She's Out of My League Page #8

Awesome stuff. They're going to

play some more Hall and Oates for us,

and maybe some other old favorites

from some other artists? No?

- You're kidding me.

- Nope. Just... more Hall and Oates.

Everybody, let's raise a glass

to Patty and Molly for throwing, by far,

the coolest party I've ever

personally been invited to.

Great job, girls.

Let's hear it for Patty and Molly!

And now, to the gorgeous

birthday girl, Katie McCleish.

You're 21 years old now.

What else can I say?

Let life come to you.

- Happy birthday, Katie!

- Thank you.

All right, guys, enjoy the party.

- Can you hold this for me?

- Why?

Better with myjacket off.

Just ditch that somewhere.

What? What am I

supposed to do with this?

OK, now we're gonna

take it down. A lot.

You're totally gonna

jump his bones tonight, aren't you?

I don't know. Maybe.

- Hey.

- Hey.

I think it's time for you

to dance with me.

Hey, Devon! Wendy, remember?

No. No, I don't. I... Aw, shoot.

I think this is the first time

we're meeting. Ever!

- OK.

- This is my wife, Karen.

- I'm Karen.

- Wendy.

Nice to meet you.

- That's good. OK, I'm gonna...

- OK.

What?

- Oh, there's my parents!

- What?

Hey! Hey, let's go meet them.

She's with that f***in' a**hole.

- Hi!

- Hi!

- Hey, baby...

- Dad, hi.

- You remember Kirk.

- Yeah, how could we forget? Yeah.

- Oh, this time we...?

- Hi, there.

Mr. and Mrs. McCleish, from the

bottom of my heart, I am so sorry.

The last time we met wasn't exactly

the world's greatest first impression.

- No, it certainly was not.

- I promise you that I will grow on you.

- I hear this party was all your idea.

- No, no. This is all Molly's.

Hey, what line of work are you in, son?

It's kind of a long story.

I grew up with my...

- Kirk's in aviation.

- Another pilot?

- Really?

- Oh, Molly likes the flyboys.

Just like your mother.

I flew choppers back in Nam, Saigon.

Evacuation, April, '75, that was...

He's been pushing Molly

to take flying lessons.

- After she passes the bar.

- Yeah. Flying!

Hey, now here's a pilot! How are ya?!

- You son of a b*tch!

- Boy, good to see you!

Good to see you.

Lucille, don't you look lovely.

- Hello, Cam.

- What?

- Kirky!

- I didn't think you were gonna be here.

You bet. You know,

Ger and Lucille invited me.

- What a pleasant surprise!

- Target acquired.

- Cam... How's it going?

- Mol.

Have you seen Katie?

Let's go see Katie.

- OK. I'm... See you down there.

- Good to see you again, kid.

Nice to see you... sir.

I'll see you down there.

Mind if I join you?

So Mollyjust explained

all about you two,

and I gotta admit I feel like a jackass.

Don't worry about it, man...

It's all good.

I thought you were gay, too.

- Just joking. I'm just joking.

- You are funny.

- Thank you.

- All right, then...

Take good care of her.

She's a special girl.

- Yeah, she's perfect.

- Oh, yeah, about that...

Don't really call her that.

She doesn't like it.

And, besides, she's not

exactly perfect anyway, right?

What do you mean?

All right, listen.

Don't let it creep you out, OK?

I mean, the first time

I saw her little defect...

Woof! I'll admit it gave me the willies.

But it might not bother you. Who knows?

All right? And even if it does,

just try to be cool, you know,

and you'll get used to it,

all right? Good luck.

No, no, no, no,

wait, wait, wait, wait.

Please, this is...

This is very important.

- Birth defect? What is it?

- I can't tell you that, man.

Somethin' you're gonna

have to figure out for yourself.

I'm out.

Interesting.

- OK, your turn.

- Yeah.

Oh, sh*t.

I haven't really been hittin'

the gym as much as I should lately.

It's OK.

Holy Moses.

- Interesting.

- What, what? What?

Nothing. Nothing.

What's wrong?

It's been a while and

I'm not very experienced sex-wise.

- Kirk, please. Your balls are shaved.

- Oh, I know. I know.

It's kind of a new thing I'm trying out.

It's a bad idea. It's...

I feel like I'm eleven.

What if I show you something

I'm self-conscious about?

- Oh, that would be amazing.

- OK.

- Promise me you won't laugh.

- No, I, I... I promise.

OK.

What am I looking at?

That's it?

- That's your big defect?

- Webbed toes is not a defect!

Yeah, no sh*t

webbed toes is not a defect!

I was expecting some kind of

pulsating growth

or a cluster of lumps...

...or like a little dick that,

I don't know, talked.

This is what... All you got is it's

inconvenient for you to wear flip-flops?

Who told you I have a defect? Cam?

Well, yeah.

And as far as I can tell that's the

only thing separating you from perfect.

You think I'm too perfect?

So you were hoping there was something

wrong with me so you could be with me.

Look at the evidence, Molly.

It's...

I'm unattractive,

I'm out of shape, I'm uncoordinated,

I've never been to Europe, I'm not

a college graduate, I drive a Neon...

- I like your Neon.

- Oh, God, come on, Molly, look at me.

I'm a five. This is a five. Hard five.

You can't jump more than two points.

It's the Tao of Love.

Everybody knows that.

Even if you were a nine,

and I was in a band,

- but no, you're a hard ten.

- What are you talking about?

Do you even know how hot you are?

No, you probably think that everybody

gets free sh*t everywhere they go,

and everybody's happy and nice to

each other in shiny, happy Hot Town,

with you and all your hot friends

and ex-boyfriends,

but I hate to break it to you,

it's not the same for the rest of us.

OK, Kirk. You clearly have some

major self-esteem issues.

You lied about me to your parents

right in front of me!

- No, I didn't!

- "Kirk's in aviation?"

That's like saying the guy who

shovels elephant sh*t at the circus

is in show business.

No, he's just the elephant sh*t guy.

That's me. I'm that guy.

I'm never gonna be a pilot.

And I am happy with that.

And I'm fine with that, too.

And I was fine with you

up until about three minutes ago.

That's... I'm so glad

that you were "fine" with me.

You know what? Maybe you're right.

Maybe you are a five.

You know why?

No self-esteem, deduct a point.

Every time someone walks into a room

you compare yourself to them,

deduct a point.

You're a smart and talented guy

who's afraid to do anything with it,

deduct a point. How are we doing?

Oh, yeah.

Hoping that I have a defect

that you can work with?

Deduct whatever's left.

I'm outta here. Webbed f***ing feet.

Are you kidding me?

- Kirk!

- Hey, do me a favor.

- Tell Foot Long I said hi.

- He's my ex-boyfriend, Kirk. Ex!

- Know why we broke up?

- Because you guys couldn't decide

- which one of you was hotter?

- No. Because he behaved

exactly like you're behaving right now.

He couldn't handle it.

He thought I was perfect,

he had me on a pedestal

that I couldn't possibly live up to!

Oh, and one other little thing?

He cheated on me.

After that I said to myself, "I'm

not gonna date guys like that anymore."

Wait... "Guys like that?"

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