Slap Her... She's French Page #2

For a time I did,

but it took away

my appetite

and made me drop

the weight like flies.

And?

and?

See you.

Those two are real sweet,

but they're big sluts.

Starla.

Hey, stud.

Hey...studette.

Mmm...

Mmm...a-1.

Genevieve leplouff,

this is my boyfriend,

Kyle Fuller.

Hello.

mmm...

Never before

have I seen a man

with such, uh...

Um...Big meat.

[Gulp]

Um, Kyle's

class president,

and he's been

quarterback

of the splendona

high longhorns

when I first became

head cheerleader.

Naturally,

we started dating.

It was destiny.

Mmm...

Oh, how romantic.

Hey, you two

want some meat?

Uh...

Maybe later, sweetie.

Ok.

[Kissing loudly]

If you don't

eat meat around here,

people look at you as if

you're some kind of foreigner.

Oh, sorry.

Here I am giving makeovers

at an old folks' home.

Oh, and this is me

winning the beef pageant.

Oh, and this is me

and a little

humane society puppy

that totally puked

all over my new suede jacket

I swear, I wanted to put

that damn dog in the microwave.

In America,

if you want to be famous,

you have to care

about charities and stuff.

It makes people

not hate you.

Which reminds me...

These are

some old clothes

I'm giving to the...

Something thrift store,

either for breast cancer

or burn victims.

What is this?

Oh, it's a checklist--

50 steps to become

abc's $6-million woman

and host of

good morning, America.

What's the junior

anchorperson competition?

Oh, it's, like,

a contest

where everyone

picks a subject

and then makes

a video about it.

Mine's about

missing children.

My mama got it made at

a professional news studio.

Is that allowed?

Well, that's how they do it

in the big-time.

You think Katie Couric

cuts her own?

When I win,

I'm gonna use

the college

scholarship

and then it's just

a hop, skip, and a jump

to doing TV weather,

working for George or Jeb--

whoever's president

at the time--

and then

going national.

Oh, starla, your life

is so formidable,

so puissante, so chic.

Welcome to my world.

[Engine starts]

[Tires squealing]

There is no map,

there are no signs

we're on our way,

we're crossing lines

strap on your boots,

go pack your bags

no time to rest,

no time to lag

and you know

everyone here

has been invited to go

whoa-oh

and you know,

we're on our way

into the unknown

You are amazing.

It's my job to be

amazing, Genevieve,

and I take that job

very seriously.

Oh, here. Let me

carry your books.

Hey, starla.

You look great.

Hey, starla.

What's up?

It's very important

to maintain good relations

with your public.

Ashley, Tanner!

It's ok.

It's French.

Oh.

oh.

Hey, isle of lesbo

off the starboard bow.

Hey, Doreen, what

an interesting perfume.

What is that? C.K. Spam?

[Girls laughing]

Hey, beef queen.

What do you want, ed?

Let's see...

In a word, community.

And to meet

the secret weapon

that bagged

your latest crown.

Hey, leave her alone, ed.

She's new to this country.

Hi. ed Mitchell.

Oh. Genevieve leplouff.

Come on.

You can watch me

wait. you're gonna pass up

a photo op, huh?

That's right.

Front page of the school paper.

"Beef queen hosts

foreign exchange student,"

et cetera, et cetera,

ad vomitosis.

But...with

a big, fat picture.

[Sighs]

what a bore.

Well, it would be

a great way

for people to learn

about Genevieve.

So generous.

I'm touched.

So, come on. Let's see

a big, meaty smile, huh?

Bite me, you big

Manhattan poser.

I'm from Albany.

Can we shoot this puppy

while I'm still young?

No, come on. I want

Genevieve in this, too.

Oh, right.

Come on.

Oh, no. It's...

No. come on.

Ok. can you say

fromage?

Un, deux, trois...

Oh!

oh, I'm sorry.

I am so clumsy.

Je suis desol.

Not to worry.

We'll just take another.

Just think of the camera

as a mirror,

and you're smiling

at yourself.

Ok.

Ok, let's try again.

In 3, 2...

Good morning,

splendona high.

This is starla Grady

with the morning news.

Principal mcfarland

wishes everyone to note

that rumors

of a botulism outbreak

in the school cafeteria

are highly exaggerated.

"The tuna casserole is

just as fresh this week

as it was last week."

[Students laughing]

And now...

Global news roundup.

Israeli-palestinian peace talks

broke down again yesterday

without any progress

towards a compromise.

Ugh. something disgusting

happened in Africa...Again.

And on a more local note,

remember, all you longhorns,

the big game against farmerville

is Friday night at 8:00.

And that's pretty much

the size of it.

So from all of us here

at k-long,

this is

starla Grady saying...

Can't we all just get along?

Girl:
and we're out.

Thank you, starla.

Great.

Good job.

Thank you.

Hmph.

Wow.

Now, y'all should have read

throuchapitre dix

of madame bovary

in the original French.

[Slam]

To te...

To...to...2 te--tes...

To test

our comprehension, um...

Can someone summarize for me

flaubert's thesis?

Anyone?

Oui. starla.

Will this be on the final?

En franais,

s'il vous plait.

Will this be on

la finale?

[Laughter]

Yes.

[Bell rings]

Saved by la belle.

Girl:
5, 6, 7, 8.

Kimmy sue:
You call

yourselves hornettes?

I've seen better kicks

from pregnant women!

Oh, come on!

Hey, Genevieve.

Oh, Kyle.

Bonjour.

I was just

watching starla.

She really knows how

to spread her legs.

Uh...to kick.

She knows

how to kick.

It must be nice

to have

a girl like that

stuck on your body--

your arm. Uh...

Stuck on your arm.

Ha. my english

is not so good.

What I mean

to say is, um...

I'm very happy

to know starla...

And you.

Inside of me,

I'm very, very warm.

[Gulp]

7, 8, and foot, and back,

announcer:

ladies and gentlemen,

splendona high's marching band

and the hornettes!

Let's move!

Let's move!

Let's move!

Let's move!

Let's move!

Let's hear it

for the hornettes...

And their captain,

starla Grady.

[Cheering and applause]

Mrs. Grady,

you must be so proud.

Oh, yes, we are.

We're very proud.

Will you hand mama

a fresh iced tea, please?

Starla:

excuse me.

Thank you.

So, what did you think?

Oh, it is

so exciting.

I've never

before seen

the American

football.

Oh, right, the game.

But what did you

think of me?

Ah, tu

es splendide.

Une apparition en voyage

au ciel sur un nuage.

I'm sure that means

something real sweet.

Thank you.

Announcer:
we've got one heck

of a battle going on here.

Splendona and farmerville

locked in a 14-14 tie.

On one. Spread out

left on one.

Quarterback Kyle Fuller,

number 8,

leads his longhorns

to the 38 yard line,

she clings to me

like cellophane

fake plastic submarine

slowly driving me insane

but now that's over

so what

if the sex was great?

Just a temporary escape

another thing

i grew to hate

but now that's over

why do you always kick me

when I'm...

Knock me down

till we see eye to eye

figured her out

I know she may not be

miss right

but she'll do right now

Announcer:

still trailing by 2 points

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