Tabloid
"Once upon a time,
there was a little princess,
"the most beautiful
little princess in all the land.
"Her hair was long and blonde,
"and her eyes were as brown
as the dark waters of the river
"which ran by her castle.
"But the little princess
was unhappy,
"for she was lonely.
"Someday she would find
her kind, handsome prince,
on a big white horse,
"and he would take her away
and marry her,
and they would live
happily ever after."
Hi, I'm Joyce McKinney,
and that's from my pending book,
A Very Special Love Story.
First of all, were you
surprised to be put in prison?
I really didn't feel
I'd done anything wrong.
I still don't feel
I did anything wrong.
to hurt Kirk Anderson
or slander him.
In fact, in my book...
my book is handled
in a very tender, nice fashion.
It's not a porno story
have tried to make it.
It's a love story, you know?
And, I mean, I would
never do anything to hurt him
or to cause him any harm at all.
And the way
that they threw me in prison
and tried to act like
I was some sort of criminal
was really what got to me.
My life started out in
a small town in North Carolina.
I was one of these girls
who was gonna meet, you know,
an all-American guy
and get married
and have a little
Leave It to Beaver house
and just have
Started dating
very late in life.
Didn't start dating
till I was, like, 17.
Was in an accelerated program
for kids with high IQs.
How high was your IQ?
I hadn't been
out in the world much
till I went to Utah.
You know,
I hadn't been around much.
But there were a lot of men
attracted to you?
Well, I guess so.
I don't know.
I'm not that vain
that I would say...
but I wasn't looking
for just any guy.
I wanted
a special guy.
And he had to have
certain qualities.
There are plenty
of guys out there,
I met this professor,
and he said,
"Well, I've got these
perfect guys for you,
"and they're just your type,
Joyce.
"They don't smoke,
and they don't drink,
"and they're clean-cut,
"and you're just going
to love them.
And why don't you come over
to my house and meet them?"
They were Mormons.
They didn't tell me
what Mormonism was all about.
He didn't say,
"We're a group that believes
"that Jesus was a polygamist
and was married
to Mary Magdalene."
He didn't say,
"We believe that God lives
on a star named Kolob."
He didn't say,
were cursed with
the mark of Cain."
They made me think
they were a church.
They made me think
that they were family-oriented.
And so I was drawn to them,
as a young 19-year-old teenager,
like a moth to a flame.
I was just so happy
to go to this place
where I thought
that I would have my pick
of just all-American friends,
people, husband material,
I guess.
I had a Corvette, and I had
a big old English sheepdog
that loved to ride
in the Corvette.
And I had a good friend.
Her name was Marilyn Clark.
There wasn't anything
Marilyn didn't do:
Smoke, drink,
have sex with Hells Angels.
I mean, this was a wild child.
We were exact opposites.
She used to call me
"Holier-Than-Thou McKinney"
because I was so straight.
We would cruise
the pizza parlor,
by Frosty's ice cream parlor.
And I noticed
driving alongside me also
in a Corvette, white Corvette.
And he kind of looks around
at me like he's watching me.
And I thought,
"Whoa, he's cute."
And I kept on driving,
and Marilyn goes,
"Hey, McKinn,
he's following you."
And I go, "He is?"
So I let him chase me.
He was quite aggressive.
and cleared his throat.
Then he goes, "Like your car."
I go, "Thanks.
I like yours too."
He goes,
I go, "Want to drive it?"
When I met my Kirk,
it was like in the movies...
When the girl comes down
the stairs, and their eyes meet.
and it's... pkew!
That's how it was.
He had the most beautiful
blue eyes
and the sexiest smile,
and he always had
the cleanest skin.
Kirk Anderson
was a very big, rather flabby,
or attractive-looking man
in the accepted sense
of the word
who had a very shuffle-y
kind of walk,
the last person in the world
the object of this kind of
strange sexual passion.
in Salt Lake City,
and she had fallen in love
with him.
Fallen in love with him...
become obsessed by him,
because that's another thing
about Joyce is obsession.
I mean, she just obsesses
about things.
I don't know what
the details
of their relationship was
in Salt Lake City,
but they obviously had some kind
of romance or love affair,
because if one's to believe
Joyce at all,
he had promised her
a family and children.
He actually told me
he loved me
the second night,
and then the next thing I know,
we're naming our kids.
And we were gonna name 'em all
with Js and Ks:
J for "Joyce"
and Ks for "Kirk,"
Joshua, Jacob.
You know, we had the names
picked out.
Kyle, Kirk.
And I remember, he took me home
to meet his Mormon mother,
and she was this big,
oh, huge woman,
about 350 pounds
in a tent dress,
and she took one look at me
with my little
beauty queen figure,
and her eyes went up,
and her eyes went down,
and she goes, "She doesn't look
like a Mormon to me."
From the time
I was a little girl,
I was in pageants.
It gave me a chance
to develop myself
to be the best person
I could be
with my looks, with my talent,
with my personality.
The pageants gave me,
as a small-town girl,
the chance to perform.
So Mom thought
you were too sexy for him?
I guess she thought
I was too pretty or something.
Kirk and I were just ready
for the big wedding,
and everything was happy.
The only problem is,
I was wanting to get married
in the Christian church,
and he was getting pressure
from the other side,
and so one day,
he vanished into thin air.
I don't mean he left me.
I don't mean he abandoned me.
I don't mean he left me
for another woman.
I mean he evaporated
into thin air.
He wasn't the kind of person
to just run off like that.
His things were still
at my place,
and, you know,
it was just weird.
I did what any American girl
would do
if her fianc vanished
into thin air:
I looked for him.
I went to L.A.,
trying to save up enough money
to pay a private investigator
to find out
what happened to him.
The private investigator
found him in England.
The Mormons had him.
All young men in the Church,
from the time
that we're young boys,
we're indoctrinated
to prepare to go on mission.
We sing songs like I Hope
They Call Me On A Mission.
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"Tabloid" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 22 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/tabloid_19290>.
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