Something's Gotta Give

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The sweet, uncomplicated

satisfaction of the younger woman.

That fleeting age when everything

just falls right into place.

It's magic time, and it can

render any man...

...anywhere, absolutely helpless.

Some say I'm an expert

on the younger woman.

Guess that's because I've been

dating them for over 40 years.

So, baby, you're rich?

We||, my mother is. Sort of.

I mean, not really.

If she lives within a mile

of here, she's rich.

Well, I guess a hit play will

buy you a house in the Hamptons.

- I'd like to meet your mother.

- No, you wouldn't.

She's great. She's totally brilliant,

but she's not your type.

You're overlooking

one of the great things about me.

I don't have a type.

She's over 30.

Oh, what?

Like you don't know you

have a slight reputation for...

- For?

- For...

...never dating anyone over 30.

It just so happens, my dear, that

women of a certain age don't date me.

You ever think of it that way? No.

It's always me.

Hey.

I'll call back Monday.

Say you couldn't find me.

Who?

I'll call her later.

No, no, I have the number.

Yeah.

Make a right.

It's the second driveway on the left.

Right.

Wow.

It's the perfect beach house.

So...

...what are we gonna do out here,

just the two of us, for two whole days?

Tell me the truth.

Are you at all glad we waited?

Truth?

No.

But I'm extremely glad

we're finally gonna...

Wanna go for a swim?

How long will it take you

to change?

- Thirty seconds.

- Really?

That long?

Oh, Har, by the way,

no smoking in the house.

My mom doesn't allow it.

But she allows you to

strip in the front yard?

Bring guys you're

dating here to...?

She doesn't know everything I do

or when I do it or where I do it.

Okay.

The fabulous two-story living room...

...which, I predict, we will spend

absolutely no time in whatsoever.

- It's a knockout.

- Thank you.

I'm very good at giving this tour,

by the way, although...

...I've never actually done

it while taking off my clothes.

Behind me, the requisite

Hamptons deck...

...complete with

pool and ocean view.

Your pants, please.

Ladies first.

When I first started auctioneering,

someone told me...

...if I was nervous, I should just picture

the audience in their underwear.

This gives that a whole new meaning.

You're not nervous now, are you?

- I'm always a little nervous.

- Put on your bathing suit.

I brought us champagne.

I'll put it on ice.

No, I know. I can't do anything...

Oh, God! What is this?

Okay.

Okay, you stay where you are.

We have a knife.

- Do you live here?

- Look, mister.

I am gonna dial 911,

and you are not gonna move.

- Zoe, hand me the phone.

- You don't understand.

- I'm your daughter's friend.

- Don't think so.

My daughter is in the city. You, what,

wander in here, high on ecstasy?

- Honestly, if you'd just...

- No!

Stay there.

I was in the Israeli army.

I can break you in half.

Hello. Yes! Yes, I have

an intruder in my house.

29 Daniels Lane, Sagaponack...

I'm dating your daughter, Marin.

She invited me here for the weekend.

She's in her room right now, changing.

You're dating my daughter?

Now, who would have thought

that would be worse news?

Yeah, sorry. False alarm.

No, he's not a burglar.

- He's dating my daughter.

- I had no idea you were coming.

You said you had to write.

I do, but I thought

I would do it out here.

I should have told you

I was bringing someone.

I'm sorry. I should've told

you we were coming.

Obviously. Anyway, here we are.

Hello, I'm the mother.

Harry Sanborn. How are you?

Oh, God, sorry.

This is my friend Harry.

- My mom, Erica. My aunt Zoe.

- Sorry about that.

We just totally spur-of-the-moment

decided to get out of the city.

Good, that's good.

Honey, does Harry have a robe?

You know what?

I think I should just take off, let

you gals enjoy your weekend and...

What?

No, no! Oh, I'm sorry. Of course,

don't do that. That's silly.

Zoe and I will leave...

...and you and Harry stay.

Harry.

I'm sorry.

I apologize about the near arrest.

You were very impressive.

Very strong.

Very...

...macho.

Well, I don't think

I was exactly macho.

Trust me, if I ever catch a guy

in his underwear in my refrigerator...

...I hope I'm half the man

you were, Mrs...

- Mrs...

- Right, okay. Whatever.

Alrighty, then,

I'm definitely gonna hit the road.

Ladies, sensational meeting you.

Doll.

- Give me a call.

- Hold on.

Let's not get so dramatic here.

What are we, four teenagers?

We're sophisticated people.

Why don't we all stay. Your mother

has work, I have papers to grade.

Do your thing, whatever that may be...

...and if we wanna hang out together,

we will.

If we don't, we don't. No reason

we should give up this weekend.

Seriously.

- I can handle it.

- I can totally handle it.

I mean, well, I can handle it.

- Bonjour, Madame Barry.

- Bonjour, Annie.

Impressive.

She took French lessons

after she and my dad split up.

Part of her "keep busy, don't look

back" program.

- Now she's practically fluent.

- Marin!

- Okay.

- Not bad.

Well, yeah. I am fluent.

I'll be right back.

It's an epidemic.

Buy some things.

How about pasta salad?

We had that last night.

- We did? I don't remember.

- Sure.

Why don't we get a spread

and put it on.

Oh, sorry.

Sorry about that.

- My fault.

- No. It's fine, it's fine.

So, Harry, what do you do?

I'm an owner of a record

company, among other things.

- Which record company?

- Drive-By Records.

Drive-By Records?

Is that a joke? I mean, what is that?

It's a hip-hop label.

Hip-hop? Oh, rap. Right, right.

Well, that's interesting.

Let me see if I get

where you're headed here.

I'm sorry, but look,

I hate rap. I do. I really do.

It's just crude and violent

for my taste...

...not to mention

just a tad misogynistic.

Hey, some people see rap as poetry.

Yeah, but how many words

can you rhyme with "b*tch"?

Next, please.

How we doing?

Should have left

when she tried to arrest me.

How's the new play?

Are you getting happy with it?

You know the thing about me.

I'm 90 percent hard work,

10 percent talent.

And so far, the talent part

hasn't exactly kicked in yet.

Right. Right.

- What's your play about?

- About?

I'm not exactly sure,

which is a bit of a problem.

But so far, it's about

a divorced woman, a writer.

She's a high-strung, over-amped,

controlling, know-it-all neurotic...

...who's incredibly cute and lovable.

It's a comedy.

So how did you two meet?

At a wine auction at Christie's.

Harry was the big buyer

of the night.

I kept raising my paddle

just to get her to smile at me.

Before I knew it,

I bought the entire collection.

Every known bottle

of Chateau Margaux.

After that, the least she could do...

...was share a bottle with me.

Ever been married, Harry?

No.

- No, I haven't.

- Mom.

Wow. Now, why do you think that is?

Well, some people just don't

fit the mold, and so far, you know...

Hey, if it ain't broke...

- Exactly.

- Wait a second.

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