Teacher's Pet Page #2

I'm glad I didn't know that|when I wrote that letter...

or I would haVe really sound...

You mean to tell me|now they'Ve got dames...

teaching unsuspecting suckers how to-

Now, Jim. I'm not supposed to|get excited.

I don't want to get excited.|But when I read your letter-

I just wrote exactly|what I thought of journalism classes.

You wouldn't want me to lie,|would you?

Yes, I would.

You know as well as I do|it's a waste of time.

Where did you learn the newspaper|business? Working for a newspaper...

and not sitting with your nose in a book|at some cockamamie uniVersity.

Now, now, Jim.

The Colonel|who pays your salary and mine...

is on the Board of Trustees|at that cockamamie uniVersity.

And last year,|they gaVe him an honorary degree.

They pass those things out|like somebody dealing a poker hand.

But the Colonel is proud of that degree.

And I'm sure he wouldn't want you|to do anything to embarrass him...

at that cockamamie uniVersity.

Look, Crowley, I don't like eggheads.

I don't like colleges.|I can't eVen stand the smell of chalk.

- Now please don't ask me-|- Jim.

Now, don't get me wrong.|I'm not asking you to go up there.

I am telling you to go!

And you get there early|and apologise to that woman or...

All right. If you really want me to go.

Yes, Jim. I want you to go.

No trouble.|Thanks.

Thanks.

Could you tell me where I could find|Prof. Stone's journalism class?

On the right. Room 102.

No smoking in the building, please.

Here you are.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

- Is Prof. Stone around?|- She'll be here in a minute.

Good eVening.

EVening.

Could I haVe a few words with you|before the class starts?

- With me?|- Yes.

You see, there's a little something|I'd like to explain.

It's like I said to some of the boys...

anybody who teaches journalism|has gotta haVe a sense of humour.

You know what I mean, Professor?

- You see, when I first got that-|- Professor?

Yeah, when you sent me the...

- Aren't you Prof. Stone?|- No. Clara Dibney.

I think we can begin now.

Would someone close the door please?|EVeryone be seated.

EVeryone.

Thank you Very much. Welcome|to this Survey Course in Journalism.

I see a few familiar faces|from last semester...

and, of course, many new ones.

I don't know what you expected...

but I hope that you won't be|too disappointed.

You know, we haVe been|Very lucky eVery year...

to haVe had some of the really top men|in the newspaper field...

come and talk to us.

Men from The Times, The Tribune,|Daily News and many others.

Tonight, to start us off,|we inVited James Gannon...

City Editor of the Chronicle.

Unfortunately, howeVer,|he is not with us.

In his place, Mr. Gannon sent a letter.

And although it's addressed to me,|I feel that...

this is something you all should hear.

"My dear Prof. Stone... "|At least I'm grateful for the promotion.

"Thank you for the flattery|implied in your request...

"that I appear as guest lecturer...

"in your journalism class.|Thank you, but no, thanks.

"If you've ever been|inside a real, live newspaper office...

"you'll remember that a city editor's job|is to get out a daily paper.

"Unfortunately, that doesn't leaVe him|much time...

"for such pleasant diVersions|as bridge luncheons...

"guided tours|through Rockefeller Center...

"the canning of crabapples|and lectures to journalism classes.

"Maybe it's just as well.

"If I came, I might get carried away|by the spirit of academic integrity...

"and tell your unsuspecting students|the truth...

"that the only way to learn|about the fourth estate...

"is with first-hand experience.

"In the school I graduated from...

"there were no lectures|without four letter words in them.

"No books except|those thrown at you to wake you up.

"No degrees besides the third.

"Information was gotten by keeping|your eyes and ears open...

"and your nose clean.

"Inspiration by a swift kick in the pants.

"T o sum it up, I think|you're wasting your time...

"and I prefer not to waste mine.

"Yours truly, James Gannon. "

Any comments?

Yeah. Who does he think he is?

He must'Ve been joking or something.

No, I'm afraid he was quite serious.

You see,|I happen to know Mr. Gannon Very well.

As a matter of fact, I can giVe you|a perfect picture of this man...

without eVer haVing seen him.

He works, I'm sure, with a cigarette|dangling from his mouth, like so.

In a suit|that he hasn't had pressed in months.

And, of course,|he has the battered old hat...

that he wouldn't giVe up|for the crown of England.

Poker comes easy to him,|but, oh, boy, he drinks hard.

And after he's had a few,|he'll always tell you:

"Why, I neVer eVen got to high school,|and I'm proud of it. "

Then, of course, he'll... He boasts|about his exploits with the ladies.

Of course he'll neVer|marry anyone but his job.

In short, he's a perfect example|of that dying race...

the unpressed gentlemen of the press.

I hardly haVe to stand up here|and defend education.

As my father always said:

"Education teaches a man|how to spell experience. "

Hear, hear!

So I shall continue wasting|my time, as Mr. Gannon put it...

teaching you about reporting,|copy reading, makeup, and rewrite.

And we'll let Mr. Gannon throw books,|and kick young men in the pants...

and continue to be one of|the few relics of antiquity on display...

outside the Museum of Natural History.

What about this dame! Did she tell|this jerk off or did she tell him off?

Miss Fuller has the textbooks,|the daily papers...

and if you'll just pick up a few copies,|I think we could get started.

Information.

Yes.

Yes, that class was tonight.

But you can still enrol.

I would suggest|that you drop by tomorrow.

I think that would be a good-

And another thing: I don't mind you|taking that creep to lunch...

but why does it haVe to cost $6.60?

Where do you think you're working?|Harper's Bazaar?

What happened?

I don't know. I said I liked college|football better than professional...

and he called me an idiot|and began to chew me out.

So it's your turn today.

- Teresa got it yesterday.|- And I'll probably get it tomorrow.

You can haVe my doghouse.|Well, thank you, Teresa.

I figured I'd get it-

He doesn't work anyone harder|than he works himself.

He's still the first one and the last one-

Barney!|Yes, sir!

- What do you think this is, a weekly?|- Sorry, sir.

What's this?

"'The future belongs to the educated|man,' Dr. Martin Edwards...

"President of Tipps College said today|at a meeting of the board of... "

It's just routine.

A handout from the UniVersity|Association. We always run them.

I know we always.|We're gonna stop it.

If they got something to sell,|let them take an ad.

No more of these free-ride|college items...

unless I clear them personally.

But there's a "Please use" on it.

"Please use"|doesn't work here anymore.

And those night schools.|There's a nice little racket.

Some dame standing there|never been closer to a paper...

than putting in a want ad...

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