Talk To Me

Wake up, God damn it!

I know it's hard.

Your eyes is burning,

slowly opening.

You slowly realizing

that this wasn't no dream.

No, this is your life.

Yeah, right about now

you're looking at them

cold walls that surround you,

and you wondering,

"How the hell did I get up

in this joint, Jack?

"And how the f***

I'm gonna get out?"

(BUZZING)

But you know what they say:

"It's like life, y'all.

PETEY ON P. A..:

"Ain't no way to it,

but to do it. "

So reach on up there

and scratch another day

off the wall, man.

But don't be whining.

Uh-uh.

Ain't gonna be no signal fire.

Just take a stand.

Be a man.

It's good to see you, man.

And try to understand.

Hey, listen, man. Listen.

You ain't in here

'cause of the master's plan.

No, you in here

'cause you f***ed up!

Look, this is the nigga

that I've been writing

you about. You dig?

Yo, I was reading my court

papers the other day, y'all.

They say, "Ralph Waldo

'Petey' Greene versus

the United States of America."

I say, "Goddamn!

No wonder I'm up

in this motherf***er!"

So I'm gonna dedicate

this next one to my baby.

Man, she gonna be up here

in a minute, and this gal,

Lord have mercy,

she's fine as frogs, yeah.

So while this is playing,

I want y'all to think about

the one y'all love.

And I'm talking about the one

sends you them pictures, man,

not the cat in the next bunk.

I guess you're pretty hard up

for entertainment around here.

Yeah, man. This is prison.

Whatever gets you through

twenty-to-life.

I got a meeting.

You...

You need anything?

I don't need sh*t.

Okay.

Let me ask you something.

Why do you even bother?

Because I promised Mama.

Don't do me no f***ing favors.

(BUZZING)

Hello, Vernell.

That's the booty line.

Conjugal visits.

(VERNELL EXCLAIMING)

Hay. Hey, Radio man! Hey!

So Milo been telling you

about me, huh?

What?

Milo. Your brother?

Said y'all need a new DJ

at that radio station.

Hey, I'm your man.

My brother wouldn't know.

And in case you forgot,

you're in prison.

It's a minor challenge.

You're a miscreant.

That's more than

a minor challenge.

The f*** this nigga call me?

A Miss who?

A miscreant.

A convict.

(LAUGHING)

Listen to this nigga!

I'm a miscreant!

Well, you know what?

I like that sh*t!

'Cause that makes me sound

like a con with class.

Hey, Ralph Waldo

"Petey" Greene,

miscreant mack

at your service.

You forgot "felon."

"Lowlife."

So do that mean

I got a job or what?

Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!

I need you to do me a favor,

sugar. Okay?

I need you to go home

and take this

right on down to Nighthawk

for me, okay?

Here.

Here!

Come on, take it!

Here!

Ain't no padding in there,

sweetie.

You tell him

it's all me, okay?

PETEY:
Vernell.

What?

You don't get your ass

in that room...

Oh, shut up.

It's just a bra.

Hey, radio man!

You better come on!

I'm gonna look you up

when I get out of here, man.

Yeah?

How many years you pulling?

Five to ten.

Nickel to a dime.

It ain't sh*t, baby.

You do that.

I'm the best there is, baby.

I'm the greatest!

I'm the greatest

of all time, baby!

NIGHTHAWK:
This is

The Nighthawk Show,

doing it for all those

fine young things

down at Howard University.

The Love Hawk

with you all night,

rocking your radio

in the nation's capital.

It's 5:
10 on the

Sounds of Soul, the big O-L.

We keep losing ground to WOOK.

We can make up the lost ground

on OK, sir. I mean,

we have a very exciting slate.

Great music, talk...

Sounds good,

but it's not working.

What's the problem?

The problem is we've lost

touch with the real DC

in our attempts

to win over the Beltway.

This has always been

a station of the people

and in case you forgot,

most of the people

don't live in Georgetown.

Yeah, but the people who live

in Georgetown

do shop at Giant Foods

and Woody's.

Sponsors that pay your salary.

No. I pay his salary,

and yours.

Maybe I should start paying

your salary to him.

Sir, I think...

I'm serious.

What do you say, Dewey?

You think

you can turn us around?

Yes sir, I do.

Good.

Let's give it a try.

Good afternoon, gentlemen.

MAN:
Sir, I just need

a minute of your time, please.

PETEY:
Hey, y'all, guess what?

I found out today

I ain't a con, y'all.

For real.

I am not a con,

or a felon, or a thug.

No. I am a miscreant.

(LAUGHS)

Now, y'all know what that is?

Good morning.

That's a con, brother.

A felon, a thug.

We ain't in prison.

No, this

a correctional facility.

See, when you broke into

that car, or shot that nigga,

it wasn't 'cause you

a wrong-doing

motherf***er, no.

No, see,

you troubled, brother.

You disenfranchised.

ANNOUNCER:
The Tonight Show

Starring Johnny Carson.

And now...

PETEY:
All this wordplay

so that we don't have

to face the truth.

'Cause the truth is,

no matter how many ways

you try to slice it,

I'm a con.

OFFICER:
Lights out!

And you a con, too.

POOCHIE:
(SINGING)

Warden's got a little dick!

Warden's got a little dick!

Yeah! Come on, Warden!

What you got?

You got that little dick?

Who the hell is that man

on my tower?

Braxton, Poochie, sir.

Ten-to-fifteen, armed robbery.

(INMATES YELLING)

Hey, Warden! You got a little,

itty-bitty dick! That's right!

That's you, Warden!

Shoot him.

Sir?

Right between the eyes.

I don't know

if we can do that, legally.

Technically,

he's not trying to escape.

Well, where in hell

can I shoot him, then?

Listen here!

I want Petey Greene!

You hear me, Warden?

I want you to get Petey Greene

out here, right now.

Petey! Petey! Petey!

Petey! Petey! Petey!

POOCHIE:
What's he gonna do?

Where Petey at?

Oh, yo, Petey!

(WHOOPING)

Yeah. Look,

you got a little dick!

Warden! Your dick, Warden!

Look like you got

quite a situation here, sir.

Yes, Mr. Greene, I do.

(SINGING) Warden's got

a little dick!

Can you do anything?

I don't know, sir.

I mean, what you got

in your boxers is God's doing.

Sorry, Warden, you kind of

walked right into that one.

Poochie! Nigga, what the hell

are you doing up there, man?

Yeah! Warden's got

a little dick!

Now look here, Warden.

Poochie crazy.

He's a good kid,

but he got all f***ed up

on that narcotic.

Come on, Warden,

what you got?

I can get him down.

Got that little dick!

I can even shut him up.

Come on, what you gonna do?

What you gonna do, Warden?

I'd be very grateful.

Now, exactly how grateful

are we talking about?

(WHISPERING)

All right.

Poochie!

Petey! It's Petey!

Boy, if you don't come down

from there and stop making

all that noise,

I'm gonna call your mama.

(EXCLAIMING)

I'm gonna tell her you

out here acting a fool, man.

Now, come on down. Poochie.

(LAUGHS)

INMATES:
Petey! Petey!

Petey! Petey!

Petey! Petey! Petey! Petey!

(ALL SHOUTING)

We take all necessary measures

in support of freedom

and in defense of peace

in Southeast Asia.

Stop the bombing,

and stop the war.

Come on.

(LAUGHING) Petey!

Yeah.

Ain't this a b*tch?

What?

I can't move my legs, baby.

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