Summer of '42 Page #4

- You can just whistle.

You drooled all over it. I don't want

to get blamed for any warped pages.

My glasses for the book.

You'll have loads of fun

identifying enemy aircraft over the island.

- You'll be a hero!

- Nothing flies over this island except birds!

- Maybe they're enemies.

- Jesus Christ, no go!

It's a fair swap.

What's more,

you can have the glasses for two days.

I only need the book for one afternoon.

If you don't like my offer,

I'll break your nose.

- Come on, Oscy.

- Come on, Hermie! Christ!

In the name of the USA,

I award you these field glasses.

Good hunting.

Benjie, come on, hurry up.

Hurry up, Benjie. Come on.

Come on, hurry up.

Come on.

Now, Backstage Wife.

The beloved story of Mary Noble.

Now Mary Noble, war wife.

Her husband Larry, former Broadway star,

now Lieutenant Noble of the Coast Guard...

Come on.

... somewhere in the South Pacific.

If you recall, when we last heard

from Larry, he and a lone companion...

... Bosun's Mate Smith, were stranded

on an enemy infested island...

... after their rubber boat

had been wrecked in a squall.

Come on.

- Mrs. Larson didn't.

- She didn't, but now she does.

Yes, now she does use Duz.

Now Mrs. Larson knows Duz.

D-u-z does everything in her wash.

She's convinced

this new kind of soap is best.

Why, it's even improved her disposition.

She used to be a crosspatch on washday.

- Watch that step.

- Okay, okay.

She's twice as sunny.

You wouldn't dirty up so many towels

if you had to wash them.

I know your rayon undies

don't look bright anymore...

Come on.

Ah, but then Mrs. Larson

started using Duz instead of...

Hermie, I just cleaned in there.

Goddamn it!

- Where's the paper?

- It's in the drawer.

I found it. Where's the carbon paper?

In there!

What are you doing?

Making two copies.

One for me and one for you.

You can keep it with you at all times,

and refer to it and learn it.

What for?

You can't call on your lady

with a book under your arm...

...so I'm condensing it. Point by point.

Stay close to this and you'll do okay.

You know, Oscy, I'm troubled.

I think I have a deep feeling for her.

So what?

Well, so I don't want to just lay her.

I respect her.

There's something you have to understand.

It's all right to respect a lady.

But, she's won't respect you

if you don't try to lay her.

I don't believe that.

It's true! My brother told me.

That's the way ladies are.

They want you to try,

even if they don't let you.

Because even though they don't let you,

they want you to.

- I think I understand.

- Good. Now you start memorizing.

- This is crazy.

- What?

Point three.

What's crazy about it?

- I've never even heard of the word.

- It's Latin. The original guys were Latins.

- I wouldn't even know how to pronounce it.

- You don't pronounce it, you just do it!

I don't even know where it is!

And what the hell is this in number four?

That's Latin, too.

It's all in Latin, Hermie. Jesus!

Yeah? I may just have to ask her

where some of these things are!

They're all in approximately

the same place. ''Seek and ye shall find. ''

Besides, she's supposed to be

helping you out.

Well, I hope so because I'm gonna need

all the help I can get.

Point six, Hermie, very important.

- Foreplay.

- Right! That word keeps cropping up.

I still don't know what I'm supposed to do.

What do I say?

''How about a little foreplay?''

I told you. You don't have to say a word.

Yeah? Point two definitely states

that we're supposed to converse.

Swell, but when you get to Point six,

there's no more talking.

Just moaning and sighing.

Just moan and sigh.

- Well, she'll think I'm sick.

- No, she'll be moaning and sighing, too.

It's gonna get pretty noisy. Boy.

I got news on Miriam today.

One of the lifeguards told me.

Once she gets started,

she's supposed to really be something.

I'm home, Hermie, home!

Look, Oscy, if I follow these 12 points,

she just might have a kid.

I can't afford a kid at this stage of my life.

So the whole thing is off!

I really can't believe it, Hermie.

You are really dumb.

I may be dumb,

but I'm not gonna be a father!

- Two wrongs don't make a right.

- You use protection.

You use a rubber.

Haven't you ever heard of a rubber?

- Yeah, of course I have.

- All right, so that's what you use!

I already have mine.

When my brother went into the service,

he willed it to me.

I've been carrying it around ever since.

It's my lucky charm.

- How much do you want for it?

- It's from my brother.

It's a family heirloom.

You have to get your own.

Go to the drugstore.

I'm not gonna risk it.

I happen to be underage.

Also, for information, Oscy,

women shop in drugstores.

So where do you want to get them?

A sporting goods store?

If you were a really good friend,

you'd lend me yours.

- What?

- Well, I'll return it.

Hermie, I'm beginning to think

that maybe you're a homo.

- Swell, Oscy, thanks a lot.

- No, I mean, you don't know anything.

A rubber's to be used once, and only once.

And only by one party.

Not even the best of friends

can go half-sies on a rubber.

- Just forget the whole damn thing.

- I'm doing this for you, Hermie.

I'm doing this out of friendship,

because your time has come.

Yeah? Let's forget it!

I can't. It's all arranged.

- What's arranged?

- Marshmallow roast, on the beach tonight.

Me and Miriam and you and Aggie.

Don't try to get out of it, it's all set.

- Here are your instructions.

- I'm not interested in Aggie!

You're not ready for the older lady.

I have to sharpen you up on someone else.

Aggie is all I got.

- You know, Oscy, you're really crazy!

- Yeah. Crazy, man!

Sorry. Listen.

I'm not asking you to get to Point 12

because I don't believe in miracles!

I'll be happy if you get to Point two.

- Now, all I want you to do is give it a try.

- Forget it.

I'm not sticking my neck out for Aggie.

Jesus, Aggie!

Tomorrow morning, you'll thank me.

So, tonight, I'll bring the marshmallows

and you bring a rubber.

- Go on.

- All right.

Well, go on. Come on. Get in there.

- Anything else?

- Yes, a large bottle of cod liver oil.

- Ma!

- Shut up, it's good for you.

It's $2.18. Thank you. Come again.

- Move.

- All right, all right.

Move, move already.

Can I help you?

No. Just looking.

Did you get them?

- Not yet.

- Well, go get them.

There's a lady in there.

Okay. Get going. Go on.

- All right.

- Go!

Yes?

It's me. The same guy as before.

I just stepped outside for some air.

Just what is it you're looking for?

Maybe I can help you.

I'll know when I find it.

Maybe if you'd tell me what it is?

I'll tell you. I just remembered.

Well?

A strawberry ice cream cone.

All right, come with me.

One dip or two?

Better make it a triple.

All right. That'll be 10 cents.

There's something else I need.

I just remembered.

Well, what is it?

Sprinkles.

All right.

Sprinkles. Here you go.

Thanks a lot.

That'll cost you 12 cents.

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