Something's Gotta Give Page #2

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Aren't you a famous bachelor?

Well, I wouldn't say I'm famous.

Yeah, didn't I read an article

about you in New York magazine?

I guess some people find it interesting

I've escaped the noose for so long.

That was the title,

"The Escape Artist. "

I read that article.

That was you?

Well, you were once engaged

to someone really big.

- Who was it? Joan Collins? No.

- No.

- Okay. Carly Simon?

- Somebody cool like that.

- Someone like that.

- Not Martha Stewart.

- No! Not Martha Stewart!

- You could ask him.

No, this is more fun.

It's like I'm not here.

Harry was once

engaged to Diane Sawyer.

- What?

- Right. Diane Sawyer. I love her.

- I'm impressed.

- Yeah.

Women your age

love that about me.

- You know what I mean.

- Yes, I do.

I mean, it's not a bad thing

to say, "women your age. "

Oh, no. I'm sure it was a compliment.

It's just...

...an accurate observation. It's...

- So when was this?

- The engagement?

- Long time ago.

She was this adorable,

lanky girl from Kentucky...

...with the greatest pair of legs

I have ever seen.

Never understood her ending up on a

job where she never showed them.

You can't be serious.

I mean, she's Diane Sawyer.

She goes into caves in Afghanistan...

...with a shmatte on her head.

Who cares about her legs?

You know what?

I hate to eat and run, but...

- No!

- No, wait. No.

Come on. This is really fascinating,

what's going on at this table.

Zoe teaches women's studies

at Columbia.

- Okay. So this is gonna hurt.

- No.

- Let's take you and Erica.

- Zoe...

You've been around the block a few

times. What are you, around 60?

Sixty-three!

Fantastic!

Never married, which, as we know, if

you were a woman, would be a curse.

You'd be an old maid, a spinster.

So instead of pitying you,

they write articles about you.

Celebrate your never marrying.

You're elusive and ungetable,

a real catch.

Then, there's my gorgeous sister here.

- No, wait. What...?

- Look, please...

No, this is interesting. Look at her.

She is so accomplished.

Most successful female playwright

since who? Lillian Hellman?

She's over 50, divorced.

She sits in night after night...

...because available guys

her age want something...

Forgive me, but they want somebody

that looks like Marin.

The over-50 dating scene is geared

towards men leaving older women out.

And as a result, the women

become more and more productive...

...and therefore, more

and more interesting.

Which, in turn, makes them even less

desirable because as we know, men...

...especially older men,

are threatened and afraid...

...of productive, interesting women.

It is just so clear.

Single older women as a demographic

are as f***ed a group as can exist.

Oh, God!

What are you, possessed?

How could you say those things?

It seemed really obvious, the injustice.

Thank God men die younger than us.

- It's the only break we get.

- You know what?

Write a dissertation. Don't announce

that I stay in night after night...

By the way, one "night after night"

would have been enough.

Did you ever realize that I stay in

as a part of my job?

And why do you think I married

the director of my plays?

He was the only man I ever saw.

And anyway, I like staying in,

and I like this time in my life.

Why do I have to defend myself?

I was married for 20 years. I'm done.

- What the hell was that?

- Sorry, I thought I was onto something.

Honey, what are you doing

with this guy?

He's old. He's chauvinistic.

- He's fun.

- Fun?

I mean, how is he fun?

He's, like, wrong.

- Yeah, wrong can be fun.

- No.

- Not this wrong.

- He's smart and fascinating.

If you talked about something

other than marital status...

...you would find he's smart,

owns 10 different companies.

What does that mean? It means

he can't commit. That's what it means.

- Not that I want him to commit.

- Oh, yeah, that I get.

Anyway, he said he thought you two

were very spontaneous and nice.

And then he said he's leaving

as soon as the sun comes up.

What, his car doesn't have

headlights?

Wait a minute.

I have no right to get this nuts.

I'm sorry.

He's your friend, he's not mine.

- I'm sorry and love you.

- I love you more.

No chance in hell

he said we were nice.

Please. None.

What are they listening to?

I don't care.

Marvin Gaye?

Will you stop that?

That's disgusting, Zoe. Stop it!

There.

She'll never see him after this

weekend. She can't commit either.

He does sound fun.

Admit it. He's got something.

You felt it, right?

Okay, this is nuts.

Mom!

Did she say, "Mom"?

Mom, hurry!

Mom!

I don't know what happened.

We fooled around.

And then he just said he felt

funny, and he just collapsed.

Harry, what is it?

- I'm okay. I'm fine.

- Does your chest hurt?

It's like an elephant's sitting on it.

Call 911,

tell them to send an ambulance.

Marin, now!

- My God!

- What are you doing?

Mouth-to-mouth.

Oh, you f***ing guy.

We need an ambulance right away,

please!

29 Daniels Lane,

Sagaponack.

- We got him.

- Apparent cardiac arrest.

Sinus check, 120.

- BP?

- 150l95.

- Forty-one. Right here?

- On three.

- All right.

- Careful.

We've got a line in.

- Switch over to monitors.

- How we doing?

30 minutes of chest pain,

nausea, shortness of breath.

Pulse, 104. Respiration's 18.

Get a CBC, CMP, cardiac

panel and 12-lead EKG.

- Yes, doctor.

- Mr. Sanborn, I'm Dr. Mercer.

- Are you in any pain right now?

- I feel some pressure in my chest.

- It's tight.

- Show me where the pain is.

Right here.

What were you doing

when the pain started?

- I was kissing a beautiful woman.

- Were you having intercourse?

Unfortunately, no.

- Sense of humor intact.

- Yeah.

Give him aspirin, metoprolol,

5 milligrams, hang a nitro drip.

- Mr. Sanborn?

- Yeah.

EKG shows a blocked artery

which is not allowing enough...

...oxygen to get to the heart muscle.

- I'm having a heart attack?

We're gonna stop it, but I need

to know what medications you take.

- I take Lipitor.

- Chew this.

- Anything else?

- And a white one for blood pressure.

And what about Viagra?

Mr. Sanborn, did you take

any Viagra today?

- Mr. Sanborn?

- No.

- No Viagra.

- Okay, good, just need to be sure.

Because I put nitroglycerin

into your drip.

And if you had taken Viagra,

the combination could be fatal.

- Your dad's gonna be okay.

- He's not my dad.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Your granddad's gonna be okay.

Oh, thank you so much.

We're not related.

- He's a friend.

- Sorry.

I'm Dr. Mercer.

Mr. Sanborn did have

a mild heart attack.

I gave him something

to dissolve the clot, and it worked.

He's very lucky.

Another half-hour, I don't...

I don't know if this would have worked.

This was very intense.

- He's doing great.

- Yeah.

I gave him something

to help him sleep.

It might make him a little loopy at first

but then it should knock him out.

- You're Mrs. Sanborn?

- No! Oh, no. No, I'm just...

No, I'm Erica Barry.

He had dinner at our house.

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