She's Out of My League Page #9

So, what, you're just...

- You were gonna date guys like me?

- That what you wanna hear?

That I asked you out 'cause you're safe?

Keep goin'.

That I thought that a guy

who looks like you wouldn't hurt me?

Is that what you want to hear, Kirk?

Are you happy now?

Yeah, I'm ecstatic.

Kirk!

F***.

Six-Delta-Bravo,

flight cleared to land. runway two-two.

- "List." It's "list."

- No, it's not. It's "lips."

- It's "list."

- "Your kiss is on my lips."

Why'd it be "list?"

"It's on my list

of the best things in life."

- Stainer.

- What?

- Hey.

- Oh, hey, Kirk.

Where have you been?

Here. Tune it.

Oh, sh*t.

So you're all "Branson bound," huh?

Yeah. They were Marnie's idea.

OK, Kirky, let's go.

- OK, I'll see you guys later.

- Relax.

The Branson flight's

not for another 45 minutes.

I could just meet you down at the gate.

- OK.

- Everybody together? Got everything?

- Yeah, let's go.

- I'm comin'.

Wow, so you're really back with Marnie.

Hey, fellas.

Hand it over, dumb-ass. No liquids

over three-point-four ounces.

Good call. Hey, pirate,

can you spot me a 20?

I want to get one of those

scented neck pillows.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, of course.

- Here you go.

- Thanks, bro.

Yeah, you got it.

Are you kidding me?

This might seem crazy,

but he and I actually have

- a lot in common, so... Oh, f***!

- Sorry.

You don't have anything in common

with those people.

Look at me. You OK?

Do you think I really

want to be Branson bound?

I don't.

The whole time you told me

I wasn't good enough, you were right.

So this is my life. I gotta go.

Marnie's waiting for me.

- See ya, guys.

- Yeah.

- See you later, Kirky.

- See you.

What?

Goddamn it. Tina Jordan.

Here.

That's a large Coke,

a fry and some ketchup...

- Mary J. Blige!

- Hey, Wendell.

I need to know, right now,

why it didn't work out with us.

- I have customers.

- This is important, OK?

This is important. I was good to you,

right? I mean, I was sensitive.

Remember when you got the flu?

I didn't party that weekend.

Remember?

Remember the leg massages?

Remember when I used to run

my hand down your back? Like that?

Remember when I nursed

that baby bird to health?

Little Timothy? He died.

Christ on a corndog.

Tammy, can you cover for me?

- Yeah, sure.

- Thanks, Tammy.

Whatever, Wendell. Can I help

the next person in line, please?

I really liked you,

but all that stuff about

I'm a ten and you're only a six?

- Seven.

- Fine.

But you were all up in my beeswax

checking to see if I was gonna dump you.

But you did dump me! Why don't you just

admit I was never good enough for you?

Wendell, you were

plenty good enough for me.

You were just

never good enough for you.

Oh, sh*t.

I'm gonna need some

gravy fries when I get back.

Would you put your seat forward, please?

- Tom f***in' Wopat, bro. Told you.

- Tray table.

- Kirky, look at David Archuleta.

- Can I help you?

TSA. Excuse me.

- You have no authority.

- You better believe I do.

All right, everybody, listen up! TSA!

I apologize. This guy's drunk as f***.

He sh*t his pants.

It's very embarrassing.

We have to get him off.

I'll have to have you come with me.

- Jesus Christ. What are you doin'?

- I was wrong about you and Molly.

We gotta fix it. Just act drunk.

Thank you. TSA. Come on.

Believe it or not,

this has nothin' to do with you.

- Sir!

- It's not about me.

I'm gonna have to ask you

to exit the aircraft.

I'm gonna have to ask you

to exit my personal space.

- Stainer!

- F*** off! Sorry, that's yours.

You're gonna get arrested by

the Department of Homeland Security.

They're gonna send you

to Guantanamo Bay.

Yeah. I like Cuba. I like mojitos.

You don't wanna go

to Branson with A-holes!

- He call us A-holes?

- Look at them. That one's pregnant.

- That guy's got hair in the front.

- Dude...

Sweetheart, remember the baby.

- I'm doin' this for the baby.

- Don't be a hero!

- How's this work? Seat belt person!

- Stop. We have a...

They are my family.

And I'm with Marnie now.

Marnie is an evil b*tch.

All due respect.

Kirk! Hit him!

- At least say something.

- Let's go.

OK. I was right about Molly.

She's a ten, OK? A hard ten.

- My God.

- I was wrong about you. You're a ten.

- You can't settle for a three.

- Two.

- Arguably a two.

- Come on, let's go.

You're the best guy I know. I won't

let you end up with her. You're a ten!

- Come on.

- Listen! You're a ten!

You're a ten! Kirk, don't do it!

I'm not going! I'm not going!

- OK, this is not good.

- All right, I'm going.

Whatever.

Last call for flight four-four-three.

- Damn it!

- Last call for flight four-four-three.

- Hello?

- Hey, Patty.

- Who is this?

- Stainer. Don't hang up.

How the f*** did you get my number?

- TSA. Moving on...

- No. no. no. Let's not move on.

This better not be where you ask me out

because you confused my hatred for you

for some kind of flirtation.

I thought I made myself clear.

No, no, no, you were clear. We're good.

- 'Cause I genuinely hate you also.

- Oh, cool.

Cool. And we're back to talking.

All right. So, Kirk is leaving

on a plane with another girl.

Now, I tried to get him off,

but they threw me off the plane!

Stainer, your screw-up

is not my problem.

No, we both screwed up.

We told them that it wasn't gonna work.

They believed us. So now,

unfortunately, I need your help.

Hello? Patty? Goddamn it.

you f***ing hung up on me!

- OK, I'll see what I can do.

- Thank you.

Sorry.

l have a ground X-ray one radio check.

Taxi to one-two.

EastWest four-three. you're cleared

for taxi to runway two-seven.

So, we are seeing the

Dave Coulier tomorrow night,

and on Saturday we're gonna see

both of the Elvis tributes,

- and then on S...

- No.

- Excuse me?

- No, no, no. Stainer was right.

Flight attendants,

prepare for departure.

- Stainer was right.

- What are you doing? Kirk!

Yeah, I'm not going

to Branson with you people.

You are my family and I love you,

but really, with the exception of Mom,

you're all a bunch

of bloodsucking vampires

who never support anything I do.

I'm going to go find Molly

and show her that I am good enough.

So f*** you, Debbie.

F*** you, Dylan.

F*** you, Dad.

F*** you... businessman. I'm sorry.

And, most of all, f*** you, Marnie.

Yep.

You never deserved me in the

first place, you evil little dwarf.

So f*** you all! Yep.

Sir. You need to take your seat.

We're pushing back.

Don't know if you just heard my speech,

but I need to get off this plane.

Well, if I reopen that cabin door,

that's a 25,000 dollar fine for you.

Twenty-five...?

What do you want to do?

Is there another seat I could take?

We're full. Now,

take your seat and buckle up.

Yep. OK.

Cabin crew, lock doors and cross-check.

Gonna be a long flight, eh, pirate?

What's going on?

What's the emergency?

- Molly, how are you doing?

- Fine.

No, I'm actually asking you.

How are you doing?

- You have photo ID, right?

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