She's the Man Page #3

Go, Viola.

High five. Nice.

Man. Look who's here.

Foxy mama.

Don't look at him.

Maybe he won't see us.

Spread out so it looks like

we got no room.

- What's up?

- What's up?

Go, Kia.

- Hey, Sebastian.

- Kia.

Hey, girl. How you doing, baby?

- Not the same without you.

- I know. I'm sorry.

New school, new babe pool.

I miss you, Sebastian.

I've been thinking about you a lot.

- Especially at night.

- Sweet.

- And late.

- Even better.

Did she just say that to Sebastian?

- What just happened?

- Oh, Sebastian.

OK, big, mournful sigh.

Bittersweet farewell.

You're his plaything, baby.

It was really great to see you,

Sebastian.

Call me anytime.

I'd tap that.

Thank you, Kia.

You're gorgeous. And go, Yvonne.

Women.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, you know what I'm saying?

Sebastian? Is that you?

Hey, what's going on, Yvonne?

- Who's this one?

- Nothing.

I mean, our school lost its top gun,

Sebastian Hastings.

Well, time comes for a man

to move along, Yvonne.

I know, Sebastian.

In the end I wasn't

woman enough for you.

No, you weren't.

That's something

I'll always have to live with.

- It just hurts, that's all.

- Love is pain.

Just know I'll never forget you,

Sebastian.

Ever! Never!

Needy.

OK. We might need

to do a little reevaluating here.

- Yeah.

- Hey there, pretty lady.

What? What are you, hitting on me?

- I was just...

- "I was just..."

OK, let me put a stop

to that little brain fart right now.

Girls with asses like mine do not talk

to boys with faces like yours.

I'm looking for my boyfriend Sebastian

Hastings. Have you guys seen him?

Sebastian?

Don't let her get too close,

she'll recognize you.

What am I gonna do?

- Keep away from me!

- I beg your pardon?!

Pretty ladies.

OK, don't come any closer, Monique.

- Sebastian!

- It's over!

What are you talking about?!

- I don't want to talk to you!

- Sebastian, come back here.

You're hot, Monique. Smoking hot.

Come here. Get! Get! Get!

- But there are plenty of hot girls.

- Come back here.

And the truth is, you have absolutely

nothing else to offer.

And when my eyes are closed,

I see you for what you truly are,

which is ugly! We're done!

That was amazing!

You the man!

What's wrong with you guys?

Make some room for the man.

Sit down!

You're officially my idol now, man.

There he is.

- What's up?

- What's up, brothers?

- Hey, Sebastian.

- Lovelies.

- Holler at your boy.

- Yo! Yo! Sebastian!

Can you get out of my way right now?

I need your advice. I got lady troubles.

I'm here for you, bro.

I got a lifetime of knowledge.

How long did you date?

Too long. Ball and frickin' chain, man.

Dude.

Justine.

Chick won't stop dogging me, man.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

She's in our class.

Dude, quit blushing. That's lame.

Shut up. I'm not blushing.

Everyone, please take a slip

and read off the name

of your lab partner.

"Eunice Bates."

You got to be kidding me.

- Be nice.

- Yeah.

She got something-something.

Yeah, asthma and headgear.

"Olivia Lennox."

- You know her?

- I talked to her for a second.

About what? She gave you the nod.

- She did a good one.

- She gives good nod.

Could everybody calm down?

I can't believe you got her

as a lab par... Switch with me.

I can't. I said her name out loud.

Some guys just walk in the light,

you know?

- Hello, again.

- Hello.

I don't think we introduced

ourselves before. I'm Sebastian.

Olivia.

I'm gonna be the best

lab partner you ever had.

Cool.

I gotta be completely honest.

The whole dissecting thing

kind of freaks me out.

So, think you may have

to take the reins on this one.

Wow. Most guys would never admit that.

Oh, crap, you're right.

No, don't worry.

I think it's refreshing.

- You do?

- No paper near the Bunsen burner.

- Wait.

- What's this? Poems?

Lyrics. They're his...

My... my old stuff.

"Wake up, I've been waiting for you."

Those are really good. So honest.

I know. I keep telling him...

me... meself... my... myself...

I write songs too, Olivia.

- Really? Wonderful.

- Check it out.

You, you sit.

You, go. Go!

- Did you say anything about me?

- No. Was I supposed to?

Come on. This is perfect.

You get to spend an hour

with her every other day.

You can convince her to go out with me.

She had that option

for three and a half years.

I'll tell you what. You do this,

I'll work with you on your soccer.

I'll make you good enough

to make first string.

- By the Cornwall game?

- Absolutely.

OK, yeah. You got a deal.

- You're the man.

- Yes, I am.

Right.

Oh, for the love of God! It burns!

It just isn't fair, Malvolio.

I wait three years for Olivia,

and then some transfer student comes in

and suddenly she's acting like some...

...obsessed, love-struck teenager.

I'm not gonna take that lying down,

Malvolio!

Yeah, I know. I know.

You're absolutely right.

I'll do some digging,

I'll find out what it is,

and I'll nip his chances

with Olivia right in the bud.

What's that? Oh, yeah, sure.

A walk. Sorry. Come on.

You are so smart.

Hello.

- Miss me?

- What's going on?

What's wrong with your voice?

I just have a little bit of a cold.

So... I'm still a little phlegmy.

- Call my school?

- Yeah.

It's all taken care of. Just make sure

you're back by the 12th.

It was so cool, Vi.

We went on a couple days early,

and the crowd flipped for us.

They wanted an encore, so we

did one of my songs acoustically.

- They went nuts for my lyrics.

- Oh, that's so cool.

And you were right about Monique.

She's history.

- She really is, isn't she?

- I got to go. I'll talk to you later.

OK. Bye.

Trouble with your wig, Hastings?

No, I actually...

I have a scalp condition.

- No, you don't.

- Yeah, I do.

I really do.

It's really acting up during the...

No, you don't.

You've got male pattern baldness.

Scoot over, kiddo.

I don't know if you've realized,

but recently I've started

to thin out myself.

I've tried all the creams

and the butters,

and I still can't seem to stop

Mother Nature's vindictive fury,

and neither can you.

There's gonna be a time

when you'll have to come out

of the closet and just

accept yourself for who you are.

A baldy. OK?

But it's gonna be all right. OK?

Oh, and between you and me,

chicks dig it.

Hang ten. Yeah.

Hi, Olivia. I don't want you

to be worried, but Malvolio's missing.

- Oh, no!

- Yeah.

If you see him, don't feed him.

He has an irritable bowel.

Yeah. 'Cause that

would be my very first instinct.

To feed the tarantula.

Here's a wild idea.

Have you ever thought

about going out with Duke Orsino?

I see that.

- Duke?

- Yeah.

- No.

- Yeah.

- No.

- Yeah.

- Yeah?

- No!

I mean,

he's good-looking and everything,

but he's just not the guy for me.

I don't know.

Think there may be more to him

than you think there is.

So you're telling me

he's not just another dumb jock

who wants to hook up with me so

he could tell his friends, but too?

- Insecure to treat you as an equal?

Rate this script:4.3 / 3 votes