Teacher's Pet Page #8

The recipe was giVen to me|by an anthropologist. It's...

a mixture used by a tribe of cannibals|in the Melanesian Islands.

They drink this brew|wheneVer they eat a poisoned enemy.

Of course, it really should|be made with a lizard egg.

But you can't haVe eVerything.

Now, what do you want?

- Well, this friend of mine-|- Please...

don't shout.

I wasn't shouting.

To my ears, at the moment,|you sound like a parade of banshees.

Well, you're an authority|on human behaViour.

I thought so until last night.

You'Ve made a study of the reactions|of indiViduals under certain conditions.

Also mice.

Well. This friend of mine...

Max Minnick...

he came to me the other day with...

a personal problem.|He wanted my adVice.

I didn't know what to tell him.

I haVe a feeling if he doesn't handle|this just right...

he's in real trouble.

You see, he met this girl...

Yeah, that's quite a problem.

I would adVise that...

Oh, there's more?

Now...

this girl knew Max only by name,|and she hated his guts.

So, in order to get anyplace,|he used a phoney name...

Max Martin.

They'Ve been getting along great...

but it can't go on like this.

What should he do?

Well, it all depends.

Is he in loVe with her,|or is this merely a transitory amour?

It started out as a sort of|a hit-and-run proposition but he didn't...

I guess you could say|he was sort of in loVe with her.

Is he planning to marry her?

Oh, no. Max isn't the marrying kind.

Yet he didn't take adVantage of this|hit-and-run proposition.

It's therefore obVious|that Max has affection...

and a deep respect toward this lady.

Yeah, he's got that. She's just|not one of those dames, you know.

In that case, it's entirely possible...

that he might find a respectable union...

such as marriage,|not completely repugnant to him.

I neVer thought of Max as the sort that...

You might haVe a point there, Doc.

And Max might haVe more character|and probity than you giVe him credit for.

Could be.

Excuse me.

I'll get it.

What should Max do, Doc?

Under the circumstances, I would|adVise him to be completely honest...

and reVeal eVerything.

You would, huh?

If she's half the woman he thinks she is,|she'll understand and forgiVe him.

After all, the man's the same.

Only the names haVe been changed|to protect the guilty.

But he must do it right away.

Yes.

If she finds out by herself,|Max gets the axe.

All right. Thanks.

I'll tell Max.

- Goodbye, Doc.|- Goodbye, Max.

How'd you know?

Why, I'm hung-oVer, not unconscious.

But I didn't say one word|that you could...

You're forgetting last night.

I didn't say anything last night that-|But she did.

The minute I picked her up,|I knew instantly...

something new had been added.

To begin with,|she forgot to say, "Happy Birthday. "

And all she could talk about|was this unusual new student of hers.

EVery time I changed the subject,|she came right back to it.

She did?

Constantly, Mr. Gallagher, or Minnick,|or Martin, or whateVer your name is.

Well, my real name's Gannon.

Gannon of the insulting letter?

You know about that, too?

She showed it to me|the moment she receiVed it.

As a matter of fact, I told her|what to say to the class in reply.

So you were the one.

Say, you said|some pretty rotten things about me.

No, she didn't use my reply,|because I agreed with you.

To me, journalism is...

like a hangoVer.

You can read about it for years|but until you'Ve actually experienced it...

you haVe no conception|of what it's really like.

That's what I felt, but...

I'Ve got to admit I'm beginning to think|there's something...

to this education bit, too.

The rest of your letter, howeVer,|I found filled with...

puerility, guilt, and insecurity...

reVealing you,|psychologically speaking...

a complete mess.

Now wait a minute.

Now, it's useless for you to hit me.|I'm going to die anyway.

Just leaVe me alone|and let me expire in peace.

Goodbye, and don't slam the door.

Another thing.

Don't feel too badly|about passing out last night.

I gaVe that waiter $5|to spike your drinks.

Now I understand.

I only gaVe him $2 to spike yours.

- Jim, the Colonel's been calling you.|- All right.

- Jim, the Colonel wants to see you.|- All right.

- Jim, the Colonel's been calling you.|- I know.

Barney!

Gladys, get me-

Yeah, I know he wants me.|Get me this call first.

Miss Erica Stone, Plaza 3-5-5-9-8.

That's right.

Call the barber and tell him I'll be down|in an hour for a haircut and a manicure.

Good morning, Mr. Gannon.

Get this hat cleaned and blocked|and this thing pressed.

What's the matter?|Can't a guy get cleaned up once a year?

I'Ve got some cologne in my locker.

Yeah?

Oh, she's not?

Gladys, do me a faVour. Call the florist|and haVe him send her some roses.

He knows the address.|And put on the card:

"Pick you up at 6:30". Sign it "Jim. "

Yeah, I'm gonna|see the Colonel right now.

Send him right in.

You better cancel that luncheon|engagement. I don't think I can make it.

Glad you came right in, Jim.

I haVe someone|I want you to meet.

Her father|was an old friend of mine.

Erica, this is Jim Gannon...

the best city editor in the business,|for my money.

Jim, this is Miss Stone.|She teaches journalism, which...

makes us all related|in a way, doesn't it?

Miss Stone's come to ask|a faVour of me.

She's quite excited about|a student of hers, a fellow called...

what was that name again?

Gallagher.|Ah, yes.

It seems this Gallagher|is quite exceptional.

Miss Stone brought along some things|he wrote. Class work, you know.

Very good, she says.|I'll read them tonight.

Now then, it seems to be|generally known that you haVe some...

well, shall we say resistance|to college-trained personnel.

Miss Stone is quite aware of that.

But she feels this particular fellow|is so outstanding...

he may be just the one|to change your attitude.

Colonel...

I wonder if I could talk to Miss Stone|for a few minutes?

Why, of course.|I mean, alone.

I'd like to correct any misconceptions|she might haVe.

That's a good idea.|I'll bring her in to you in a few minutes.

We haVe a bit more catching up to do|before I giVe her up.

- But, Colonel, I-|- And thank you for your cooperation.

You know who I had a letter from today?|John Baldwin.

He was an old friend of your father's.

I remember when the three of us|went to Europe together.

That was in 1927.

Now look, Erica, before you|blow your top, I just want to...

What's the matter? Aren't you angry?

No, I'm not angry.

I just feel a little bruised...

as if I'd been kicked.

- I'm sorry, Erica, I was going-|- You don't haVe to explain, Mr. Gannon.

I'm sure to you and the boys|it was a Very funny practical joke.

You may haVe eVen bet a few dollars|that you could make...

the professor look like an idiot.

Well, you did.

Now why don't you go collect your bets|and leaVe me alone?

All right, I admit it started out|as a joke, but that didn't last long.

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