She's the Man Page #7

Folks.

I'm a boy. I promise.

- Prove it.

- OK.

God! I saw it.

Nice work, Paul. Wow.

That's my boy.

Kevin, close your eyes.

Soccer is the world's favorite sport.

Thank you. Thank you.

Nothing to see here. No offense.

Folks, please, hang on for one second.

Just talk amongst yourselves

for a second.

Malcolm!

Can you shed some light

on the current situation?

Not any more

than has already been shed, sir.

OK, lads, listen up now.

Now that we've established this boy...

...is a boy...

...is it possible

we can get back to our game?

Yes. Enjoy. That was a skit we...

OK. Yes.

Let's get to it, guys. Come on.

- I know, let's play.

- Waste of time.

Baby. Baby, baby, baby.

I have missed you so much.

Oh, my God, we are both so dead.

We're over, Monique. Done.

God! Not again!

Good work, Hastings.

Bench.

Good one!

Halftime, gentlemen.

Sebastian!

- Vi?

- Yes.

Why do you look like me?!

I pretended to be you

the last two weeks

to prove I could play

in the boys soccer team.

- Yes.

- OK. OK, cool.

- No, wait! What?!

- I don't have time to explain!

Why are you wearing my uniform?

I came to find the girl

that kissed me last night.

- Who kissed you? What girl?

- Check it out. That one.

Olivia?

She was all over me. She kissed me

and recited my own lyrics.

Vi, this may be the girl of my dreams.

That's the kiss that Duke saw.

Wait, are those real?

Yeah. I'm growing sideburns.

No! Please stay hidden

until the end of the game.

And give me my uniform back right now!

We start the second half.

Illyria, zero, Cornwall, zero.

Nothing but a couple of goose eggs.

- Coach, I'm ready to play.

- Is that what you call it?

I've seen little girls in tutus

kick the ball better.

I've changed.

Come on, coach,

give me one more chance.

All right. Go.

Kick. Kill!

Yeah! Now that's Viola!

You couldn't score on me

in the first half.

You ain't going to score on me this

half, baby! I'm ninja! Ninja goalie!

Come on, guys!

Duke! Duke! I'm open!

Give me the ball! Duke! Hey, over here!

I'm open!

Duke! Get back! Get back!

No!

Yes, Dan-O, way to go, baby!

Cornwall's right back in it with a goal.

- What's the matter?! Sebastian's open!

- Rather lose the goal?!

Shut up, man.

Duke, I know you're mad at me.

Don't talk to me. Get out of my face!

Nothing is going on with me and Olivia!

When the game is over I'll explain!

For right now, you don't have

to like me, but I'm your teammate, OK?!

I want to beat these guys!

I have to beat these guys!

If we're not disturbing you,

we have a soccer game to finish.

Get back in the net, man.

Or you'll hit my fist

with your face again?

Do you want to see me do it? Let's go!

Duke, come on. Stop it.

- Come on!

- Duke, stop it.

Sebastian!

Duke! Stop it!

Come on!

OK!

Stop it! Oh, my God!

If you want to roughhouse,

take it at least 500 yards

- away from the stadium grounds.

- Break it up! Break it up!

OK, tough guys.

You want to box?

You get out of my stadium.

Otherwise, get on with the game.

Come on, now, Armadillos of Illyria.

That goes for the rest of you!

Now get on

and play some real football!

- Like a bunch of girls.

- OK.

The rest of you, let's play some

real football like a bunch of girls.

- All right?

- You suck!

It's not football, it's soccer.

That's what we call it in the States.

- Sebastian! Are you OK?

- No, Olivia, Not now.

Try to tell me again

there's nothing going on.

There is nothing going on!

- What about last night?

- I didn't lie to you, Duke.

I did, but not about this.

Here's the truth.

I love you.

I beg your pardon?

What? All right... What're you?

That's just a little weird.

OK, you know what?

I can't do this anymore.

Everybody, I have something to tell you.

I'm not Sebastian.

I'm Viola.

Wait. You're not Viola.

- Yes, I am.

- No, I know Viola.

- I... I kissed Viola.

- You kissed me.

What are you talking about?

I didn't kiss you.

The girls team at Cornwall got cut.

The guys wouldn't let me

go out for their team.

So I've been pretending

to be my brother

while he was in London

for the past two weeks...

...so I could make the team

and beat Cornwall.

But my brother came home early.

And that's who you saw kissing Olivia

and that's who played the first half.

Because you wear a wig

doesn't prove you're a girl.

OK, then.

Merciful Jesus.

Yeah!

- Viola?!

- Is it just me

or this soccer game

have more nudity than most?

All right, so everybody understand?

- Yeah. I get it.

- OK.

Wait a minute. If I kissed your brother,

where is he?

Probably halfway to China. He

showed his willis and doodleberries...

- Present.

- Hi.

What the?

OK, this is freaking me out.

Ladies and gentlemen, I hate

to say "I told you so," but I just...

See, Duke? I didn't betray you.

I'm sorry.

This isn't how I wanted it to happen,

and I didn't want to hurt you.

But I just wanted to prove

that I was good enough.

All I'm asking for is a chance.

Duke?

It's just like what coach says

before every game:

"Be not afraid of greatness.

Some are born great.

Some achieve greatness.

And some have greatness

thrust upon them."

I think the best chance for us to be

great here today is to have you play.

- Yeah!

- All right!

Yeah! Yeah! No!

No playing!

You have to forfeit.

There's no girls in this league.

Look in the manual.

What manual?

Listen, pal. You're in Illyria.

We don't discriminate based on gender.

All right.

That's gonna bruise.

Fine. You really think you can beat us

with a girl on your team?

This should be fun.

Go.

I get to say the last word, not you. Go.

OK, team...

...let's go kick! Kill!

- Yeah!

Come on! Come on!

Well, folks, this is a real nail-biter.

It's a tie score at the bottom

of the second half.

Come on, come on! Open up!

What?

Foul? That's not a foul!

He got all ball!

And the penalty kick

will decide the game.

Where you gonna kick it? Right here?

I know you're gonna kick it there.

Am I in your head? Am I in your head?

You see the goal? It's getting

smaller and I'm getting bigger.

Come on.

I love you.

Concentrate. Don't kick like a girl.

Guys are better. It's not gonna happen.

You're a loser! This is my house!

You're pathetic! I'm in your head.

Yeah!

- That's my girl!

- Mine too!

It's not fair! It's not fair!

That was a lucky shot!

I never wanna see you again! You suck!

- You did it, Vi!

- You were so awesome!

- I am so proud of you.

- It's over.

You scored the game-winning goal.

Say something.

Mom? Dad?

- That was really something.

- Thanks, Dad.

- You did all this to play soccer?

- I told you, it's important to me.

If Viola was here pretending to be you,

- where were you?

- Oh, he was...

I was in London playing my music.

- London?

- It was important to me.

- You should call before you...

- How did you?

Mom, Dad... Hey!

Why don't we go to dinner? As a family?

- Maybe tomorrow?

- I suppose I could fit that in.

Would you like

Rate this script:4.3 / 3 votes