Spy

---

Ladies.

Baccarat.

Exquisite.

Tihomir.

Hang up.

Bradley Fine.

I'm honored.

Pleasure's all mine.

Tell me where the bomb is.

10 seconds, or you're dead.

Interesting.

You see, when my men

and I hid it...

I made sure to erase

any witnesses.

And then I erased the erasers.

Which means,

I'm now the only one

who knows...

just where that

dangerously compact

and transportable nuke is.

So...

I'd say I have

more than 10 seconds.

Well then, in that case,

I'd say you'd better start...

F***!

My God!

Why did you do that?

I didn't do it on purpose.

There's like a ton

of pollen in here!

God! Christmas

on a cracker!

Did you take your medicine?

I forgot it on the plane.

I told you this morning,

I put extra in all your jackets!

You did?

Great. Sh*t! Thanks.

No, you know what?

That's on me.

Because I heard you

sniffle a while ago

and I did nothing

with that information.

So that's blood

on my hands, really...

Okay. You know what?

You got three coming in.

Get out the

back door now. Move.

Anybody in here?

Yeah,

we got one coming around the corner, now.

Your three guests are coming out

that door behind you right now.

Watch your six.

Yahtzee.

Zinger!

I should've brought

more bullets.

I thought they were

chocolate sprinkles,

which I would eat,

normally, by the fistful...

but this tasted like...

There's no other way

to say it, really.

Like a rat's arse.

Guys, can you please

keep it down?

Unfortunately,

there's vermin in the ceiling again,

and I hate to say it, but...

they've pooped

all over your cake.

- I'm going left?

- No.

I need you to go right

and head down the tunnel.

You've got one coming

around to your right,

and he's got a swarm behind him.

That's my girl.

I don't know.

Watch your back.

That was a close one, Fine.

Who's the finest of them all?

You are.

Bradley, you're so fine

You're so fine, you blow my mind

Hey, Bradley!

God, duck!

Nice moves, Fine.

Pilates has been

working out for you.

You noticed?

Yeah, you just seem looser.

Like, in your hips.

I mean athletically speaking.

I don't know. I guess

you don't seem so awkward.

Shut up!

Going straight?

No.

Go right up the stairs.

You're gonna find

a little friend

on the first landing.

Thanks for your help.

You're clear to the top.

Get moving.

My God!

The rats can fly!

Come on, you guys!

All right, Fine.

Stop at the door.

You got a guard approaching.

I'll tell you when.

Wait for it,

Fine. Three...

Two, one. Now!

Dear, did I forget to knock?

They're clawing at my hair!

I can't see!

What do you mean,

you can't see me?

I'm good. You've got

SUVs approaching.

Go to the dock!

Dock. Excellent idea.

Boyanov's boat is at the end.

No keys, Coop.

The panel's on the lower left

under the steering wheel.

You can hotwire it.

I can't get to the wires!

Okay, then stay down

and hold your ears!

How will I hear

your beautiful voice?

Stop being adorable

and get down!

Lock on coordinates

43.16547...

27.94654...

and fire, now.

Whoo!

Close one!

Nice drone work, Coop!

I could kiss you.

Well, I would accept that

with an open mouth.

Soon as I'm back,

dinner is on me.

Great work, Coop.

Hey, pick up my dry cleaning

for me, would you?

Also, get my car.

Sure. No problem.

And I have to fire my gardener.

He keeps running over

the sprinkler heads

with the mower.

Can you cut him loose for me?

Um... Yeah. Yeah, sure.

You kidding?

I'd love it!

You're the best.

Smell you later, pal.

God. Poor Jaime.

The thing is, Jaime, that...

These your children?

Your children, here?

Yeah, I have children.

I just have to cover those eyes.

They're looking

right at me. Um...

Please, don't fire me.

No. Jaime, I would never.

This is more of a review.

Jaime.

Yes.

The lawnmower

Right to that lawnmower.

You're a killer, Susan.

The heart is a hunter

And hard as a stone

Cold blood in the chamber

Bullets and bone

Into the night you will fall

Where there's no wrong or right

Rough justice for all

Love is powering lust

You may find my smile deceitful

But after it all

Who else can you trust?

Who else can you trust?

These look delicious.

I don't wanna be critical,

but this is very chewy.

Coop. You're eating

a hand towel.

Just cleansing my palette.

Jeez. You had to take me

to such a dump?

Come on, cheapskate!

Burger King was booked up.

Ha!

Sorry. I'm having dinner

with Gallagher over here.

Guard your fruit!

You could. You're funny.

Your timing is perfect.

Never as funny as you,

Super Cooper.

To another successful mission.

Go team.

Go team.

Hey, I've been thinking.

Yeah.

I couldn't do

what I do without you.

And I've been thinking

about doing something

special for you...

So...

Good gravy, Fine.

That's...

It's a crazy cupcake!

You love cakes.

Well...

I'm not a big cake...

I make cakes. Yes.

I see the connection.

Now you can wear a cake.

How did you know I don't care

for traditional jewelry?

I can't seem to

stop looking at it...

and it can't stop looking at me.

Imagine how awkward

it would've been

if it'd been a diamond ring

or something.

Ooh...

Not a diamond ring! No!

I would've had to say,

"I don't want to marry you!"

I don't want

your muscly arms and hands...

rubbing my back with Nivea

for the rest of my life.

And our three kids run in,

you know...

Karen, Tommy and Billy...

and we'd say,

"Get out of here!"

And they'd just all

have that beautiful jaw...

and sky-blue eyes, and a full mouth.

I mean...

no, thank you.

I'll just, you know,

I'll just...

Can you give me a little

jewelry I can actually wear?

Not gonna wear it?

Yes. Yeah.

I was just saving it.

Put it on!

Look at that.

Wow, that's a...

That is an adjustable toggle.

Adjustable toggle.

You don't see that

with a lot of jewelry.

It's so you.

Is it?

Wow, perfect.

Somebody's jealous.

Seriously, I couldn't do

what I do without you,

in my earpiece.

I could never do what you do.

Can you imagine me as a spy?

My God.

Out in the field.

Yeah.

With a gun!

What?

"Hi, terrorists.

Golly!

"I shot myself!

Whoops!

"I meant to shoot you,

not me!"

That's probably what I'd say.

"Hey, terrorists,

you better watch out,

"or I'll make you

a chocolate cake.

"Do you like chocolate?

Well, then I'll make you a vanilla."

They would never

let me be a spy.

I can't even dress like a spy.

Look at you and your tailored...

Everything is cut right.

And mine is like a lumpy

pumpkin sack dress.

Come...

It doesn't even have a label.

Does not have a label.

I think my mom made it.

No, stop.

I should get on my hands

and knees and start scooping.

Good God.

Go easy on yourself.

Okay.

We're a perfect team.

That's why we work.

Yeah.

Come here.

Come here. Close.

I think you're getting pinkeye.

What? No.

Right there.

No, that's not...

Did you wipe your eye after

you cleaned out the cat box?

I don't have cats.

Why did I think that?

I don't know.

You should get some.

They're good company.

Rate this script:4.5 / 2 votes