She's the Man Page #4

- Exactly.

Tell me about it.

You're the first guy at school

who hasn't tried anything with me.

Trust me, you're not my type.

Well, why not?

You know, it's just...

...I don't think of you in that way.

We're friends, you know.

You're actually one

of the few people here

that I feel comfortable around.

I feel the same way about you.

Good. Then just take my advice.

Go out with Duke.

I'll consider it.

So, what is that exactly?

I think that's the spleen.

OK, who's your daddy?

I got her to agree to consider you.

You're halfway in.

All right, OK. So should I ask her out?

No. You don't want to freak her out.

You got to have

a casual conversation first. Hello.

Why do I get the feeling

you don't do this very often?

Man, I just...

I'm not really good at talking to girls.

- Why? You're hot!

- What?

You know, you're an appealing guy...

Man... guy... guy-man.

Look, I don't know.

I just always say the wrong...

I just always say the wrong thing.

OK. All right. Come on. Let's get up.

I want to try something. I'll act like

a girl, and you're going to talk to me.

Do I have to?

Yes! Because I'm Viola.

- Duke? Nice to meet you.

- That was creepy.

You really just sounded

like a girl just then.

I used to imitate

my sister all the time.

I got really good at it.

Come on. And get up!

Come on. Ask me some questions,

and if the chemistry's right,

things'll just start flowing.

- Questions about what?

- Anything. Ask me if...

...I like...

...cheese.

OK. Do you like cheese?

Why, yes I do. My favorite's Gouda.

- I like Gouda too.

- See?

- See what?

- We're flowing.

We're talking about cheese.

So what? Flow is flow.

What? What's that?

What is that?! It touched me!

It touched me!

It's Malcolm's tarantula! Get it!

- You get it!

- You're the guy!

The bigger guy.

Sorry!

You don't ever,

ever do that girl voice again!

- Freaked me out!

- My bad.

Sebastian, honey, this is your mother.

I'm calling to remind you

about the carnival tomorrow.

You and your sister promised

you'd both be there. Bye-bye.

Crap! Forgot about that!

- Wait, your mom's in Junior League?

- Yeah. How'd you know?

So is mine. I gotta go too.

I can't deal with this right now.

I have soccer to worry about.

Not gonna be that bad.

Olivia's gonna be there.

It's a perfect opportunity

for me to lay some groundwork.

Oh, Olivia's gonna be there.

And my sister.

And Monique. And you.

And my mom.

Great.

Dunk toss.

Hey, dude!

I will cut you, man.

I'll tell you the truth.

I never really liked carnivals.

Hey. I'm working the kissing booth.

Come see me.

I love carnivals, man.

- Hey, Duke, where you going?

- Where do you think I'm going?

- What's up?

- Oh, nothing.

Just my psycho ex.

I don't really wanna deal with her.

So if you guys don't mind,

I'm gonna lay low for a little while.

- Cool. Catch you later.

- OK.

Up you go!

I see a kitten...

...gasping for air.

Sorry. Pretty urgent.

It's all yours.

Hi, Mom!

You look like such a lady.

It's a miracle.

- It really is.

- So Monique's getting you

all excited about being a debutante?

Super-duper excited.

Have a good carnival.

My little petunia.

Where do you think you're going?

You have the next shift

at the kissing booth.

And your brother's late

for the cotton candy cart.

I'm gonna go look for him. Bye.

- Sorry.

- Excuse you.

- Wait, do I know you?

- No.

Excuse me.

Viola! Hey, hey, hey.

Where you been?

I've been calling and calling.

I miss you. We need to talk.

We've talked, Justin.

All the talking is done.

Look, no one breaks up

over a stupid soccer issue, OK?

Can you just be a girl for five seconds?

For five seconds?

OK, first of all,

it's not a stupid soccer issue,

and you're a jerk.

Oh, look at that! Time's up!

Excuse me. Sorry. One, please.

Stay in school.

Sebastian? Sebastian!

- Monique's behind me.

- Where are you going?

- We're on it.

- Sebastian!

Excuse me. No one over 8 years old

is allowed inside the Moon Bounce.

- I just saw my boyfriend go in there.

- The correct term is "ex-boyfriend."

No relationship is over

until I say it is. Understand?

You're still not getting

on that Moon Bounce.

Fine.

- What's that?

- Kia, don't look.

God!

- She's gone.

- Thank you.

- So are we having fun?

- Oh, yeah, definitely.

What do you think it will be like?

Duke, you look at me.

I know it's gonna

be really, really special.

I mean, she's only kissed

like 350 guys at this point.

I just think we need

to acknowledge the moment.

After four years, Duke

is finally gonna fulfill his destiny.

Life is good.

Life is fair. Life is just.

Hi, I'm your relief.

- And yet...

- Thank God.

I can't catch a break.

Beware of the old guy chewing gum.

It's not gum.

- Do I know you?

- No.

That's just my luck.

No. No, no, no.

I mean, I didn't mean it like that.

It's just, you know,

she's, you know... No. OK.

I mean, on the other hand,

you're, you know, also...

- I am? Thanks, I guess.

- Yeah.

You don't have to flirt with her first,

genius. You're paying for it.

Why don't you just... relax.

Maybe I should kiss you now.

I gave that girl my ticket,

and I waited in line.

Well, it's the least I can do.

OK. Here I go.

OK, I think that was one ticket's worth.

No, you get a little bit more.

Excuse me.

The motel's across the street.

- Viola, what the hell is this?!

- Back of the line, buttball.

Excuse me, doofus.

You're making out with my girlfriend.

Ex-girlfriend.

Whoa, you're Sebastian's sister?

And you're about to die.

Are you gonna drown me in your tears?

I did not cry.

I had something in my eye.

You know what, guys?

Can we just dial it down?

And just step away, OK?

She's right.

I'll see you on the soccer field,

and we'll settle this all then.

OK, Duke.

Or we can straighten it out right here.

Justin! Stop it! Guys!

Stop it! Justin!

Guys! Stop it!

Justin, get off!

Where's my daughter?!

Excuse me. I'm so sorry.

Viola! Stop! This isn't ladylike.

There is no room for violence here!

This is a lovely children's carnival,

goddamn it!

Both of you, out! Now!

Where were you at today?

You just disappeared.

Ran into my psycho ex. Had to bolt.

Oh, my God! Is that a?

What? Yeah.

I hope you don't mind.

I kind of borrowed one of your...

Yeah. And you're right, by the way.

These things actually work.

Oh, my God, you're bleeding.

Are you OK?

I mean, suck it up! Be a man!

Rub some dirt in it!

OK, I'll rub some dirt on it.

So, what happened?

I got into it with your sister's ex.

Wait. Really? Why?

He saw me and her kind of

making out at the kissing booth.

Wait. You kissed her?

Yeah, man, I'm... I hope that's OK.

It was for charity.

Oh, no, I mean, dude, I mean,

if you want to kiss her,

you go right ahead and you kiss her!

I mean, knock yourself out.

I mean, you just...

you take her and then kiss her

and kiss the crap out of her!

OK.

So...

...do you like her?

I don't know.

Can we not talk about this?

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