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Stranger Than Fiction
named Harold Crick.
And his wristwatch.
Harold Crick was a man of infinite
numbers...
... endless calculations
and remarkably few words.
And his wristwatch said even less.
Every weekday, for 12 years...
each of his 32 teeth 76 times.
Thirty-eight times back and forth.
Thirty-eight times up and down.
Every weekday, for 12 years...
... Harold would tie his tie in a single
Windsor knot instead of the double...
... thereby saving up to 43 seconds.
His wristwatch thought the single
Windsor made his neck look fat...
... but said nothing.
Every weekday, for 12 years...
... Harold would run at a rate of nearly
... barely catching
the 8:
17 Kronecker bus.His wristwatch would delight...
... in the feeling of the crisp wind
rushing over its face.
And every weekday, for 12 years...
... Harold would review 7. 134
tax files...
... as a senior agent
for the Internal Revenue Service.
Regs section 1.469-2 (B) (i), Diane.
Thanks.
Good morning. IRS.
Harold, 89 times 1417?
That adds up.
Only taking a 45. 7-minute
lunch break...
... and a 4.3- Minute coffee break...
... timed precisely by his wristwatch.
Oh, great.
Yeah, we'll go to Mullen's or we'll... .
Beyond that,
Harold lived a life of solitude.
He would walk home alone.
He would eat alone.
And at precisely 11: 13 every night...
... Harold would go to bed alone...
... placing his wristwatch to rest
on the nightstand beside him.
That was, of course,
before Wednesday.
On Wednesday, Harold's wristwatch
changed everything.
Oh, my God, you got it?
I got it.
I got it.
If one had asked Harold,
he would have said...
... that this particular Wednesday was
exactly like all the Wednesdays prior.
And he began it the same way he- -
And he began it the same way
he always did.
Hello?
He began it the same way
he always did.
When others' minds would- -
Hello? Is someone there?
When others' minds would fantasize
... or even try to grip onto
the final moments of their dreams...
... Harold just counted brushstrokes.
All right, who just said,
"Harold just counted brushstrokes"?
And how do you know I'm counting
brushstrokes?
Hello?
It was remarkable how the simple,
modest- -
It was remarkable h- -
It was remarkable how the simple,
modest elements of Harold's life...
... so often taken for granted...
for an entirely new life.
Harold ran for the bus...
making a terrible squeaking sound...
... as they flexed against the asphalt.
And though this was
an extraordinary day...
... a day to be remembered
for the rest of Harold's life...
... Harold just thought
it was a Wednesday.
I'm sorry, did you hear that?
The voice. Did you hear it?
"Harold thought it was a Wednesday"?
Don't worry, it is Wednesday.
No, no, did you hear it? "Harold
just thought it was a Wednesday"?
- Who's Harold?
- I'm Harold.
Harold, it's okay, it's Wednesday.
No, no, I... .
Never mind.
Harold couldn't concentrate
on his work.
Excuse me, Harold?
His thoughts were scattered.
His mind elsewhere.
Sorry.
Someone here should be able to fix--
Hold on a second.
Hey, Harold. What's 67 times 453?
When a coworker asked
the product of 67 and 453...
You know what?
I can't think while you're talking.
... he drew a blank.
- What?
- What?
- Harold quickly answered, "30,351."
- What? Oh, nothing. 30,351.
Despite the answer
really being 31,305.
Wait, wait, wait, 31,305. Sorry.
Dude, I just totally caught
some insurance adjuster...
...claiming his jet ski
as a work vehicle.
I'll tell you, it is a shame...
...that they don't give out
an auditor of the year award.
Dude?
You okay?
Dave, I'm being followed.
How are you being followed?
You're not moving.
- It's by a voice.
- What?
I'm being followed
by a woman's voice.
Okay.
What is she saying?
She's narrating.
Harold, you're staring at boxes,
what is she narrating?
No, no, no. I had to stop filing.
Watch. Watch. Listen. Listen.
against the folder...
... had the same tone
as a wave scraping against sand.
And when Harold thought about it...
... he listened to enough waves
every day...
... to constitute what he imagined
to be a deep and endless ocean.
Did you hear that?
You mean you filing?
No, no, no, the voice.
No.
Frightening part is sometimes I do
imagine a deep and endless ocean.
What ocean?
The one made by the sound--
Forget it.
New audits. Have a good day.
Thank you.
All right, we got a baker
and a securities trader.
Maybe you should take the baker.
- Okay?
- Okay.
Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!
- You miscreant.
- I understand.
Oh, get bent, taxman!
- Taxman!
- Taxman!
Taxman!
Go home!
Listen, is there somewhere else
No. We're gonna talk about this
right here.
Okay. It says, the file, that you only
paid part of your taxes for last year.
- That's right.
- Looks like only 78 percent.
Yep.
So you did it on purpose?
Yep.
So you must have been
expecting an audit?
I was expecting a fine...
...or a sharp reprimand.
A reprimand? This isn't
boarding school, Ms. Pascal.
You stole from the government.
No, I didn't steal from the government.
I just didn't pay you entirely.
Ms. Pascal, you can't just
not pay your taxes.
Yes, I can.
You can if you wanna get audited.
Only if I recognize your right
to audit me, Mr. Crick.
Ms. Pascal, I'm right here
auditing you.
Now I have to go over
your past three years...
...to make sure
that's all you haven't paid.
Fine.
Actually, you know, it's not fine.
Listen, I'm a big supporter
of fixing potholes...
and building shelters.
I am more than happy
to pay those taxes.
I'm just not such a big fan
of the percentage...
...that the government uses
for national defense...
...corporate bailouts
and campaign discretionary funds.
So I didn't pay those taxes.
I think, actually...
...I sent a letter to that effect
with my return.
Would it be the letter that begins,
"Dear lmperialist Swine"?
Yes.
Ms. Pascal, what you're describing
is anarchy. Are you an anarchist?
- You mean am I a member of--?
- An anarchist group, yes.
Anarchists have a group?
I believe so. Sure.
They assemble?
I don't know.
Wouldn't that completely
defeat the purpose?
It was difficult for Harold to imagine
Ms. Pascal as a revolutionary.
- Not now.
- Her thin arms...
- What?
- Her long shapely legs...
- Nothing.
... dashing from tear gas.
Harold wasn't prone to fantasies...
... and so he tried his best
to remain professional.
But, of course, failed.
He couldn't help but imagine
Ms. Pascal...
... stroking the side of his face
with the soft blade of her finger.
He couldn't help but imagine her
immersed in a tub...
... shaving her legs.
And he couldn't help
but imagine her naked...
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"Stranger Than Fiction" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 10 Sep. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/stranger_than_fiction_18965>.
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