She's the Man Page #5

She's your sister. It's kind of weird.

No. Right. Right.

Just... You know,

I was just thinking that,

if you liked her then...

...maybe you should ask her out.

And just, I don't know,

forget about Olivia?

Well, I mean,

speaking as a completely objective

third-party outsider with absolutely

no personal interest in the matter,

I am not sure that you and Olivia

really mesh well together.

You know? I mean...

But you and Viola...

...I mean...

...be magic.

I don't know.

What does your heart tell you?

I mean, which one would you

rather see naked?!

Why do you? Why?

Why do you always do that?

Why do you always talk about girls

in such graphic terms?

You know what? You... you have issues.

You're a really sensitive guy,

aren't you?

What? No. No, it's just...

I don't know. I just think that

relationships should be more

than just the physical stuff.

Don't get me wrong,

that stuff's important,

but when I'm with someone,

I want to be able

to talk about other stuff.

Like, I don't know, serious stuff.

Stuff I can't talk about,

you know, with anyone else.

Yeah, like...

...what kind of stuff?

I don't know, just stuff.

Like, whatever stuff there is.

Like... this kind of stuff?

Yeah.

But what I just told you

is for your ears only.

If you tell anyone, I'll kick your ass.

Yeah. No.

I got your back, man.

It's cool.

How's your sister?

Good. Why?

I don't know.

I kind of was thinking

I might ask if she wanted

to grab dinner at Cesario's tonight.

You were? Really? I'd love to.

What?

I'd love to give her your phone number.

Hastings!

Yeah, coach?

You're first string

for the Cornwall game.

- Really?

- No.

I was joking, you idiot.

Dude, that's awesome.

Dude.

- So, you want me to spot you?

- No.

- Isn't he cute?

- Duke? Yeah.

No. Sebastian. He's so cool.

But he said I'm not his type.

- Impossible. You're everyone's type.

- Not his.

I could tell you what us mere mortals

would do in this situation.

- What?

- Make him jealous.

So, what do you do?

You just pretend to like somebody else?

And then use him shamelessly.

Wow.

So, you should call Viola up.

Yeah. I think I will.

Hey, Duke.

- Sebastian.

- Olivia.

Olivia.

What're you bench-pressing these days?

225. Very impressive.

Thanks.

So, Duke, about that call

that you were gonna make.

- You gonna make that?

- Yeah. Thank you.

So how many reps

can you do with that 225?

Like 20... 20.

225 is more than twice what I weigh.

How many reps could you do with me?

Forty.

Hello?

Hi, it's Viola.

Sebastian told me to call you.

- I'd love to go to dinner.

- Yeah. What?

Can I call you back?

Because I gotta...

...change my feet.

So, do you have any plans tonight?

My bad.

What about the thing that we talked

about that you were going to do later?

What thing? I'm thingless.

Great! Then it's a date.

Cesario's, 8:
00.

- I'll see you there.

- OK.

- Bye, Sebastian.

- Later.

Yeah!

You did it.

I'm goin' out with Olivia.

What the hell?!

I thought you liked Viola now!

Dude, come on. You're a guy.

What would you do

if the hottest girl in the school

came up to you

and asked you on a date?

I'll be right back.

Olivia? Hi.

Can I talk to you for a second?

Moi? Whatever for?

It's about your date with Duke.

I know! I am so glad I listened to you.

You're right. He's awesome.

And he looked so good

in those shorts.

He's not a piece of meat, Olivia.

He's a man. A man with feelings.

And I'm a woman with feelings.

And my feelings seem to match his.

You know what?

Speaking as a completely objective

third-party observer

with absolutely

no personal interest in the matter,

I'm not so sure that you

and Duke are a good idea after all.

Well, thank you for your concern.

And if you're so worried, maybe

you should come to Cesario's tonight,

just to keep an eye on me.

We could double.

I bet Eunice is available.

I'm so there, it's insane.

So do you like... cheese?

- Hey, you two, what's going on?

- You're here...

...with Eunice.

Mind if we join?

- No. Sit down.

- No, no, no.

Lady pterodactyl.

Waiter!

Help.

So...

...I was just telling Duke

how great it is

to meet a real man at this school.

You were?

Well, I was just about to.

Isn't it great to have

a real man around, Eunice?

Oh, yes.

A real man is difficult to find.

So difficult.

Sebastian's with Eunice.

She must be hotter than I thought.

How come when I wanted

to ask out Eunice everyone made fun?

Sebastian likes her,

suddenly she's cool?

Screw you guys. I hate high school.

Eunice! Hands!

You know what? This has been real fun,

but I have to go...

...shave.

OK.

Well, this has been lovely.

Let's do it again sometime.

- What?

- Soon. Bye.

So...

...do you like cheese?

More than almost

any other animal byproduct.

Yeah, check please.

Hey Monique, it's Sebastian.

I don't know

if Viola told you I'm in London,

but I'm heading home a day early.

Listen, I've been thinking,

and we really need to talk.

Ladies...

Ladies...

Ladies.

Welcome.

My name is Cheryl Lancaster,

president of the Stratford Junior League

and coordinator

of this year's debutante season.

Oh, please.

Thank you. Today we're

gonna go over the guidelines

for a graceful,

ladylike entre into society.

Son of a...

Hello.

Hello there.

- Hi.

- Make sure she's in the back

for the group photo.

Thank you for joining us, Viola.

Now, who's ready to come out?

Kill me.

Viola? Darling.

Remember, chew like you have a secret.

Excuse me.

Ladies.

- Hi.

- Hey.

Hey! You're the one that saved me

in the kissing booth that one time?

- Hi.

- Hi.

Oh, what a small world. I'm Viola.

Olivia.

- Nice to meet you.

- You too.

So...

I know it's none of my business,

but you went out

with that Duke Orsino guy, right?

Yeah. Once.

- Did you kiss him?

- No, why?

Oh, no. It's nothing, but...

Just try to postpone it

as long as possible.

He has this salivary gland condition.

Yeah. He doesn't

really like to talk about it,

but it felt like I was drowning.

Really?

- Oh, my God.

- I know. It was repulsive.

But, hey, every happiness to you both.

No, actually, I don't really like Duke.

I have this huge thing

for his roommate, Sebastian.

And I was just trying

to make Sebastian jealous.

Oh, boy.

Yeah, I know it's really wrong

to use a person this way,

and I feel really terrible about it.

But I really, really like Sebastian.

He's so handsome,

not the goonish handsome

you see in a lot of guys.

He's a delicate, like,

even refined handsome, you know?

Oh, and when he smiles,

I just can't stop looking at him.

He's just so wonderful.

You know, Olivia...

- It's Olivia, right?

- Yeah.

I'm gonna give you just a little advice.

- OK.

- Enough is enough!

You are weaving a really tangled web.

Like really, really tangled.

And, honey... you got to stop!

OK? So you just

gotta tell everybody the truth.

Be very, very honest.

Just let the chips fall where they may.

- You're right.

- I know.

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