Straight A's Page #3

check in with?

All right, boss, you got me.

I didn't check in.

I'm just here to have lunch with my nephew.

It's no big deal.

Y'all feel free

to join us.

Sh*t, we got juice

for f***ing days.

You will not use profanity toward an educator,

especially in front of his student.

I didn't.

What did I say?

You know what

you said, sir.

Okay, that's it. Both

of you, let's go now!

Now, hold up,

hold on.

Your problem's

with me, not him.

I'm leaving.

All right.

Miss Dougan

and Miss Carol.

Later, Charles.

(Amanda)

Thank you, Charles

From a very nice

Cohiba, and he says,

"Son, I won't smoke a cigar if

it's smaller than my penis."

I'll drink

to that.

Come on.

I never had a chance to talk to

you about that Carlton deal.

The architecture from

that deal was flawless.

You drove up the offer

against the Dow.

Five weekends in a row. Yeah.

I didn't think

anybody noticed that.

I've used it on two deals since.

No kidding? Wow.

You two work together in Dallas?

Yeah.

Thanks for the lift,

compadre.

Do you mind making another stop?

Si, cmo no.

You've ever met

my old man?

What are you,

a migrant?

All right.

It's up here

on the left.

Hey...

Who are you?

Dad, it's Scott.

Now, look here, mister.

I don't know who

you're looking for,

but I can assure you

it's not me.

Sometimes I-I like

to talk to strangers.

Sometimes I don't.

I know you're faking

this sickness.

You need to get off my property.

Mom told me she wants

us to talk, so--

You know what? You are

still a f***ing a**hole.

I tried.

Hey, I ain't going

to tell you again.

Are you kidding me?

Mr. Henderson.

I'm leaving. I'm leaving. Go.

Calm down. Why do these people

always coming round my house?

Come on in the house.

Come on now.

I go! you a big bowl of chili.

Do you want some chili?

(Gracie) Hi, Uncle Scott.

Uncle Scott.

Louisa and I are cooking

eggplant tonight.

Want to help?

I ain't feeling

so hot, pretty girl.

Mrs. Henderson, this is

Mr. Dewitt, Charles ' Principal.

It seems we had

an incidence today.

A man claiming to be Charles'

uncle broke into the cafeteria,

shouted profanity

at a teacher,

made a pass at one of our

aides, smoked cigarettes.

The list goes on.

[knocking]

Sh*t.

Come in.

Amanda thanked me for the juice box.

That was awesome.

Yeah, it kind of was.

Listen, homie, I'm tired. I

have to give an oral report

on the Aztecs on Friday in

front of the whole school.

Sweet.

What's the problem?

If I get a bad grade,

it'll ruin my average.

They give grades

at your age?

They do

in fourth grade.

I thought

you were six.

I'm eight.

I skipped second grade, and I

want to make straight A's.

Dude, there's a lot more to

life than just straight A 's-

[clears th roat]

All right, so what's your problem?

You're a smart kid, man.

I'm not very proficient

at oral reports.

Public speaking

should be easy for you.

Why?

Because you're not

intimidated by sh*t.

How do you know that

I'm not intimidated?

Dude, look at you. The shirt,

the lie, the goddamn briefcase.

All them things ain't nothing

more than FU's to everybody.

Yeah?

Sh*t, yeah.

Okay, here we go.

A key

to public speaking.

You find one face in the

crowd that you trust, okay?

You focus on that face,

concentrate on it.

Ignore everything else.

And once you're comfortable with that

person, you start adding another, another,

one by one.

Before you know it,

you're good.

Uncle Scott, will you

come to the assembly?

I don't think that's

such a good idea.

Please, just

this one time.

I'll even get you

a visitor's pass.

Sh*t, it's hard for me

to commit to things.

All right.

I'll be there.

Katherine eluded to the

fact they're unreliable.

So you have

to promise.

I promise.

What a day. I can't believe

we're still not closed.

Oh, we're this close

to closing.

Then you get to head

home after all this?

I wish. New York on Monday.

New Jersey on Saturday, and

home to Chicago on Thursday.

That's quite

a schedule.

Wow.

Want to grab

a drink?

Sure, sounds good.

Okay, so you're

marrying Katie Couric.

Yes. I'm Bill Couric.

How are you doing?

[laughing]

That's a no brainer.

So, Ellen or Martha?

Hold on. If you go with Ellen,

you get

a little portion?

No, it's only Ellen.

Now, what about Martha? Is this a

one-night stand or a long-term affair?

Three times a week.

Okay.

I'm banging Ellen.

Final decision.

So, you're going to

kill Martha Stewart.

By default, even

though I don't want to

'cause she's the one who has the

best taste out of all these women.

It's like killing Christmas.

Yeah.

You imagine the Christmas you'd

have with Martha Stewart?

Beautiful.

My God.

It would be like being

on the North Pole.

Okay, you gotta play.

You got

Rob Blagojevich, okay?

Disgraced governor

of Illinois.

Then you got Anthony Weiner,

disgraced congressman.

And then you got

Skipper Spitzer.

How about a little Elliot Spitzer?

Disgraced governor.

Three guys on the ropes.

What do you do?

Did you go to Charles'

school today?

Somebody

missed dinner.

Did you?

What did you hear?

That you broke

into the school

and started a fight

with one of the teachers?

That's ridiculous.

That's not at all how--

I'm not interested in your

version of the story.

I'll leave you alone for not even half a day.

Well, full day.

What part of "there are

rules" do you not understand?

Like the one that forbids

absentee white trash uncles

from trespassing

on school property,

cursing in the cafeteria

and humiliating me!

Wow.

Just so you know? You're

kind of being a c*nt.

Dana Spencer.

No, no.

You're flirting

with our deal.

I'm not flirting

with our deal.

Dana just happens to be an

old colleague, that's all.

What's going on

with you and Katherine?

Things just haven't been

very good for awhile.

Well, well.

What's Katherine say?

I don't even-- I don't even

think think she knows.

You know she was my

brother's first girlfriend?

Yeah, that's

how we met.

[laughs]

Yeah. My brother,

[clears throat]

He and my dad

had a big blowout.

My brother left town. Just kind of disappeared.

Didn't come back.

She was devastated,

you know?

And, uh,

it just happened.

Next thing you know,

she'd gotten pregnant.

We got married.

You know.

She was just a kid.

Oh, shot gun

wedding.

No, no, not at all.

It was the real deal.

She-- Yeah.

She was really

what I wanted.

But I don't know what's

happened now, you know.

I've spent the better part of the

year trying to figure it out.

I just --

We just stopped

being us.

This is William. Can '1 come

lo the phone right now,

so please leave a message,

and I'll call you back.

Thank you.

[door opens]

Come on.

[coughing]

That was

almost perfect,

but then you kind of

cough like a b*tch.

It's been ten years.

Sh*t.

Remember how you used to

make me shot gun your hits

because you'd say

"Joints burnt my throat"?

They did burn my throat.

Come on.

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