.

-Hey.

-How did you sleep, darling?

-Not good.

Don't let it get ya down!

Okay, let's start right in. We

don't want to waste any time today.

Is everybody here?

Yeah, everybody but Delta.

Well, then,

everybody's not here!

What do you mean,

"Yeah, everybody but Delta?"

You mean, "Everybody but Delta",

you leave out the "Yeah."

Everybody's here but Delta, sir.

Okay, don't call me sir, Sandy.

All right, we're going

to start without her.

Let's just sit down

and have a table-read.

Good morning, everybody!

I assume we're

starting with a reading.

Yes, that's what

I was just saying.

-I thought maybe we'd just sit down...

-Fine!

Let me just say something

here before we get started.

Look, we're all

professionals here.

Which isn't to say that we don't

have problems in our private lives

from time to time.

Of course we do.

But what makes us professionals

is that we don't let those problems

slop over into our work.

And we can't talk about them

in any way, shape or form.

Use it for your performance,

let it fuel that,

But don't let it distract

you from our purpose here.

Which is, of course, that

old show business cliche,

which I happen to

really believe in.

The show must go on and it will!

-We owe it to the public.

-Fine!

I agree with you absolutely,

but I'd just as soon

not read the play.

I would like to begin

with act 1 scene 1,

between Seth's character and mine.

I'd like to get it up right away.

-Wait, I beg your pardon?

-On its feet.

Okay...

Yeah, well, I think that we should

read the entire play first...

Well, considering the situation,

which of course we're not

going to speak about,

I think we ought to just help

the actors get through this,

like getting to the end

of a long, dark tunnel,

rather than try to follow some

accepted directorial rules.

I'd like to think you're

bigger than that as a director.

Anybody have a problem

with this? Seth? Izzy?

-Anybody?

-Nope.

-No, not me.

-Great!

Okay we'll start with scene 1.

Only Seth and Delta are needed.

The rest of us can

watch from the orchestra.

Would you bring out the bedroom

with the couch and the two chairs?

All right, the curtain rises.

It's hal finnegan's hotel suite.

Delta, whenever you're ready...

Well, I don't have the first line.

But if I did I would begin.

All right.

"Well, you refuse to understand

what I'm saying, so what can I say?

I'm sorry, I guess."

"That's okay, I'm used to it.

You always yell when you don't

know what you're talking about."

"I know what I'm talking about,

you don't want to hear it.

It's a real female thing."

"When you don't want to hear

something, you just don't hear it."

"Well, it's very hard

for me to understand

"how you can sleep with other

women and then sleep with me

and tell me it doesn't

mean anything."

-"Well, it's true."

-"So you're saying

"that the time you

spend with other women

"doesn't exist any

more in your brain.

It isn't some sort

of pleasant memory?"

"No, I didn't say that."

-"Well, then..."

-"Well, then what?"

"How can I not think about

what you're thinking about

"when you're making love to me?

"How do I know you're with me

and not with some other woman

"you made love to

some other time?

"Therefore we're not in sync?

Because I might be thinking

about some guy, too, right?"

"I don't know how we got here.

"All I said was, 'why don't we

go to a vegetarian restaurant.'

"And this had to happen."

"Give me that."

-"No, you quit."

-"So did you."

"Well, just because I'm breaking

my thing, doesn't mean I..."

"What... I can't have a

puff on your cigarette?"

-"I didn't say that."

-"Well, then, give it to me."

"No, I feel bad now for smoking.

'Cause it's like I'm

breaking your thing..."

"I have an independent mind. I want

a f***ing puff on the cigarette! Now!"

-"Okay, here."

-"Thank you."

Ring-Ring!

Ring-Ring!

"Why don't you answer it?

"It's probably one

of your friends.

"None of my friends

can ever get through."

"Answer it yourself. I've no interest

in talking to anybody right now."

"I'm getting kinda hungry...

"What do you want to do?"

"I want you to come

over here and kiss me."

"Any particular way?"

"Blindfolded with

my legs crossed."

"How about blindfolded

with your legs apart?"

I'm not sure about that line,

Josh. What do you think?

Just read the

f***ing script, Seth.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

We'll get to your

dumb actor questions later.

Just read it, Seth.

"How about blindfolded

with your legs apart?"

"Just shut up and kiss me."

"He, he, he leans in and

gives her a long kiss."

Okay...

All right, okay. I got it!

Hey, that's it! Cut!

What is this, caligula? I'm

suppose to sit here and watch this?

Sorry, I got really into it.

Come on, that's it.

We're going to take ten.

She's good.

-Shep! What's going on?

-Heel!

Heel.

What are you doing

here? Where's Jane?

What? Wilba!

-Wilba, come back!

-What the hell is going on here?

I'll tell you

what's going on here.

You hired that hooker

because she turns good tricks.

Well, would you like

some good tricks?

'Cause I got a bag full of

them. Who wants to go first?

I've got tricks on all of you!

Jane, this is very

inappropriate and unprofessional!

I don't give a

sh*t what you think!

Who do you think

you are, Hemingway?

Miss Jane Claremont,

you have absolutely no right to

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