Teacher's Pet Page #4

Who is that?

Heh.

Jeez, he looked

a lot shorter on TV.

Maybe it's the ax.

Allow me to introduce myself.

I am Scott Leadready ll,

your newest subject.

The one that's

finally going to work!

Dare you torment an old man?

- You cannot help me!

- Aah!

You're nothing but

a worthless boy!

You're wrong, Dr. Krank.

I am a dog who wants

to be a worthless boy.

I mean, who wants to be a boy.

Good Lord,

I was totally fooled.

Don't worry.

Happens all the time.

Now, here's your problem

as I see it, doc.

While your theories

are scientifically sound...

and your equipment

technically flawless...

you keep hitting

a failure point...

when it comes to the selection

of your subjects.

See, you've been experimenting

on swamp creatures...

insects, and, uh, reptiles.

And all-ee-gators!

All-ee-gators are reptiles.

Proceed.

Mm-hmm. But the fact is,

Dr. Krank...

if you want to make a man...

you've got to start

with a mammal!

Yes. Of course. It's so simple,

and yet so utterly brilliant!

Ha ha ha!

I wish I had a nickel

for every time I've heard that.

I shall give you

a nickel...

if you will be my mammal.

I'll take it!

Then I shall make you a boy.

Oh, boy!

Oh, no!

Spot, this is wrong.

Tlhis is going against natune.

Nature? Feh!

I am a man of science!

You're a wacko of science!

Who do you think you are?

I'll tell you who I am.

Or, better yet, I'll sing it!

Maestro, a tango,

if you please.

# I was born with a brain #

# That could not be contained #

# So they tortured

and teased me #

# And called me insane #

# It was bad, very bad #

# Even Mom called me mad #

# Any child would go wild

from the pain #

# Raised on rage and defiance #

# I turned my cerebrum

to science #

# I tinkered and toiled

until my beakers all boiled #

# And I built

this amazing appliance #

# Now the whole world

will see #

# The genius in me #

# While I stand

on the shoulders of giants #

# Ha ha ha! #

# I am I, Ivan Krank #

# Just a man

way ahead of his time #

# Allow me to be frank #

# I'm much hipper

than old Dr. Frankenstein #

# I am I, Ivan Krank #

# And you may call me

wacko or weird #

# But you'll have me

to thank #

# When this pup

that you've reared #

# Is no longer wet-nosed,

waggy-tailed, or dog-eared #

# He'll be human,

like you, man #

# The world will all cheer #

# For the genius that is I #

# Ivan Krank #

Let the neuro exchange animal

transformation operation-

or N.E.A.T.O.

for short-

not to be confused with that

stupid teacher award-begin!

No-o-o-o-o!

LEONARD.

Spot. tlhis is wnong!

LEONARD.

You'ne supposed to be my dog.

Then I shall make you a boy.

Oh, it's alive.

It's alive!

That's a good start!

Dennis! Adele!

Remove the bandages,

and let us witness...

what I hath wrought!

Mein gott in himmel.

Whoa.

Daddy did it!

SPO T. I gotta see!

I'm a boy! I'm a boy!

I'm a really big boy.

You're not a boy, Scott.

You're a man.

I'm a man?

I don't understand.

How could I be a man?

Great balls of kibble!

I forgot all about dog-time!

That's right! One human year

equals seven dog years.

- That would make you...

- Don't do the math.

Uh, it's not exactly what

I had planned, but I'm human...

and that's nothing

to shake your tail at.

How can I thank you?

Oh, it will be thanks enough...

that you spend

the rest of your life...

traveling around

the world with me...

as living proof of my genius!

Ah. Well, uh, gee,

fun as that sounds for me...

I'm afraid

I'm gonna have to pass.

I can't spend the rest

of my life with you.

I- I-I live with this guy...

at his house, in his room.

I sleep on the bottom bunk.

Heh. Although,

now that I'm a big, grown man...

with knuckle hair and-

uhh-lower back pain...

that may present

a slight problem.

But we'll cross that bridge

when we come to it.

- Let's go, Leonard!

- No!

Aah!

You're not going anywhere,

my precious man.

I made you, I own you.

You're mine!

Come, Dennis, Adele!

We must begin making plans...

for the Ivan Krank

World Vindication Tour!

First the United Nations,

then my high school reunion.

No, wait!

Nuts!

Over here!

Get down!

Hi, Uncle Ivan!

The bus from East Westland was

a little late, but here I am!

Ian?

Leonard? What are you doing

in my uncle's laboratory?

And who are you, mister...

and why are you all dressed up

like Scott Leadready ll?

Uh, no time to explain,

strange little boy...

I've never met before

in my life.

Ian, can you help us

get out of here?

What'll you give me if I do?

Um, all I've got is this, uh...

slimy old dog chew toy

and a shiny new nickel.

Mm-hmm. Ohh...

holding out on me, huh?

Hey, give me that chew toy!

OK, let's see now.

Decode secret password,

override security check...

bypass concealed alarm cookie,

and... bingo!

Wow!

How did you do that?

Oh, come on. This was easy.

Reprogramming

the queen's toilets...

for a 21-flush salute-

now, that was hard.

- Thanks, Ian.

- Thank you, stranger.

You're welcome, stranger.

Well, as long as I'm here...

Hee hee hee.

Ooh, they'll love this.

Ohh! What's all this, then?

- Ohh!

- Ohh!

Oh, blast that blasted

Waszelewski kid!

Quick, hop in!

- Boo-yah!

- Uhh!

Hmm. I must work out.

Come on, Scott! Scott!

Hey, wait for me!

Old habits die hard.

DR. KRANK. Tlhey've escaped!

Dennis, Adele, find them!

- You betcha!

- Right away, Daddy.

Hmm. Nothing here.

Hmm.

Not in here, you fools.

Out there!

Hunny!

Yes, sir, Daddy.

Uhh!

And don't call me Daddy!

How could a man

as brilliant as I...

have created something

as stupid as them?

I can't believe

they let my dog-man escape!

Oh, don't blame them,

Uncle Ivan. I let 'em go.

Ah! Ian! Ahh!

Ian, my darling nephew...

the only one who ever

truly believed in me.

Welcome to my home!

However, now that

you've ruined everything...

I must ground you

for the rest of the summer.

So go to your room.

Don't come out till Labor Day!

Yes, Uncle Ivan.

Grounded again.

Jeez, I could've saved

a bus ride.

What was I so afraid of

all these years?

The outside is very nice.

Pleasant, even.

One might go so far...

as to say invig-amarating.

- Told ya.

- But we're not going very fast.

How long will it take us

to get to Spot?

Oh, we should start making some

real progress any second now.

Bo-o-o-oard!

Aaaaah!

Man, I'm gettin' hungry.

Yeah, me, too. And if these

pants ride up any more...

I'm gonna be a soprano.

I gotta get me

some new clothes.

- We need to get us some money.

- Yeah, but how?

Whoa!

What?

- That'll do.

- That'll do.

Come on, let's go find that dog

and get us some money!

How?

The twilight bark.

The what?

Uhh!

Oh, we gotta start

renting you...

some more classic

animated movies.

Leonard, the twilight bark...

is tlhat fnee wonldwide

long-distance senven...

tlhnouglh wlhiclh dogs

all oven tlhe wonld...

Ihave been communicating

since tlhe dawn of time.

Now, let's just hope I still

got enough dog left in me.

Awooooo!

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