Slap Her... She's French Page #7
who has shown me
so much love.
It pains me to report
be here tonight
because she has suffered
a temporary setback
in her ongoing battle
with...Drug addiction.
Today she's in prison,
strung-out and disgraced,
her once-proud reputation
in tatters.
It seems that starla
has had a double identity.
She deceived
her friends and family
but unfortunately,
could not deceive herself.
How did she pay for
this addiction?
I will simply say
that prostitution
is one of the most ancient
forms of commerce.
[Audience gasps]
What?!
Give me strength.
My subject is the tragedy
of missing children.
Tonight I'll tell you
the heartbreaking story
of one little girl who has been
missing for too long.
Video, please.
Take a good look
at this missing girl.
It's Genevieve leplouff,
we have all come
to know and love.
Right?
Or is she
someone else?
[Audience gasps]
Look again.
Many of you
might recognize
this little miss
of a girl.
It's Clarissa fogelsey,
formerly of
splendona, Texas.
[Audience gasps]
Oh, my god!
Yeah, you go, girl.
[Audience talking excitedly]
Isn't that right,
Clarissa?
[Texas accent] Oh,
you are such a loser b*tch!
[Audience gasps]
Ok, that is
not French.
That's not even
European.
Damn you,
starla Grady!
For those of you who might
not remember Clarissa,
this clip courtesy
of the archives
of my father,
Mr. Arnold Grady,
might refresh
your memory.
[Music playing]
Starla:
it was in third grade,
when little Clarissa
had a most unfortunate encounter
with the ice cow.
[Audience laughing]
I remember that.
Ha ha ha!
Whatever happened
to Clarissa
after she was caught
kissing the ice cow's ass?
[Laughter continues]
Now we know the truth.
Clarissa's family
moved to France.
Surely some of you
remember.
One day,
for some reason,
she created
Genevieve leplouff
and returned
to splendona,
where me
and my family
unknowingly
took her in,
gave her love
and understanding.
She waged a smear
campaign against me.
How could you
do this to me?
Yes, it's true.
I admit it.
I wanted to ruin
your life,
and I'll
tell you why.
Because you
ruined mine!
See? you don't even
remember, do you?
It was you
who told me to kiss
that ice cow's ass
for good luck,
and I fell for it!
[Audience laughing]
Is that so funny?
Even after my family
moved away,
the pain remained!
Don't you see?
She ruined my life!
I'm the victim here.
[Audience laughing]
Girl:
get over it!No, no.
She's right.
[Sighs]
I...starla Grady...
Take responsibility
for Clarissa's pain.
Clarissa, I'm sorry.
Come on, splendona.
Help me embrace Clarissa
and let her know that
her long nightmare is over.
Welcome home, Clarissa!
[Cheering and applause]
Amazing. she's even
locked this one up.
You manipulative brat.
You used me again.
Look at you,
so self-righteous,
you're a bigger fake
than I could ever be.
Why, Clarissa, whatever
are you talking about?
You know goddamn well
what I'm talking about!
You humiliated me
in front of
this piece of crap town
all over again
just to win some
stupid competition!
[Audience groans]
We're just alike,
you and me.
We both created
ourselves,
and we both use other people
as a means to get what we want.
You know, you always
were a bad loser!
Oh, I hate you.
I hate you
and this town
and all the pathetic
inbreds that live here!
[Audience gasps]
Say what you want
about me,
but don't mess
with splendona!
Oh!
[Cheering and applause]
Starla.
Starla!
Starla! starla.
I was a jerk.
I was
a complete jerk.
I was seduced
la fiend.
But it's you
who I love.
How can i
make it up to you?
[Sighs]
Kyle...
oh...
Kyle...
Beautiful Kyle...
Oh, thank you, baby.
Do I have
the word "doormat"
stamped across
my forehead,
you enormous
bonehead?!
You are so fired
as my boyfriend!
Uh!
[Whimpering]
Slapping people
is fun.
Ed.
Thomas:
ladies and gentlemen,
may I have
your attention, please?
Where
are you going?
The judges have completed
their deliberations.
Arnie:
baby.Come here.
Come on.
Honey,
come on.
What we saw here today
were, in parts,
truly unusual presentations.
But I'm
very happy to say
that the decision
was completely unanimous.
All right, let's start...
Ed! ed!
Hey! what's the matter
with you?
You know, I just
realized something.
This is your world.
There's no place for me.
What are you
talking about?
Starla, why don't you
just go back in
and receive your award?
You worked so hard for it.
I don't care about
the competition anymore.
That doesn't sound
like the starla I know.
Well...people
can change.
Thomas:
and now, the winner
of the junior
anchorpersons award
and the recipient
of a full scholarship
to study broadcasting
at Wellesley college is...
Doreen gilmore
for "color-blind."
What?!
Come on up here, Doreen.
That sneaky
pseudo-sentimental fake
is stealimy show?!
I guess it doesn't
matter...Does it?
You're right.
What the hell?
I'm speechless.
Thank you guys
so much out there.
This means
a lot to me.
Let's get out
of here.
Starla:
next fall,I'm going to Wellesley college,
without a scholarship.
I mean, if Doreen gilmore
thinks she can keep me
from sitting on a couch
with Katie Couric,
she's got
another thing coming.
I know. I know.
There's room for everyone.
I told Randolph
that I was a vegetarian.
He was surprisingly
accepting.
He told me that
he'd been putting blanks
in daddy's guns for years.
That was a nice moment.
[Cows mooing]
When you stop being
who you're supposed to be
and start being
who you really are.
I mean, who ever thought
a blue-eyed geek from
upstate New York named Edwin
would be the first person
to take me over the state line?
Starla?
Bonjour, y'all.
Bust it
[Music playing]
lions gate entertainment
bust it
you want it
you got it
you want it,
baby, you got it
you want it
you got it
if you want it,
baby, you got it
you want it
you got it
if you want it,
baby, you got it
she was a wide-eyed girl
her lips, as sweet
as a tangerine
but only lord knows
why she want to f*** with me
I'll bring enough
to her house
but I've been keepin' clean
French b*tch
you're wasting your time
stole my man 'cause she felt
the need to scratch an itch
you've given her candy
and you've given her snow
but the dirty little
motherlover won't let go
French b*tch
you're wasting your time
stole my man 'cause she felt
the need to scratch an itch
you've given her candy
and you've given her snow
she was
a wide-eyed girl
[Song continues]
And now she's trying
to take my man
from underneath
my nails
[Song continues]
French b*tch
stole my man 'cause she felt
the need to scratch an itch
you've given her candy
and you've given her snow
but the dirty little
motherlover won't let go
French b*tch
stole my man 'cause she felt
the need to scratch an itch
you've given her candy
1 fan
Submitted on August 05, 2018
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"Slap Her... She's French" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2025. Web. 19 Jan. 2025. <https://www.scripts.com/script/slap_her..._she's_french_18275>.
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