She's the One Page #2

I'm wondering

why you actually didn't become one.

So am I.

You don't know your brother.

He's actually very romantic.

I don't think we need

to go there right now.

No, let's go there.

By all means.

Mr. Romantic, Mr. Summer Breeze,

all about the love.

But what would I know? I'm just

the brother who wasn't the best man.

You'll have to get over this.

Nothing to get over, hon.

I'm thrilled.

Congratulations, romance is wonderful,

we love it.

Brightens the day. Just remember...

...it don't pay the rent. Okay?

Is he okay?

Yeah, he'll live.

It's right here.

This is the honeymoon suite, huh?

What's going on? Is she an illegal?

Pregnant?

Maybe an illegal.

She could be from the islands.

I was thinking the same thing.

I'm concerned for him, Francis.

- You think it'll last?

- No shot. You kidding me?

Poor kid.

Never used up here.

Always used in here.

Just like your mother.

I can't believe he did it without me.

I should've been his best man.

He was my best man.

It's bad luck to have a wedding

without one.

Jesus, you're not crying, are you,

Francis?

I'm not interested in what they say.

I want you to do what you're told.

When you have, call me...

No. Have Ryan call me.

I have Miss Davis on the phone.

Put her through.

Heather?

The office said you called in sick.

I called the apartment, nobody.

- You all right?

- I'm fine.

- How's work?

- Fine.

- Where are you?

- I'm at Papa 's.

Who the hell is Papa?

Come on, you know my friend Papa.

You mean Carl...

...the old guy.

We agreed to call him...

..."Carl, the diaper-wearing

geriatric. " Why are you there?

I slept over here last night,

with him.

You mean you slept with him, as in...

...had actual sexual intercourse

with this animal?

- Amongst other things.

- That's not funny.

He's older than your father!

Francis, my father's dead.

My point exactly, thanks.

This is very upsetting.

It's extremely important...

...that I see you now so I can

show you the error of your ways.

He'll be gone all day long.

You could come to his place

if you want.

I'm afraid I still have my pride,

darling.

I won't meet you

at this old f***er's place.

I guess you won't

see me today then, will you?

Okay.

What's the address?

Well, I hope that

cleared things up for you.

What?

Excuse me.

Don't tell me sex with Grandpa

was better than with me.

You're not in competition with him,

Francis.

Besides, one wasn't better

than the other, just different.

They better damn well be different.

He can't control his bladder

and wears diapers...

...and I'm a young stallion

in my prime.

- How different?

- Just different.

- Forget I said anything.

- No, no. Elaborate.

It might be enlightening

to understand how...

...sex might be different

with a fossil.

Okay, but don't get mad, all right?

I faked my orgasm with you.

So?

I didn't have to with Papa.

I got you.

Don't be mad.

You wanted to know.

No, I really didn't.

Don't pull this jealous bullshit

with me.

I can sleep with whomever I want.

I'm not the one that's married.

You are.

You really had an orgasm?

Pardon my asking, Tom,

but how old are you?

Sixty-eight.

I was wondering, more out of

curiosity than anything...

...if a guy your age...

...can still...

...have sex?

Only when the wife gives me the okay.

So you can still perform, then,

if she says so?

Sure! In fact, she says I'm better

now than when I was in my 20s.

Great.

That's terrific, Tom.

This apartment of ours,

how long have you lived there?

Almost two years. Isn't it great?

It is. It's a little small, though.

- But it's cozy.

- Cozy.

It's funny, when I took a shower...

...there was no hot water.

I wasn't too cozy.

Oh, we never have

hot water on weekends.

Really?

There's a big hole

in the bathroom ceiling.

This morning I had a nice view

up some guy's boxer shorts.

- It was nice.

- That's Jim. He's a good guy.

Jim's a good guy? Good.

If I'm gonna see his pecker every

morning he may as well be.

I better go. This is where I work.

Yeah, right here?

It looks like it might get

a little chilly in there...

...since you're practically naked.

I could run home and get you

a nice big down jacket...

...or a sweat suit or something.

It might help.

I don't think so. I'll see you later.

- All right. Take it easy.

- Bye.

Hey, babe, what's up?

- Was that him?

- Cute, huh?

I thought he kind of looked

like a jerk.

Thanks, Con, that's sweet.

No, I'm sorry.

I mean, he's probably...

...he's probably

a really, really nice guy.

I don't know.

- Did you have to marry him?

- Absolutely.

So you'll go to Paris with him

instead of me.

Well, we really haven't

discussed that yet, but...

It's good to be up-front and honest

at the start of the relationship.

I've known him a week. I haven't told

him my life story, all right?

I understand.

It'll be interesting to see...

...how a cabby from Brooklyn

feels about moving to Paris.

He'll probably be fine with it.

No big deal.

He'll just move with you.

It'll never last. Nightmare

when they get to know each other.

Maybe they were made for each other.

Those things can happen.

Carol and I met here

at the Beach Club in 1963.

- Right.

- A Friday morning.

By Saturday, I had her in the dunes.

Jesus, Ron! They don't want to hear

all the details.

- Come on.

- We've been together ever since.

All right! Enough about the dunes.

Franny, how's Wall Street?

- Things are good.

- Things are good?

Making half a mil a year at 25,

things are better than good.

Hate to spoil the illusion,

but I don't make that much.

Do me a favor.

Don't bullshit a bullshitter, okay?

Your favorite in-law hasn't

had a nice inside tip in a while.

When you gonna set me up

with one of your rich friends?

Excuse me, guys, my husband

has some ethics.

He's not some sort of

cheating sleazebag. Right, babe?

- Don't you share the wealth anymore?

- It's not all he won't share.

- Mom, please?

- Getting greedy in your old age, Fran?

It's nice to see you guys on weekends.

We should do it more often.

Honey!

Don't get sarcastic on us, young lady.

We're your parents.

You're in no position to approve

or disapprove of us.

- Understand?

- He's right.

Really? My analyst will have a field

day with that bit of psychosis.

If you two lunatics will excuse me,

I'm going to play tennis.

Her analyst?

Don't ask.

MacroCom.

I'll call you Monday.

Hey, babe. Gotta go to work now.

Okay. You love me?

Yeah, yeah, of course I do.

Good. Because I love you.

- Bye.

- All right, take care.

Thanks a lot.

75th and Madison, please.

75th and Madison,

that's a pretty swanky address.

Excuse me?

My God. Mickey?

What are you doing?

I'm in shock, is what I'm doing.

What are you doing?

I'm going home.

What about you? How you been?

I been good.

Good.

- Everything's all right?

- Everything's fine.

What about you?

Look like you're finally

making some decent money.

I'm still on Wall Street.

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