Teacher's Pet Page #2

Leonard! Come on,

Lenny-bones, hop in!

Let's skit-skat-skedoodle!

Florida's not gonna

come to us, you know?

Mwah!

Bye, Spotty-wots!

Be a good doggie!

Whoa!

Don't forget your sun block.

John?

MAN ON TV. Mancia?

- Jolhn!

- Mancia!

Yawn! Mush-a!

- Jolhn?

- Mancia?

You stupid people

with no lives...

are watching

"The Barry Anger Show"!

- Aah!

- Aah!

Hi, I'm Barry Anger...

and today on the hot seat,

we have Dr. Ivan Krank...

a world-class wacko who-

get this-

claims he can turn animals

into human beings!

Huh? Turn animals

into human beings?

My dream come true!

Oh, now, how did this trash

get on my TV?

Where's my clicker?

Oh, for goodness sakes,

where did I put that?

Hey!

Oh, silly me, I must have

left it in the kitchen.

Well, good excuse to get

us all some more yummies!

Moochie poochie!

God love her for the food,

but that woman is definitely...

a couple of caraways

short of a seed bell.

Shh! Look!

Direct from Florida,

where the cuckoo nuts grow...

the world's biggest wacko,

Dr. Ivan Krank!

I am not a wacko!

I am a man of science,

who has perfected...

the neuro-electrical,

photo-pulsar-based...

methodology to isolate

the genome on the dna strand...

which will allow me

to transform dumb animals...

into dumb human beings-

just like you!

Wow, it's my dream come true!

AUDIENCE.

Wacko! Wacko! Wacko!

Wacko! Wacko! Wacko!

No! You are the wackos...

if you don't believe

that the possibilities...

for change in this world

are infinite!

And I'll prove it!

As soon as I find

the perfect animal subject...

to turn into

a real live human being!

Me, Dr. Krank, me!

Hey, smart boy,

let me explain how TV works.

We can hear them,

but they can't hear us.

I've got to meet that man.

He's the one chance

I have to finally make...

my lifelong dream come true!

But he's all the way

in Florida...

where Leonard and his mom

are headed right now!

What a coinkidink.

Coinkidink, Mr. Jolly?

Coinkidink?

That I just happened

to lay on that clicker...

and change to that channel

and see that miracle man...

who just happens

to live in Florida...

where Leonard and his mom just

happen to be going as we speak?

Coinkidink, Mr. Jolly...

or fate?

Cover for me with

the pet-sitter, guys.

I'm goin' to Florida!

Aah! Cover with the pet-sitter?

But how? We have no experience!

And we have no time to prepare!

Oh, dear me!

Oh, this is bad.

This is very bad.

How will we ever

pull it off? Oh!

La la la la

Ooh!

Oh, mercy, Spot!

I almost sat on you!

Do you love mommy?

I think we can handle it.

Come on, Leonard,

let's play a game.

"20 questions. "

I'll start. Here's your hint.

It's someone you love.

What? Spot?

Wow, good guess!

No, I saw him!

With my own eyes!

Oh, you want to play that game.

Ha ha ha!

All righty,

I spy with my little eye-

Spot!

No, come on, honey, Spot can't

be the answer every time.

Mom, you gotta stop!

Ooh, ooh, you're right.

We do. We need gas.

OK, you fill 'er up, sweetie.

I've got to go powder my nose.

Cleanliness is next

to godliness...

but gas station bathrooms

are not.

Spot? Spot? Where are you?

Oh, no...

Lose something, bunky?

Spot! Ha!

You're OK!

I can't believe it!

What are you doing here?

I had to come, Lenny!

How could I stay away?

I just love you so much and

wanted to be with you so bad.

A friend needs a friend.

A boy needs a dog.

OK, I also need a lift

to Florida...

for my own self-serving

reasons...

but why spoil

this beautiful moment with that?

I love ya!

I want to be with ya!

Mmm, give us another hug!

Oh, Spot, good ol' boy!

Hey, wait a second.

Are you crazy?

You heard what

Principal Strickler said...

about no dogs

in his Wentawaygo.

And here comes my mom

right now!

What are we gonna do, Spot?

- Spot?

- Did you just say Spot?

No, Mrs. Helperman,

he said Scott!

As in Scott Leadready ll,

your old pal from back home!

Who'da thunk it

and fancy meeting me here.

He's good.

Oh, Scott, I've missed you.

Really, Mrs. H? How much?

Enough to take me

on the rest of your trip...

to sunny southern Florida?

Heh heh!

- Could we, Mom?

- Well, of course not, honey.

Scott's obviously traveling

with his family.

What family? Oh! My family!

Sure, I'm traveling

with my family.

My whole family-

Mom, sis, Grandma...

Uncle Jojo, the ventriloquist,

his dummy Floyd-

My family!

Ooh, I love 'em!

I love 'em, but darn the luck,

wouldn't you know...

they can't go to Florida,

because-because why?

There's been an emergency?

Good. I mean,

it's a good emergency.

The kind where

they all have to go home...

but I can still

go to Florida with you.

Which is the good part,

so, come on, let's hit the road!

Well, hmm, I'd certainly

need to discuss it...

with your mother first.

Oy, you don't make this easy.

She'll meet you

right over there.

Slhe just. ulh.

Ihas to get dnessed.

Ooh, jeez!

What I have to go through

to become a real live boy!

Ooh!

SPO T. Wlhy. Many Lou Helpenman!

Hello and Ihalleloo!

Ha ha ha!

If you weren't just sent

from heaven above...

to take our dear

little Scott to Flor-

I'm sorry to interrupt,

Mrs. Leadready...

but do you want to hear

the funniest thing?

I brought that exact

same dress on this trip.

Oh, that is funny.

You're a stitch!

Anyway, back to poor Scott.

He so desperately wants

to go to Florida.

And I believe I packed that

same shade of lipstick, too!

Really? What a coinkidink!

Anyway, as I was saying-

And those earrings

look awfully familiar.

Are you gonna take him or not?!

Darlin'.

Well, gee, shouldn't we check

with the rest of your family?

Oy. The rest of my-

I'll see

who's round the corner!

Yeah, yeah, I tell ya-

Thanks, gals.

Missus, please take Scott...

to sunny southern Florida...

so I can have some peace

from all his merciless teasing!

Young lady, I missed my chance

to see Florida...

when I was the boy's age...

and look what a bitter old woman

I turned out to be!

You must be Scott's-

I can't talk to you!

I'm too bitter!

Hoity-toity-toity-toity-toi.

An' 'tis wishin' I am

that some fine soul...

would take me Scotty boy

to Florida.

Uncle Jojo the ventriloquist?

'Tis!

And where's your dummy Floyd?

Great St. Patty's shillelagh!

The little leprechaun

must be around here somewhere.

OK, you be Floyd.

- Me? I don't know what to do!

- Just shut up and act dumb!

- What?

- Perfect!

Mrs. Helperman,

meet dummy Floyd.

Take our Scott, please!

Oh, ha ha ha!

Ohh, Leonard's gotta see this.

Where'd he go?

And where's Scott?

Oh, I'll find 'em, Colleen...

providin' you'll hie me

fine nephew to fair Florida.

Well, of course, I'll take him!

I've been planning

to take him all along.

And you couldn't

have just said that...

to the lady

in the flowery dress?

Saints preserve us!

Say good-bye, Floyd!

Top o' the mornin' to ya!

Hey, I do the cliched

Irish dialogue around here.

- So, whassup?

- So, whassup?

Well, Scott, it looks like you

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