She's Out of My League Page #3

- So you know what's happening.

- What's that?

She's setting you up with

the bitchy friend.

Perfect for you,

'cause you like b*tches.

Yeah, well, that's fine.

Patty's not a b*tch, she's different.

Yeah, different in that she's a b*tch

and other people aren't.

- Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!

- Come on!

- Will! Will!

- Pass it, pass it!

Come on, Averill,

play the man, not the puck!

Yeah, come on, dick!

I'm sorry, the player that

I was screaming at is a forward,

but for some reason he keeps

hanging back at the blue line

- with the defensemen.

- You realize they're

hanging back 'cause

they're trying to kill a power play.

That is exactly what's happening.

Damn it, Fox, keep your stick down!

- That felt good.

- Yeah.

She knows a strange amount

about hockey.

- Yeah, man.

- Yeah.

Hey, Mol.

What... Scott Reese knows you?

- A little.

- Little bit.

Come on, Reese, pick it up!

You suck today!

- What a save!

- Oh, my God, he caught that.

- F*** you, man! F*** you!

- He's such a freak!

- I'm gonna get some drinks.

- OK.

- I'm gonna get some beers, guys.

- Oh, OK.

I see what's goin' on.

Yeah, I'll get some beers with you.

Turn your attention to the center ice...

- You two stay here. You know, talk.

- I know.

Hi.

...Charlie Slaughter from Brookline.

- Ye olde intermission.

- ...pick a winner!

Listen, while we have a minute here,

Molly's always trying to set me up.

That's why she brought me along, but

honestly I'm not interested, no offense.

No offense taken. I assume that

I am probably not your type.

I was talking about Stainer.

What? What do you think, we're on, like,

a double date or something?

- Well, yeah.

- Yeah, but that'd mean that Molly...

- No.

- Yes.

Kirk, Molly's into you.

Yeah! It's effortless.

Listen, Kirk, I love you,

but there's no way on the planet

that Molly is into you.

Why would she bring a friend

and give you two tickets?

Well, Molly brought Patty for you,

but Patty thought you were a moron.

OK, now I know you've gone crazy.

You're telling me the hottest chick

I've met in my life wants you,

and the Hamburglar wasn't into me?

Listen to yourself. F*** you.

F***...

That's a pretty impressive catch, Kirky.

Right. The day that that happens is

the day that Jack sleeps with your wife.

- What, did that already happen?

- We weren't technically dating yet.

My bad.

Are we gonna talk

or are we gonna bowl?

All I'm saying is,

this girl's too hot.

I mean, no judgment on Kirky,

but the guy's just outgunned here.

- Yo, House Ball!

- "House Ball?"

Yeah, I was up first.

- OK. OK. My bad.

- For f*** sake! Hey!

- What is it with you people?

- Hey, he can just wait his turn.

Oh, really? All this noise and sh*t,

and my best friend is such a distraction

in your goddamn peripheral vision?

All right, take it easy.

It's all good. Let him do his thing.

Well, f***in' roll then.

- Bring it, Brunswick!

- I'm here. Let's do this, come on.

You feel strong, tough guy?

- Walk!

- You piece of sh*t!

- Get off!

- All right, come on.

- TSA, motherf***er!

- Don't!

He's lucky.

- He's an a**hole.

- I'm really sorry.

OK, anyway... I love Kirky,

but let's face it, the guy's a five.

Stainer, that's just dirty pool.

He's at least a six.

A six? You go ahead and

pump rainbows into his a**hole,

- but I'm just being honest.

- Come on, cut him some slack. Look.

Half a point 'cause

he's a nice guy. Right?

And he's funny, so that's half

a point each. That brings him to six.

Devon's right.

But he drives a shitbox, deduct a point.

- Take a point off.

- What's wrong with my Neon?

I don't know. Except the people

that make that car don't even like it.

- So we're back to a five.

- Five.

Meanwhile, this Molly is a hard ten.

And that five point disparity,

that is a chasm.

- Chasm?

- Yeah.

Chasm. You can't jump

more than two points.

Where do you get this sh*t?

Trust me, Kirk.

I can't even get a ten.

- Oh, not even you, huh?

- I'm a six, OK?

Bullshit, you're a six!

Then what am I?

- You're an eight.

- OK, fine, you're a six then.

But I get a one point bump

'cause I'm in a band.

Stainer, you're in a

Hall and Oates cover band!

- I'm pretty sure that's a deduction.

- Adult Education is a tribute band.

So that puts me back at a seven.

On a good day,

the best I can bag is a nine.

- What about your crappy car?

- Artist's exemption.

I'm expected to have a shitty car.

Is there an artist's exemption

for talkin' out your ass?

Yeah. It's called

bein' a rock star, Jack.

Look it up in the dictionary.

It's there. Next to "F*** you!"

Guys, I think this system's ridiculous.

All right? If someone really loves you,

then you are a ten.

My God. What, are...

Are you Hannah Montana?

Because nothing you're saying

right now is of any help to Kirk.

What?!

Hello? Hello! Hey, Molly.

I'm well, thank you. How are you?

First of all, thank you. Yeah,

it was great. It was incredible.

Thank you so much. No...

Kirky, what'd she say?

I think she just asked me out.

Yeah! Way to go, Kirkers!

Hey, did she say anything, you know,

about Wendy thinkin' I'm hot?

- Oh, no.

- Shoot. I wonder if she's on Facebook.

- Devon, you're on Facebook?

- Yeah. I got like 37 friends.

Oh, cool.

Moll, what about this

for your date tonight?

Katie, that's the most

disgusting thing I've ever seen.

Wait. You have a date with Kirk?

When do you want the

bad date bail-out call?

I don't want it.

No, seriously,

work emergency or aunt died?

- I'm not gonna need it.

- Whatever.

What is your problem with Kirk?

I don't have a problem with Kirk.

I have a problem with you dating Kirk.

Why?

You dated Cam and got hurt, so you

pick a guy like Kirk because he's safe.

Yeah. Or maybe because

he's just a nice guy.

He's great. I just...

You and I know he's not the

kind of guy you usually end up with.

Yeah, I know.

Ah, goddamn it.

Way to go. What happened to you?

You look like sh*t. Besides that.

I got, like, 30 minutes

of sleep last night.

What do I even say to Molly tonight?

Like, what, do I just talk about

her ridiculous hotness for two hours?

I don't know. You were

pretty smooth at the hockey game.

Thanks, man. Well, that's because

I didn't think I stood a chance in hell,

but now that she's asked me out

I don't get it. It boggles my mind.

Why would she ask me out?

- Are you dying?

- What?

You maybe have some

rich benefactor in a top hat

who's trying to

set you up before you die.

Like Great Expectations.

Have you read that book?

- Yeah, man.

- It's so weird!

No, Stainer, I'm not terminally ill.

Thank you for your concern.

- Then that's a brain-teaser, isn't it?

- Tell me about it.

- You know, let's go this way.

- Who is that?

What?

Nobody. Just some chick

that I boned when I was drunk.

She's a total psycho. Let's go this way.

- It's quicker. Come on.

- What?

This place is tremendous.

It's... I'm just trying to think

whether or not I've been here before.

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