Slap Her... She's French Page #3

with just 10 seconds

left in the game.

Kyle Fuller's gonna need

to conjure up

some powerful magic

this time.

Option right on 2.

Grrr!

Ready! break!

Blue 21!

Ready!

Hut! hut!

[Cheering]

Announcer:
touchdown!

Splendona wins!

The longhorns win!

Kyle Fuller did it again!

[Screaming]

Yeah!

Yeah! yeah! Yes!

Yeah!

[Screaming]

Starla:
it doesn't

get better than this.

If only I'd seen

the writing on the wall.

I just didn't know

it was in French.

So, Genevieve,

how do you like Texas?

Ah, Mrs. Grady,

I'm loving it.

It is all

so beautiful.

As beautiful

as France?

For me, France

will always be filled

with the stench

of death.

Yeah, we get that

here, too,

when the wind

is out of the southeast.

Honey, bring me

a Margarita.

Last summer,

i fell in love

with a boy

from marseilles--

Jean-Marie.

Jean-Marie

was a gypsy,

and he had

the soul of a poet.

By day, we would run

through the fields of lilac,

and at night,

he would caress my face

under the French moon.

Ooh la la.

Our love was pure,

but papa,

he hated Jean-Marie.

You see, I had

cared for papa

ever since my mother died

in a boating accident,

and he was terrified

i would run away.

Mon dieu.

Then one fateful night,

boom! papa's poor heart

attacked him,

and I'm the orphan.

Jean-Marie came

to papa's funeral

and vowed his

undying love for me.

We decided to leave

the very next day

where he would join

tcirque d'or as a juggler,

and I...I wanted

nothing more

than to bear his children

and wash his leotards.

We decided to meet

the next day at the station.

I wait, and I wait.

Day turned to night.

And still

no Jean-Marie.

Oh.

oh.

It was only later

i learned

that on his way

to meet me,

he must have been

so excited,

because he drove

too fast

and flew off

his motorcycle

into the seine

and drowned.

That is so...

European.

Don't cry for me.

In France, we are told

that sadness and joy

are sisters

holding hands,

each one lost

without the other.

Oui.

oui.

And then that gorgeous,

romantic Jean-Marie

was thrown off his motorcycle

and drowned in the seine.

God, y'all, that is

totaltitanic.

Hey, Titanic

was a movie.

What happened

to Genevieve was real.

Before Titanic

was a movie,

it was real.

Duh!

Feast your eyes, ladies.

Let me see.

Let me see.

Whoa.

Starla:

where am I?

And, Genevieve, what

happened to you?

I want to do

a whole page on Genevieve.

No. I could not

possibly.

Then you can tell

your whole sad sob story.

Ashleoui.

People will feel

real sorry for you,

but this article was

supposed to be about me...

Welcoming Genevieve,

and I think an article on you

is a great idea.

It could be about

how I brought you here

and how I'm helping you adjust

to a different culture.

Well...if you insist.

Trs bien, Doreen.

Vous etes

une bonne tudiante.

Je suis trs fier.

Merci.

Ahem!

Get a life,

you big hairball.

[Speaking French]

[Bell rings]

[Speaking French]

Starla.

Yes?

Your grade has now

dropped below a "c."

I'm afraid I'm

gonna have to inform

the cheerleading

sponsor.

Miss sprinkle? Why?

It's not like I got

fat all of a sudden.

Starla, anything

below a "c"

prohibits you

from participating

in extracurricular

activities,

cheerleading

included.

Get serious!

But I've been head

hornette for 3 years.

I'm sorry. It's

a state regulation--

no pass, no play.

I studied for

that test. I swear!

It's just that...

I was in bed with

serious menstrual cramps.

You know what it's like?

Your whole body aches,

and your breasts

are, like, on fire.

[Breathes deeply]

So, couldn't I just

get another chance?

Please?

Ok. I won't say

anything for 2 weeks.

If you get an "a"

on your oral exam,

that will bump you

up to a "c."

Anything less,

and I'm gonna have to talk

to Mrs. sparkle--

spankle--sprinkle.

[Kiss kiss]

Thanks, monsieur Duke.

One lousy "f,"

and suddenly no cheerleading?

That could totally

screw up my checklist.

That monsieur Duke

is such a...A...

Professeur dedique?

I was thinking

big a-hole,

but whatever.

Bug off, worm.

You know, I could

help you study.

Yeah? and what's

the catch?

There's no catch.

You just got to be nice

to me for the rest

of my life.

You'd exploit this

for emotional blackmail.

That's just mean,

you user.

I'll just get

Genevieve to help me.

Dem a say,

dem a know

if you call them up,

you know they won't show

'cause, sha, everybody

wants to be like you

diddly, diddly,

diddly, diddly

when you're all alone

and thinking at home

and you have no one

to call them your own...

What are you doing?

Omon dieu!

Uje suis desol.

Uh...i...i just wanted

to see what it felt like.

It's ok.

It's no big deal.

Your life

is so glamorous.

I have been struck

by the stars.

Forgive me.

Everybody wants

to be like you

Now I have upset you.

Oh, no.

It's not you.

Genevieve, I'm

gonna fail the exam

unless I learn how to speak

French by next Friday.

I know I'm being

a drama queen,

but if I fail

that class,

I'll be thrown off

the hornettes.

[Sighs] my life could go

completely off the rails.

[Opens soda]

If only I knew someone

who could help.

Starla.

Je suis franaise!

Genevieve, I don't

speak French.

That's the problem.

I am French.

I can teach you.

Oh, I couldn't ask you,

not on top of

everything else you do.

By the way,

did you remember

oui. and don't

be silly.

You have been

so wonderful to me.

I would welcome

the chance to tutor you.

Well, if you insist.

I will make a tape

of these lessons

you can listen to

over and over

until it is

the second nature.

Don't worry.

You will earn high marks

when you give

monsieur Duke oral.

Oh, I'm so glad

everyone you know died

so you had to come

to America.

Kimmy sue:
1, 2, 3.

And shake it

to the front.

A hand, head over.

Up, head, push, push.

5, 6, 7, 8.

1, 2, 3, 4,

5, 6, 7, 8.

[Reading in French]

Hey, Genevieve.

[Shutter clicks]

I'm busy making

the French tape

no, come on. Tell me

all about yourself.

And back,

kick, arch, step.

Me? I am nobody.

A pilot fish swimming

in the wake of

a great white whale.

Nothing of interest

has ever happened to me.

Why don't you let me

be the judge of that?

Fast turn, 7, 8.

Ed, you are so...

What's the word?

Hunky?

Hey, starla.

Hey, starla.

Come to my party.

Great shoes,

starla.

Hey, starla.

You look great.

Hey, Genevieve.

Moi? oh, hello.

What do you know?

You're making friends.

But I don't even

know that girl.

That's called

fame by association.

Girl:
wow!

Look at that beret!

Is that how they wear them

in France, Genevieve?

Oui.

She noticed

my beret.

Yeah, I was gonna

say something,

but I didn't want

to embarrass you.

Hey, Genevieve.

Superior article about you

in the school paper.

About you?

"Genevieve bravely put

her tragic past behind her

"to start anew as an American

high-school student.

"What is perhaps most refreshing

is her natural appearance.

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