Southland Tales

No.

Wonder if Matt sees that camera yet.....

Yep.

The camera, yeah.

Hey, man.

Oh. I didn't know it had water in it.

Go, go, go!

Go.

In the aftermath

of the nuclear attacks in Texas,

America found itself

on the brink of anarchy.

Hundreds of thousands have

perished in the nuclear attacks...

in Abilene and El Paso, Texas.

The president has declared

martial law in Texas.

FEMA has ordered evacuation

within 200 miles of each attack.

The worst attack on the United States

in the history of our country.

Those without protective glasses are

instructed to sit down on the ground

and face away from the blast.

World War llI had begun.

No.

I'm sorry.

The accelerated conflict

in the Middle East

placed significant restrictions

on American access to oil.

Alternative fuel sources

became a lucrative commodity.

Americans were transfixed

by the terrorist threat

and the will to prevent another attack

by any means necessary.

Military checkpoints

were erected at each state line.

Interstate travel visas

were required of each citizen.

Dissenting liberal extremist cells

began to emerge,

the most vocal of which

were the Neo-Marxists.

The 2008 presidential election

was to be decided by

the electoral votes of just one state

as the Republicans

raced to secure California

for the first time since 1988.

On June 27, 2008,

Boxer Santaros,

a famous actor with ties

to the Republican Party,

vanished without a trace.

Three days later, he was discovered

in the Nevada desert

with his memory erased.

The government knew he had

crossed back into California.

But the circumstances

of his return to the Southland

remained a mystery.

Actor-turned-soldier

Pilot Abilene

was critically wounded

during battle in Iraq yesterday

by shrapnel from a grenade

thrown by a soldier in his own unit.

"The Revelation of Jesus Christ,

which God gave unto Him,

"to shew unto His servants things

which must shortly come to pass,

"and He sent and signified it

by His angel unto His servant John,

"who bare record of the word of God,

and of the testimony of Jesus Christ,

"and of all things that he saw.

"Blessed is he that readeth and they

that hear the words of this prophecy,

"and keep those things

which are written therein...

for the time is at hand. "

My name is Pilot Abilene...

and I'm a veteran of the war in Iraq.

I'm going to tell you the story

of Boxer Santaros

and his journey

down the road not taken.

"This is the way the world ends.

"This is the way the world ends.

This is the way the world ends. "

Not with a whimper...

but with a bang.

The search continues

for missing action star Boxer Santaros.

His wife, Madeline Frost,

daughter of vice presidential

candidate Bobby Frost,

could not be reached for comment.

Flights remain restricted in Nevada...

Interstate travel visas are frozen

as the government issues

a code-red terror alert

for the holiday weekend.

Southland residents

buckle down and stay put

as LAX remains closed indefinitely.

Some empires were built

in times of war.

...honor the memories

of loved ones lost in Texas

as a city prepares to celebrate

Independence Day

on the third anniversary

of the nuclear attacks.

Others were built

in times of peace.

The government decided that

it could not properly

conduct a war on terror

unless cyberspace

was placed under federal control.

USIDent was the brainchild

of the Republican Party...

Welcome to USIDent.

...a colossal think tank formed

under the protection of the Patriot Act.

All information is sanitized.

"Two roads

diverged in a wood, and I...

"I took the one less traveled by,

and that has made all the difference. "

You know,

Bobby and I are so proud

that we can unveil

the first USIDent facility

here in the Southland.

UPU 5.

Here at last!

Boxer Santaros

had returned from the desert

with a case of amnesia.

Someone had gotten under his skin.

Her name was Krysta Kapowski,

and together

they had written a screenplay

that foretold

the tale of our destruction.

You almost wrecked my car.

Well?

Get in.

Stigmata.

We'll hear that fine new platter

by Nat King Cole...

"I'd Rather Have The Blues. "

The war machine

was running out of gas.

And there was no alternative.

Alternative fuel, that is.

Until one day,

when a renegade scientist

arrived in the Southland

with a cure for our sickness.

He built this great big machine

out in the ocean

that would generate a hydroelectric

energy field called Fluid Karma...

a wireless network of electric power

that would run machines by remote...

machines that would never

have to be refueled.

Treer Products is proud to present

the wizard Baron Von Westphalen

and his executive staff.

Have you built the world's first

perpetual motion machine?

The ocean is

a perpetual motion machine.

Fluid Karma is a simulation

of the principles

you see working right here.

As long as the waves continue to crash,

Fluid Karma will exist.

Quantum teleportation.

Explain the transport mechanism.

That's all I'm asking.

Fluid Karma works via the principle

of quantum entanglement.

Particles thus entangled

will behave identically...

Operation Q...

the atomic test program

of the Federal Civil Defense

Administration

as seen by Joan Collin, reporter.

I had to see Operation Q

through many eyes, not only my own,

but as a reporter through the eyes

of the average American

man and woman.

I'm Krysta,

Krysta Now.

And we are here,

live in Malibu, with my guests today...

Shoshana Cox,

Sheena Gee, and Deena Storm.

Join us for an in-depth discussion

of the penetrating issues

facing society today...

issues like abortion, terrorism,

crime, poverty, social reform,

quantum teleportation,

teen horniness, and war.

Now we all made decisions

in our youth to start doing porn.

I think it's time that we

turn the mirror on ourselves.

And once you get on the bang bus,

you never get off.

You know what?

The bang bus should be banned.

It's totally unethical,

even within the parameters of porn.

Do you like to get slapped

to the ground and f***ed?

Too violent.

Violence and porn should not mix.

It gives porn a bad name.

You know what?

I like to get f***ed.

I like to get f***ed hard.

- Yeah. Me, too.

- Amen to that.

I mean, violence is a big problem

in our society today,

and I will not support it.

That's the primary reason

why I won't do anal.

I didn't know that about you.

Makes me want to give up anal.

Anyone who knows

anything of history

knows that great social changes

are impossible

without feminine upheaval.

Our first issue today is terrorism.

Go ahead and make fun of

my prophecies all you want, Fortunio.

But deep down inside,

everyone wishes

they were a porn star.

Really?

We're a bisexual nation

living in denial,

all because of a bunch of nerds,

a bunch of nerds who got off a boat

in the 15th century

and decided that sex

was something to be ashamed of.

All the Pilgrims did was ruin

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes