She's Out of My League

1

Marnie?

I know we agreed

to take some time off.

And I think that was a great idea.

My God.

It gave us both a chance

to experiment, if you will,

and meet all sorts of new

and interesting, different people.

You did quite a bit more

experimenting than I did.

A lot more experimenting.

You are like a scientist!

With beakers and... But, obviously,

I'm cool with that. Like...

'Cause the thing is,

I think we're stronger as a result.

But here's the thing, Marnie,

it's been two years.

And that's a lot of time off.

And I'm ready for some time on.

I miss you.

I miss us.

I got something for you.

What do you think?

Oh, man!

It's depressing.

I mean, it's really depressing.

It's horrible to watch you like this.

I think this is really pretty.

How's it work?

What the hell is that?

I got it for Valentine's Day,

right before she broke up with me.

Look, Stainer, I know

you don't like her very much.

No. No. I hate her. In fact,

the day that you broke up with her,

I marked that down in my calendar

as a day of rejoicement.

I'm gonna celebrate it

with a cake with her face on it.

But instead of eating it, we smash it.

OK? You can do a lot better.

- You deserve a lot better, Kirk.

- Thank you,

but I've seen what's out there

and I don't think it gets any better.

When have you been out there?

When have you left the apartment?

I went out on four different dates.

With three girls and that guy.

I don't know what his

intentions were, but it's fine.

We had a great conversation.

He was just lookin' for a friend.

- Know what your problem is?

- What?

- You're a moodle.

- A "moodle"?

A man poodle. Girls,

they want to take you out on a walk.

They want to feed you, they want to

cuddle you. But, make no mistake,

no girl wants to do the moodle.

- No one'd ever f*** a moodle.

- No.

- He's right.

- I'm telling you,

if you want to get Marnie back,

she has got to believe

that from the second

she broke up with you,

your life has been

a non-stop snatch parade.

Or you could just be who you are.

Why can't that be good enough?

Why don't you put your

f***ing balls in here, dude?

Yeah!

- "Snatch parade." Really, Kirk?

- Yeah, it's been pretty awesome.

I've been raw-doggin' some randoms.

Usually careful. Mostly careful, though.

Always using protection.

Double-baggin' it sometimes

just to make sure there's

no seepage because...

...gonorrhea, herpes and stuff.

I don't want that.

Wow. I am really happy that

you are doing so well with the ladies.

But, truthfully, Marnie.

I reallyjust want to give all that up

and get back together with you.

Kirk? You know I'm with Ron now.

Raw-doggin' some randoms?

Wow, Kirky, sounds like you got

some good stuff goin' on.

- Yeah.

- Thanks, Ron.

We're kind of in the middle

of something right now.

Oh, you want to talk? No problem.

- I'll just be in the other room.

- Thanks, buddy.

Ah, sorry. One more thing.

Is there any salsa?

You know what? I'll find it myself.

Good luck there, pirate.

- Are you kidding me, Marnie? That guy?

- That guy is an entrepreneur.

- Well, Ron owns a Pizza Hut.

- That's a business.

It's not even a real Pizza Hut!

It's a Pizza Hut Express!

Working airport security

with your dipshit friends

isn't getting you closer

to being a pilot.

I... I got you somethin'.

Like, remember that time I made you

the mix tape of all the Kate Bush songs

I thought applied to our relationship?

This is cooler.

Happy Valentine's Day

from two years ago.

Hi, honey. Everything OK?

- Yeah.

- Oh, God, what is that?

I think it's an ashtray?

- No, it's for your earrings.

- Or that.

Kirk, please, don't cause a scene.

Everyone's over.

Jesus, Mom,

a little privacy here, please?

- It's OK, Mrs. Kettner.

- OK.

Kirk. You know that I don't

get along with my own parents,

and you've been really great about

your family practically adopting me

since we broke up.

- I love you.

- Marnie, I love you, too.

Just... OK... Let me finish.

I love you like I love... TV.

- I love you like I love pizza.

- Superfly Snuka!

- No, Dylan!

- You still got it!

- Give it to him!

- What's up, little bro?

- F*** you!

- Dylan! Leave your brother alone.

- Snap him like a wishbone.

- Sore spot? Just let it happen.

- Yeah! You ain't got sh*t, you p*ssy!

- I hate you!

Mom! Kirk said he hated me!

OK, let's move out! Movie night!

I do not want to miss the previews.

- Here. I got the brews. Let's go!

- Comin' with us, pirate?

- No, thanks.

- It's Chris Tucker, dude.

Yeah, I think I'll pass.

Do you see the words

comin' outta my mouth?!

Chris Tucker, right?

Mom! I did the Chris Tucker for him.

- That's nice.

- I'm just gonna leave this here.

He's the black guy from Rush Hour.

- Let's go, go, go!

- OK.

- Mom... Yeah.

- You know, it's engraved on...

Boarding passes and IDs

where I can see them, please!

Let's go!

- Hey.

- Hey.

Boarding passes and IDs where I...

Oh, well, well, well.

Thanks for comin' in, Kettner.

Sorry I'm late, Fuller.

- Yeah? You'd better have a good excuse.

- No.

You wanna take a second?

Make somethin' up?

- Nope.

- Interesting.

Oh, look at this.

Yes, yes.

Yeah, that's so good.

That's great. That's perfect.

Listen, Mr. Friedman,

their quote is lower than ours.

So if fake flowers and cheap champagne

is how you want to woo your clients,

then feel free to blow us out.

I'm sure the event'll be fine.

Thank you, Mr. Friedman. Tomorrow.

Have a nice flight.

Boarding passes and IDs

where I can see... Hi!

- Hi.

- Hay-lo.

Hi-lo. Hello!

New York, huh?

Yeah. The Big... City.

Big Apple.

Big Apple City. I get up there a lot,

'cause I actually, I gig up there.

I play in a band.

- I'm the lead in a band.

- Hey, Stainer.

Did you get the numbers with...

For the new procedures regarding planes?

This is Randy.

- What's up?

- Hi.

- Well, everything checks out.

- Thank you.

- Do you need a hand?

- No.

Smooth. Go put this back in the trash.

- It's a memo.

- Put it back in the trash!

- Boarding passes and IDs, please!

- Next! Oh, ma'am!

- Your shoes.

- Oh, sorry.

OK, let's go ahead and strip off

that belt too, while we're at it, huh?

You have any piercings

you want me to know about?

Anything at all?

All right,

I'm really late for my flight.

Why don't you step on through,

we'll see if you set off the machine.

Thank you.

No, no, no. Not so fast.

I'm gonna have to ask you

to step over to the wanding area.

- Fuller, why?

- Well, you never know. I mean...

You just waved the wand

over your tie clip!

- No, I did not.

- Yes, you did.

Well, I am keeping an eye on you.

Wow. They let guys like that work here?

Yep!

Yes, they, they,

they let that guy be my boss.

Thank you for pissing off

your boss for me.

Oh, yeah, please, anytime.

- Molly! Your boarding pass.

- Oh, thanks... Kirk.

Kirk.

Flight six-three to JFK, you're

cleared for taxiing on runway two-niner.

Cabin crew, lock doors and cross-check.

Dude! Cut it a little closer,

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