She's the One Page #5

You haven't fully evolved yet.

Mick, come on, you almost

married this woman...

...then you go up to be alone

in her apartment to "get a TV. "

I don't buy it.

Do you want to hear that I had sex

with her? Would that make you happy?

All right, yeah. I did her.

On the kitchen table, the couch,

and on the TV. It was beautiful.

- You'd be proud.

- Play all the games you want...

...but I'm a man.

I know what I know.

Oh, you know what you know.

Franny, I don't need this sh*t

from you.

I don't need you to come over

and bust my hump.

Do me a favor and get

the hell out of here, okay?

Sure, I'll do you that favor.

Don't hurry back, all right?

F***!

I'm sorry, Mick.

I feel so guilty about

this f***ing divorce.

I shouldn't feel guilty, right?

No, no, you shouldn't.

You should feel guilty about f***ing

that other woman the last six months.

You should feel guilty about that.

Tom, if you were single, would you

date your brother's ex-girlfriend?

I don't have a brother,

Mr. Fitzpatrick.

But if you did, is that off-limits?

I'd have to say that only

the lowest of the low...

...a real scumbag would date

his brother's ex.

There's a code between siblings.

Thanks, Tom.

Thanks.

She's beautiful, isn't she?

Yeah. Yeah, she really is.

She got her acceptance letter today.

Yeah, I know she got accepted.

You better go with her to Paris.

You broke my heart...

...when you swept her off her feet.

I won't let any man hurt her again.

How did I manage to break your heart?

I met you 5 minutes ago.

My heart belongs to Hope.

I love her.

- You love her?

- Yeah.

Do you have some sort of

special relationship...

...I should be aware of,

seeing as I'm married to her?

- She didn't tell you about that?

- No. She forgot to mention it.

Oh, no, nothing like that.

Nothing sexual or anything.

Good. That's a good thing.

But, who knows? I mean, maybe one

day, if I'm lucky...

...you'll let me share her with you.

Yeah. Your friend, Connie, here,

she claims you guys...

...have some special relationship

or something.

- Did she ask if you'd share me?

- Yeah, she asked about that.

What do you think of that?

Well, to be perfectly honest,

the idea of two women at once...

...seems like a pleasant way

to spend an evening.

But not if one of the girls

is my wife.

And I don't want to do it

with anyone else, so, yeah. No.

You better not do it

with anyone else.

But you and her,

you guys actually never...

...consummated, you know,

this love that she speaks of?

No.

It does paint a pretty mental picture.

I hear it's very popular in Paris.

Mnage trois, it's French?

Yeah. Don't get too smart

there, funny man.

So, you gonna come?

To Paris?

I don't know. You're serious about

going through with this?

Yep.

Yeah, well, then I guess

I gotta go, right?

I guess so.

So you're really gonna move to Paris?

- Yeah, I guess it looks that way.

- Wow!

Bet you didn't count on that

when you met her.

I don't know, Fran. I'm starting to

feel confused about this thing.

Are you kidding me?

You know, it's like I don't even

know this girl.

She's got weird friends,

she loves the dump we live in...

...and suddenly she brings up

this moving-to-Paris thing.

You remember our discussion about

when I went to Heather's?

Yeah.

That's got me freaked out too.

Part of me wanted to hate her...

...and part of me wanted to...

There was a weird connection.

We almost got married.

Mick, come clean. You f***ed her.

Don't start, okay?

You're talking about a weird

connection here.

- You still in love with her?

- It's nothing like that.

But what? Did she say

she's in love with you?

No, it was just weird seeing

her again, that's all.

But it was nothing. Forget I said it.

Yeah, I can meet you there.

46th and 8th. All right.

Nice spot you picked here.

Yeah, you know, I figured it was safe.

Don't flatter yourself.

I'm here to talk.

Why don't we talk?

I was thinking of how I

treated you a few weeks ago...

...and I just wanted to apologize

for that, and for that night.

Yeah, well, it was a long

time ago, right?

It happens.

So, you think we can be friends?

Yeah, sure, we can be friends.

And I'm sorry too, about

bringing up the whole...

...college-tuition-payment-plan thing,

you know?

It's sort of fun seeing one another

again, don't you think?

I mean, I don't know

if I'd call it fun...

...but it's certainly interesting.

I've been thinking a lot about you

since you came up that day.

I don't know. I was thinking maybe

things could have been different.

- Maybe we made a mistake.

- We?

I just came home to find you and

gorilla boy in your birthday suits.

Okay, so I made the mistake.

Did you have to run off like that?

- Never to be heard from again?

- Yeah.

What'd you expect me to do,

join the party?

No.

I don't know.

Maybe give it another chance?

And break up this beautiful

new friendship?

I'm not about to do that.

Besides, you know, I'm...

I'm married now.

You know? So...

I'm gonna get out of here.

Bye.

Your mom said he gives you

that "down cycle" nonsense.

In 32 years of marriage, we've not hit

a down day, let alone a down cycle.

- Mom, make him go away.

- Really, that is disgusting.

- What's disgusting? That's true love.

- Please, spare us.

Fine. I know when I'm not wanted.

Good. And could we not talk about

my sex life anymore?

Excuse me, but playing

with a vibrator...

...does not qualify as a sex life.

- Why does she know that?

- She's your sister.

Honey, maybe you should take him

to see a doctor.

No, it could be physical.

- Maybe he has a problem with his...

- What kind of problem?

- You know, getting an erection.

- Mom, I'm warning you.

- It's possible.

- Maybe he's gay.

Francis is not gay.

- Molly's right.

- He could be.

He's always been a bit of a dandy.

It's my husband we're

talking about, okay?

Listen, honey. Get that Victoria's

Secret stuff. It worked for us.

If he doesn't want you then,

maybe he is gay.

Dad, look, okay?

My husband is not a homosexual.

But he's definitely under suspicion.

What do you mean, "under suspicion"?

No, this is just a stage.

I looked pretty good in that thing,

and he barely looked at me.

What did I tell you?

He's definitely queer.

You know, I think you might be right.

Call his father and tell him.

He'll get it out of him.

- So, are you?

- Dad, I'm in love with another woman.

How could you say that to me?

I'm just telling you I'm okay with it.

If you are or you aren't.

It's okay.

I'll always love you.

Thanks, Dad, but I'm not gay.

- What do you think?

- Hell, I don't know.

Renee's story sure sounds like he

could be. He says he isn't.

You kids are nuts.

I wouldn't be surprised.

Don't worry. If anybody would know,

I would. He's not gay.

He wears cologne, for chrissake.

Get out of here.

Come on, you're prissy. You like

cooking, clothing and furniture...

...and you wear that frigging cologne.

That's brilliant. That makes me gay?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes