Sorority Row

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Danny, give me my shirt!

Come and get it.

Don't you think that maybe we're taking

this hazing thing a little bit too far?

I absolutely do not.

Hey!

Cassidy!

- Hey, give me a beer. Come on, man.

- Get your own, pretty boy.

- Don't be a dick.

- Get your own.

Hey, move it, douche bag. Get out of here.

Mmm. Sudsy!

Hey, Chugs! Give me a beer! And a BJ.

Hey, what the f***?

Hey, no! You both, out! Now!

Some massive titties!

How long have you been a Theta?

- Do you want one?

- No, thanks.

- Hey, Ellie, up here.

- I got to go. Sorry.

It wasn't that hard a question.

A**hole!

- Where are we going, Claire?

- Hurry up. Jessica's waiting.

Goodbye, virginity! Yeah! Theta Pi rules!

I think I'm gonna be sick. Look out below!

Heather, get a room.

Hey, boys. Out, out, out!

- I just got tested. It's cool.

- Okay.

Cassidy, my room, Theta toast, now.

- Have you seen Andy?

- Hos before bros.

Uh, Claire, line up those shots!

None of that Jell-O crap.

Mama needs to get her buzz on.

Thetas!

This party kicks off our senior year.

But first, shout outs. Claire,

I like being your friend, because

it makes me multi-cultural

without having to do anything.

- That's so racist.

- Okay. Okay.

Chugs, I love you, because

you're always willing to try anything new

and you don't give a damn

what anyone thinks.

Is this a bad time to tell you

I boned your dad?

Gross.

It was after the divorce.

Ellie, I love you because you are

always there to help with homework.

You're like a spell check with a nice rack.

Okay, Cass, I love you

because you're so real.

That's just because

she can't afford fake ones.

I love you, Jessica,

because you make being a b*tch an art form.

Hear, hear!

Theta Pi, we honor thee!

From life to death, sorority!

Wait, wait, wait, where's Megan?

She should be here for this.

Oh, I forgot.

Let me show you something

that is sure to be a YouTube classic.

Gather round, ladies.

Chugs, grab the laptop.

What are you guys up to?

- Baby, I love you so much.

- Oh, my God.

Is that Garret?

I thought Megan dumped him

after he cheated on her.

Well, apparently, she took him back.

- What can I say? My brother's good in bed.

- Chugs.

- That's so gross.

- You guys are sick.

Did Megan get a little work done

over the summer?

What? You thought she gained

four bra sizes in three months?

God, is this all he's got?

Yeah, what is this?

The Dry Hump Olympics?

- Come on, guys, this is gross.

- Oh, my God.

Why isn't she moving?

We gave Garret a little something

to put into her drink.

Told him it'd help put her in the mood.

You let your brother give her roofies?

Come on, roofie sex isn't that bad.

You get laid

and you get a good night's sleep.

- It's true.

- Chugs.

Finally, we're getting somewhere.

- Ooh! Looks like he's kissing a corpse.

- Exactly. This is the best prank ever.

Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God. Megan. Jesus Christ.

- Guys, what the hell?

- Baby?

- Holy sh*t, you guys.

- We got to do something.

- Baby, are you okay? Jesus Christ.

- Jesus!

- Let's go!

My God.

You guys...

She's convulsing and there's

sh*t coming out of her mouth.

- What?

- Yeah, I don't...

What the f*** did you do?

I didn't do...

I slipped her the pills you gave me.

I said give her one!

- I didn't know!

- Guys!

- She's not breathing.

- We have to clear her airway.

Why doesn't somebody call an ambulance?

There's no time. Here.

Give me the keys. Get me the Escalade now!

- I'm going.

- Claire! Hey!

Yep. I'm on it.

That is so hot.

Chugs!

What? No tongue?

Easy there, Lezzie Lohan.

This is make-believe, remember?

- What is going on?

- She's okay?

No, I'm not okay. I have fake puke

all over my $800 silk sheets.

What exactly is happening?

- Garret cheated on me.

- Didn't you cheat on him first?

Details! That little b*tch boy

cheated on a Theta.

You cheat on one Theta,

you cheat on every Theta.

Also he says, "I love you,"

like, 15 times every time we do it.

But Garret is Chugs' brother.

My brother, who slipped my Theta sister

pills he thought were roofies.

My brother who also rushed Tri Pi.

Whose motto is, "We'll try any pie."

That boy needs to be taught a lesson.

So if they weren't roofies,

then what were they?

Vitamin B-12.

You know that helps prevent anemia?

Too bad it doesn't prevent bulimia.

That's something Megan could actually use.

Show time.

I can't even tell if she's breathing or not.

I think she's turning cold.

Don't say that to me!

Don't tell me that!

How far are we from the hospital?

I don't know. I think I took a wrong turn.

I'm totally freaking out.

- What!

- She's not gonna make it!

Oh, my God, she's dead.

She really f***ing died.

She died and it's my fault.

I'm gonna go to f***ing jail!

Hey! Watch my car!

Okay, you know what?

Everybody calm down. Garret, this is all...

Oh, my God! She's really dead!

I need help. I need help.

Chugs, I want to call Mom right now.

Where are we going?

Garret, we're gonna take care of this. Okay?

- I'm gonna call for help.

- No, no, no!

Hey, we all had...

I'm calling the f***ing cops.

You guys had nothing to do with this.

Really? Who gave you the roofies?

Jessica did.

And she died at a party

at our sorority house.

They'll close down our chapter for sure.

- Right, Ellie?

- Yeah. Any illicit drugs use on campus

is an automatic

two-year chapter suspension.

I don't care about that! She's dying!

- There's no signal.

- Garret, look at me.

Look at me. Look at me, all right?

Hey, you've got to look at me.

- We can make all this go away.

- How?

Trust me. I know a place.

Okay. All right.

Okay.

Claire, turn up here.

Get on the ground. Shh.

Garret, there's a blanket in the back. Get it.

I guess I'll get it.

What's happening? I can't see.

Shh. You're dead, dummy.

So the only thing to settle on is the body.

Do we wrap it in the blanket as it is,

or do we chop it into little pieces first?

Okay. Let's try not to leave our DNA

all over the place. Thank you.

So, what's it gonna be?

One big chunk or little bits and pieces?

In premed, we learned that if there's air

in the lungs or the chest cavity

the body will float to the surface.

Yeah, she's right. We can't have her body

floating to the top.

Yeah. Somebody will find her.

What about those implants?

Does silicone float?

All right. Everybody spread out and find

sharp rocks to dismember the body with.

So how long

are you gonna keep this going?

Yeah, I mean I kind of agree

with Cass.

This is funny and all, but...

You're right. That's why we're doing it.

Because it's funny.

Oh, my God!

- There's no air in her lungs now.

- What the hell did you do?

There's no air in her lungs now.

There's no air in her lungs now.

- Oh, my God, what did you do?

- You mean, she wasn't dead?

Shut the f*** up!

Ellie! Ellie! Help me stop the bleeding.

Start on her.

Oh, my God, Megan!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Somebody call 911.

God!

I don't have any reception!

Anyone?

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